Awakening Through Love

Awakening Through Love

Final Roadtrip

I'm glad to be home from the trip!  My mother didn't seem to derive much enjoyment from it, other than the warm weather.  She complained about most everything...which is her nature anyway...but I understand that she is depressed and doesn't feel well.  When you're around someone like that for an extended period of time, it seems to suck the life right out of you. 

My younger brother came for a few days and the three of us went to Ft. Myers beach one day, Sanibel Island beach another day, out to eat a couple of times, saw the movie Red Riding Hood, and my brother took her to TJ Maxx to look around.  The nerve neuropathy in her feet was particularly painful and her stomach was starting to hurt periodically, so I was going to take her to an Urgent Care, but they were closed, so we went to the emergency room.  I asked my brother to research where the closest pharmacies were, in case her doctor at home could call something in, but he couldn't across state lines.  My brother stayed at the condo watching basketball.  We were there almost four hours and the doctor prescribed an opiate for her. 

We were driving home about 12 midnight and I called my brother, who was still up to see if he would mind driving to the pharmacy once we returned, to fill the prescription.  He said, "You're driving right by one, why can't you?"  I explained that the hospital told me that there were two 24 hr. pharmacies open, but they were on a different road than where I would be.  He finally agreed to, but we ended up taking a wrong turn and passed by one, so I stopped to fill it.  When we arrived at the condo, I asked my brother if he had started the dishwasher, so we'd have clean dishes for breakfast and he said, "No, but we can start it now, can't we?"  I said, "Yes, you could start it now" and he then went off on me saying that I have an attitude problem, that he didn't appreciate it and couldn't understand what was wrong.  I told him why I seemed to have an attitude problem...that after spending four hours at the emergency room, I didn't think it was too much to ask for him to go to the pharmacy, that was 5 minutes away, so that Mom didn't have to wait in the car for another 10-15 minutes at midnight.  He didn't understand my thinking and said that "I can act like such a bitch" and began opening/closing all of the cupboards in the kitchen looking for the dishwashing detergent, while ranting/raving...saying over and over, "where is the dishwashing detergent" in between telling me how obnoxious I am!  He recently went back to school to get a Masters in counseling and is a licensed therapist....a little scary!  He apologized the next day.

I also have a greater understanding of codependency and the cycle of domestic violence from my week with mom.  She agreed to keep her phone turned off, so that my alcoholic brother couldn't harass her, but she did speak with him twice on the trip.  She has options so that she doesn't need to return to that situation, but she insists on doing so.  Her father abused her mother, her husband abused her and now her son abuses her.  I believe that she needs IT in her life.  By the end, she was quite hateful to me at times and I brought it to her attention.  I asked if I'm the only one she treats like that (other than my alcoholic brother) and she said yes.  I made the point that if she can control it with others, then she can choose to control it with me.  It seems she was going through withdrawals from being treated nicely instead of poorly.  She also apologized to me.

While driving home, she made the comment that she is bitter and resentful that she never had a home and I made the point that many people don't own their homes, the banks do.  And compared to some of the world, she lives like a queen.  She disagrees.  Whenever I talk about being grateful for what we do have, she doesn't like to hear it!

I am so grateful that I have the ability to be grateful!


Annette said...

Ok Sherry, you and I have so many similarities in our family life! This is why I was saying you inspire me. Because you manage to keep yourself together even while being attacked and I am sure it makes you sad and hurts your feelings, and is discouraging and infuriating....but you don't let it stop you in your tracks. You are able to keep your eyes on positive, healthy responses.

I am so sorry the trip ended up being filled with everyone's yuk. But it does sound like you were able to come away from it with some good solid lessons and understanding of why people are the way they are.

I am grateful for you! Thank you for sharing this.

Barbara said...

I am grateful that you can be grateful too. Your family may never change but you have chosen a healthier path for yourself.

Great picture of your mom on the beach.

Sherry said...

Annette - Thanks for the wonderful compliment. I am finding that if we can control our thoughts and our emotions...then we have happiness and peace. I'm grateful for you also!

Barbara - It was nice to hear from you and I have a feeling you'll get a job very soon!

Addiction--Mom trying to Detach with Love said...

I love the picture of your mom, I have one similar of my mom that I cherish. You did well to bite your tongue and allow your mom to be whatever it is she needed to be, you will for sure be grateful for that Sherry, I wish I had learned that lesson before my mom's passing. Your Mom is so lucky to have you and I bet she is grateful for you. xoxo

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