Awakening Through Love

Awakening Through Love

The Root of Hope - Ibogaine



I stumbled across a video about Ibogaine...a plant found in Africa and legally used in a variety of countries to treat addiction to heroin (and other opiates), alcoholism, and cocaine. There are quite a few You Tube videos to view related to it. The video has Greg Douglas, formerly with the Steve Miller Band, who after battling a 30 year addiction to heroin, was cured after taking Ibogaine.


Henry...lost his life due to addiction


This video is about Henry, the son of Katie Granju, who lost his life due to his addiction to opiates.  It is very moving!  It's becoming clear to me that one of the main problems we face in trying to get the message out to other parents of at risk teens (before it is too late...as in the case of Henry) is the tendency to remain silent.  Usually, we remain silent or anonymous to protect our child's identity.  I believe if more recovering addicts would join with their parent(s) to educate others, then more parents would be better prepared to deal with all of the issues that accompany drug use.


A New Project






Hi Everyone...life is good here!  I've been busy with a multitude of activities...jogging (until I hurt my back...I can still do everything else though), hiking, trying lots of new recipes (my husband and J are loving that), finished training our puppy Jake on the invisible fence and he's thriving, get togethers with family and friends, and online Christmas shopping (I know...it's a bit early for that).

I bought a new Mac computer and love it.  I downloaded the footage I shot while on my trip to Thailand, Laos and Vietnam back in December, and used the iMovie feature on the Mac to make some movies.  I've attached one...hope you enjoy.  (You'll need to go to my playlists for songs on the bottom right and shut that off...so you can hear the music I attached to the video)

 My OCD tendencies have kicked into high gear and I've been making lots of movies.  I'd love to share one that I made of J when he was a baby...but my ex-husband is in it...I'd be afraid he would sue me or something if he ever found it somehow.  Not that it depicts him in a bad light...other than being the father of someone who grew up to have an addiction problem...like most people in the world, in some form or fashion.  Does anyone have any advice in this department?

J is doing great...except he lost his job...but he decided to go back to school in January!  He's looking for another job to hold him over until then.  His father said he would pay his living expenses if J could get loans for school.  We're not sure yet how much he qualifies for...so I'll help him if he doesn't get aid.

I'm still interviewing for a few positions.  At times I feel that I should be looking more diligently, but then these projects come up...and well I'm enjoying life.  I'm very blessed that I have money in the bank to draw from to get me through...but then I feel a bit guilty for continuing to use it...oh well...I believe I'm where I'm supposed to be right now.

Sending peace, love & joy to all of you!

Bundle of Joy!



We have a new bundle of joy…Jake! He’s a Brittany Spaniel and three months old. The previous owners had him for a month. The husband is in the military and is being deployed to Iraq on Monday. He got him for his wife so she wouldn’t miss him so much while he’s gone for a year…but they have three children and another dog and it’s a bit too much for her.


I’ve had dogs most of my life and have missed having one for the past few years in some ways and have enjoyed the freedom of not having one also. I have been jogging him two miles each day for the past three days that we’ve had him. I read that this breed of dog can become destructive if not exercised enough…so this is the perfect place for him. We have an invisible fence that encompasses an acre of the five acres of land, but I need to research how and when to train him. His favorite games are me chasing him and playing tug of war. He’s already a mama’s boy - following me everywhere. He was living in an apartment…so he’s almost on sensory overload out in the country…with the new sights, sounds and smells. He’s a hunting dog and has already pointed a grasshopper. He loves to drink out of the KOI pond and it’s fun to watch the goldfish swim over to where he’s lapping up water and for some reason congregate there. He’s fallen in a couple of times.!


The neighbor’s cat…who was here all of the time…has been scarce lately. I’ll miss the presents the cat was leaving for me at the back door almost every day…dead mice and a half-eaten squirrel (yuck)!







This is a photo of the lane that leads to our house…we’re the last one down the quarter-mile road…









This is our neighbor’s barn…he has sheep, alpacas, dogs and cats!




He says, I'm pooped!




P.S.  I've been seeing my mother every 2-3 days and have established better boundaries!  I quit smoking 5-6 days ago...with the help of the patch...and feel much better!


Smoke Another One!


You're probably wondering what this post will be about.  It's about me having a revelation today concerning my relationship with my mother.  I had a meeting with the staff at her nursing home today - and my mother was part of it.  Basically, everyone is fed up with her...they didn't tell her, but after that meeting I spoke with the Director and the Social Worker and talked a while longer.  The Director said she almost turned my mother away the day she came in because she is so difficult to deal with.  She's uncooperative with physical therapy...is constantly walking outside to smoke and complains she's too tired for therapy.  She complains constantly...about everything!

I have brought her home to give her a shower once and gave her a shower at the nursing home once because she doesn't want them to.  The entire time I'm with her...which has been every day for 1-4 hours a day...she complains.  She's manipulative and disrespectful.  She'll turn on the charm...when necessary though.  I've always known these things about her...but was in denial about how disruptive she really is and about how abusive she's been to me.  Through the years I've made excuses for her behavior...but I'm running out!

It's time for me to set boundaries!  It's difficult though when you feel guilty because you feel like you're not being a good daughter if you don't jump and especially now that she's got two broken arms.  But she sure can walk outside to smoke...lots!

After speaking with the Director and Social Worker they opened my eyes to how she works me.  They think she has a mental problem.  I asked them if it would be wrong to go 3 days before I saw her...they said, "You don't have to see her at all while she's here...if you don't want to."  WOW.  It would take me too long to try to give enough examples to paint the full picture...so I don't expect anyone to really understand.

By the way...the "Smoke Another One" pertains really to me - because I struggle with stopping my cigarette habit and think that this is one more piece of the picture that will help me to heal from my past and STOP smoking!

P.S.  Relating to my last post...my brother spent two nights with a friend and then my mother gave him $100 yesterday for a hotel for a few nights...even though he has been contacted by my cousin to help him find housing.

Does this have my name on it?



As I mentioned in my last post my mother broke both of her arms and is in a nursing home for the next 3 to 4 weeks.  She lives in a subsidized retirement apartment and my older brother who is an alcoholic has been living with her there for the past six months.  She sneaks him in and out the side door but other residents have complained to the Manager that they think he is living there.  The Manager called me over a month ago and asked me if he was and I said that I'm not in contact with him and didn't want to get involved.

My mother enables him and is co-dependent.  She helps him financially, although he receives unemployment...even though she is accumulating a lot of credit card debt, lives on a fixed income and has no means to pay it off.  He is abusive to her...mentally, emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically.  I have called the police once when he locked her out of her previous apartment (when he was drunk) and she admitted to me for the first time that he was grabbing her arms and twisting her skin to the point of bruising her.  The police spoke to him and said if there were any more problems they would take him to jail.

Since he's been living with her he keeps the air conditioner very cold which suits him but freezes my mother who has circulation problems.  Since she has been in the Nursing home for the past few days he won't agree to let anyone come to her apartment to get the things that she needs.  He'll bring a few things at a time for her...but doesn't know what type of clothes she needs that will fit over her splint.  He'll call her and cuss her out on the phone and has control of her car, her purse and her jewelry.  He told her he lost her jewelry and then the next day said he found it.  She is intimidated of him but when my other brother, my cousin or myself talk to her about finding him a shelter to live in...a place that can help him find employment...she says now is not the right time...that it would send him into a nervous breakdown.

He is very jealous of me and my brother mostly because when my father passed away in 2006 he was given much less in the Will.  My father and he hadn't spoken in over 20 years.  He is filled with hatred and anger.

I've talked with a few people about me calling the Manager and reporting him and then my cousin and her husband could help him with a list of the places he could go.  My cousin said she would call the Manager, because she feels someone needs to get involved.  I know my brother would immediately call my mother and upset her to the extreme.

I grapple with this decision because she is an adult and makes her own decisions.  At the same time, I know that if I was walking by someone who was being physically abused, I would get involved to help.  My husband and son think I should call or let my Cousin call.  Initially, my Mother was going to refuse to go to the Nursing home and just return back home and let him take care of her...although he sleeps most of the day.  In one breath she complains about him and in the next, she protects him.

I would appreciate any and all comments/thoughts!

Life...


I've been reading everyone's blogs...just not commenting...sorry!  Some of you are doing better - in spite of what's going on with your loved one's addiction; some of you are doing worse - health problems and/or emotional issues and some are status quo.  I've been praying for you (except for about 8 days while I was working 12-15 hr. days moving, painting, removing wallpaper, etc.)

To catch you up with my life...we closed on the other house at the end of July and officially moved out on Wednesday.  We closed on the new house 10 days ago and since that time with the help one day of 8 friends/family and my son J and his girlfriend, were able to paint three bedrooms and move the boxes and smaller stuff.  Since then Randy and I have finished painting the remainder of the interior of the house, had new carpet installed, a new refrigerator delivered and the movers moved the heavy stuff on Wednesday.

I am known for being able to move and have everything put away (including pictures put on the wall within 2 days).  My husband thinks I'm a bit obsessive compulsive.  Even if it is...I get a lot done!

The visit with my friend from England went well.  We stayed busy...went to an amusement park and rode all of the intense thrill rides.  I was proud of myself for riding the biggest and badest (is that a word?)!  We went to a wine tasting, a party, went boating/skiing twice, out to eat a few times, spent two days in Chicago...which was amazing and shopped a lot!  Since she can get $1.50 to every pound, she took advantage of it. 

I've had two interviews with one company and one interview with another.  I have a third interview with the first company on Wednesday.  Tuesday I have to get a crown at the dentist and Thursday I have a routine over 50 colonoscopy.  My girlfriend said you're getting it at both ends!!

Anyway, I love this house.  So does my husband and son.  My son is still doing well.  He celebrated his one year abstinence from drugs on Saturday.  He has chosen to drink a few beers once a week and now questions whether he ever was an addict.  He tends to push the envelope in many ways...we'll save that for another post.

He continues going to his court ordered classes four mornings a week (which should be reduced to two any day now) and working 40-45 hours a week.  He is getting frustrated because he only makes $9.50 an hour at a machine shop and the other men make quite a bit more and don't do as much work.  He's going to ask for a raise and then look for another job if it's not granted.  I explained that life is like that...it's not always fair, but you have a choice sometimes to do something about it.  He talks about going back to college part time in a few months...which would be great!

He and I don't see each other much during the week, but he'll open up occasionally and talk about how he feels about issues.  His girlfriend is doing well.  She apologized to me over the weekend for the past and is in a voluntary program through a hospital that is covered by her insurance.  Her mother attends a class once a week there and she goes twice a week.  She has random drug/alcohol screens and she and my son attend 1 or 2 NA meetings per weekend.

She was so sweet for his one year abstinence...she took cupcakes to the NA meeting to share with everyone.

I got a phone call about an hour ago from my mother that she fell in her apartment and is waiting with my brother at the emergency room to be seen.  She told me not to come...that she would call me as soon as she knew something.  She thinks her arm is broken.  My older brother is living there with her because he can't find a job (or should I say he doesn't look) and he's the one that has been abusive to her in the past.  So needless to say I'm concerned that perhaps she didn't "trip over a cord", but was pushed.

She lives in a retirement complex and has to sneak my brother in and out.  The apartment complex manager called me a couple of weeks ago and said he's been getting complaints that people think he's living there and asked me if he was.  I said that I'm not in contact with him and don't want to get involved.

She is in jeopardy of being evicted, but she is the "enabler"!  I'm waiting for another call and am worried.

There's more to talk about...but it's getting late...so I'll stop by your blogs this week and say hello!

Break Time


I'm going to take a break from blogging...well a bigger break than lately.  There is so much going on...closing on my house this week...found another house and will be closing on it later in August.  Interviewing for a job next week.  Packing.  Going to Chicago next Friday for the weekend to pick up a friend from England who has never been to America and is staying with us for 10-12 days.

The new house is on 5 acres...wooded lot...3 bedroom/2 bath ranch...vaulted ceilings and skylights...which I love...and less expensive.  I feel very grateful that my house sold so quickly...having only lived here for 2 years and that we found a house that suits us.

J is very busy.  He reports to two probation officers.  He's enjoying driving again.  He will have been clean from drugs for 1 year next month!

I may paint a picture of "everything's rosy"...but all of us...my son, myself and husband go through our moments of sadness, agitation, irritation, anger, etc., but I'm not one to dwell on the negative...my attitude is one personality characteristic that I'm most grateful for!

Something I've realized through all of this...I thought I was co-dependent and discovered I'm not.  It's difficult to separate normal parent feelings and being a nice person feelings from some of the symptoms of this.

I'll leave you with a few more pictures from Europe...



Flower Peddler in Cannes, France







Portugal





Croatia



Portugal

I'll continue to pray for everyone and read your posts. Thank you to those of you who keep us in your prayers and/or thoughts!






Beauty and My Life


Here are some additional photos from Europe...


Dubrovnik, Croatia



Island of Capri, Italy



On board the cruise at sunset



Segovia, Spain



We found a car for J and bought it Saturday...it's a 1997 with only 67,000 miles on it!  He passed his written and physical driving tests...but the Court messed up and didn't provide the BMV with the correct information concerning J's suspension.  So...after many phone calls, hopefully today they will fax the correct info over to the BMV so that we can get his "interlock" drivers license.  Of course, it's a trial in patience for J...to have a car now and not be able to drive it just yet.

He has another drug test today in between class and work.  Tomorrow he has a probation appt. in between class and work...busy, busy, busy!!

The other day I asked him why he was so quiet...he said the drugs changed his personality.  I asked him if he was being serious...he said "Yes".  I do get him to chuckle and/or smile occasionally...which is great to see!

I'm also being patient concerning the sale of my house and the purchase of another one.  We still haven't heard back about the appraisal from last week and we put an offer down on a foreclosure property that is owned by the bank...to which they replied that there was another offer...so to give our best offer...which we did...now we're waiting.  I haven't packed a thing yet...just going through things gradually...getting together goodwill items and throwing away some.  I'm not a pack rat...but I'm excited about simplifying my life!  For example, I have a paraffin wax warmer for the hands that I haven't used in years...gone now!

I received a call about a job and they'll be calling me later this week for an interview...the timing is great!  I am an event planner/sales manager and I used to work with the Chef from this facility when we were at another venue, so he referred me.

My husband and I went canoeing yesterday...it was fun.

I'm treating myself to a massage today...it's only $30 for 1 hour...it was half price!

Sending peace and love to all of you!!

Driving Soon


J was granted driving privileges again...whew!  Lots of details to attend to...calling the insurance co. to get a referral to a "high risk" company and then calling them...driving over for him to sign and p/u paperwork...setting up an 8 hr. BMV required driving class for this Saturday...etc. etc.  He was told by the BMV that he has to retake his written and physical driving test...He'll have to go into work late on Monday to do that.

I helped with some of these details...but J still says everything is a little overwhelming.  It makes you wonder about the people who don't have every conceivable type of help available to them...financial, transportation, emotional if requested...like J...How they handle it?

J's Dad is going to send him the money for an inexpensive car.  He has to get an interlock (blow in before the car starts) device installed.  Hopefully, we'll find a vehicle within a week!

I finally got my bail money...$1250...back from over a year ago!

J also had a urine test this week...a probation appointment where he found out that they are transferring that County's probation to the other County...so he was pleased by the news.

Hope to post again soon!

The Case for Treating Drug Addicts in Prison





This was an article on MSN's home page that I thought was interesting.  It's rather long!

Author: Scott Olson



The Case for Treating Drug Addicts in Prison        


Treatment for drug addiction works better and costs less than imprisonment alone. So why are states abandoning it?

Drug Rehab a Rare Commodity in Prison For the last 16 years, Dr. Josiah Rich has gone weekly to prisons in or near Providence, R.I., to treat people being held there for drug-related offenses. Each time, he has wrestled with an ethical conundrum: not the issue of whether the offenders have done something wrong, but whether the American prison system is doing something worse. “What I see is not bad people,” he says. “Predominantly, I see people with a disease.”

Of the 2.3 million inmates in the U.S., more than half have a history of substance abuse and addiction. Not all those inmates are imprisoned on drug-related charges (although drug arrests have been rising steadily since the early 1990s; there were 195,700 arrests in 2007). But in many cases, their crimes, such as burglary, have been committed in the service of feeding their addictions. Rich, a professor of medicine and community health at Brown University, is worried that, by refusing or neglecting to provide treatment to these addicts, many U.S. prisons are missing the best chance to cure them—and in the process to cut down on future crime. Treatment can reduce recidivism rates from 50 percent to something more like 20 percent, according to the DEA. Yet it is not widely provided.

“Our system has taken the highest-risk and most ill people and put them in a place where they have constitutionally mandated health care,“ Rich says. “What a great opportunity to make a difference. Are we just trying to punish people? Or are we trying to rehabilitate people? What do we want out of this?”

Looking at the way prisons currently deal with drug addiction, the answer to Rich’s question is unclear. Over the last few years, some in the justice system have warmed to the idea of treating drug addicts in addition to (or instead of) incarcerating them.

In some states, most notably Ohio, almost all first-time drug offenders and many second-timers are offered treatment. That is by no means the case nationally. According to a report released last year by the National Institute on Drug Abuse, just one fifth of inmates get some form of treatment. That number may be lower in the near future: tight budgets are forcing many states to cut back or close down their existing treatment programs. Kansas and Pennsylvania have already done so; California and Texas may follow suit in the next few months.

The irony here is that by lowering recidivism, the programs themselves save money in the long run. The NIDA report released last year cited a remarkable statistic: heroin addicts who received no treatment in jail were seven times as likely as treated inmates to become re-addicted, and three times as likely to end up in prison again. For every dollar spent, the programs save $2 to $6 by reducing the costs of re-incarceration, according to Human Rights Watch. Looked at another way, the programs can save the justice system about $47,000 per inmate.

RELATED ARTICLE: Should States Cut College or Prison Spending? »

So why would prisons target their own treatment programs in an effort to cut costs? Part of the reason is that pharmacological treatment—such as giving heroin addicts methadone to help them through withdrawal—requires a lot of regulation, and thus it’s expensive in the short run. Pharmacological treatment isn’t the only way of helping addicts—the White House’s drug-policy arm has a good list of other options—but in many cases it’s the most effective. Unfortunately, it’s also very tricky. It can be undermined by the fact that addicts can easily relapse behind bars; a Human Rights Watch report last year claimed that “drugs are as available in prison as in the street,” often getting to inmates via the mail. (Reliable statistics on inmate drug use are understandably hard to come by, since prisoners have no reason to fess up to using.)

There are other challenges, too, particularly in treating addicts with methadone. “People are loath to provide methadone because it poses some security risk,” says Dr. Amy Nunn, also a professor of medicine at Brown. “It could be diverted or sold on the black market, or someone might rob the dispensary.” When methadone is given, it’s usually with strict oversight at a medical center, not as a matter of course in the correctional facility. That takes money.

Buprenorphine, which is used to treat opioid addicts, is a little easier for prisons to deal with because it’s “harder to divert,” Nunn adds. The medication has an additive that prevents it from being crushed up and inhaled. But it is not widely used either. Only half of all states and prisons provide any form of methadone or buprenorphine treatment, and those that do make use of the drugs do so in a limited fashion, even though the WHO has both medications on a list of drugs that should be available to all prisoners at any time.

But Nunn says the real problem is an ideological one, not a practical one. “In spite of all of the proven clinical and social and economic benefits of pharmacological treatment, people really have a moral opposition to it,” she says. “They think if you’re providing people with treatment, you’re not addressing their addiction in an appropriate way. They think people who have addictions deserve what they get, and that the only way to treat addiction is abstinence, when nothing could be further from the truth.”

Steven Belenko, a professor of criminal justice at Temple University, adds that people who work in prisons don’t necessarily think that way: “Correctional professionals recognize the importance of these types of services,” he says. Bob May, associate director of the Association of State Correctional Administrators, agrees. He says people who work in the system “acknowledge the value of the programs. There was a time, years ago, when that wasn’t the case. People weren’t convinced that the programs were effective, or even cost-effective.

When I was working as chief of detectives in a sheriff’s department, I didn’t believe in these programs, either. My job was to put people away. You know, you think it’s just some bleeding-heart liberal trying to make excuses for a crime. But I didn’t know that 75 to 80 percent of people I was arresting for other crimes had an abuse problem.” Now, he adds, “we know from the research that with people who go through drug treatment, even if they still use drugs afterwards, their crimes are less violent and less frequent. Even if it’s not a 100 percent change, it’s a good thing.” The public doesn’t necessarily think treatment is bad, either; a recent poll found that more than two thirds of Americans would support state laws requiring treatment—not jail time—for first- and second-time drug offenders.

But politicians may oppose treatment (at least publicly), especially if they’re worried about being seen as soft on crime. And even if they support the idea, with state budgets under a crunch, treatment can start to look expendable. “It’s the legislators who are funding or not funding these types of things,” Belenko says. “So even when prison systems are very open and supportive of treatment, they face a bunch of administrative constraints and cost constraints. They don’t have enough funds to do this.”

That’s been the case as long as treatment programs have been around, judging by a 1991 government report, which showed that only a fifth of drug-addicted inmates who needed treatment were able to get it. But the current economy has made things worse. In Florida, for instance, corrections secretary Walter McNeil recently suggested—“reluctantly,” according to the St. Petersburg Times—a $36 million budget cut that would close “most of the state’s publicly funded treatment centers.”

Then there’s Texas. In 2003 the state government (largely led by Republicans) started to whittle away at treatment programs. Four years later, thanks to efforts led by State Sen. John Whitmire, it changed course, putting more money into them, rather than less, and adding 6,000 “beds” available to treat nonviolent prisoners who have substance-abuse issues. Whitmire, who had been robbed at gunpoint by a cocaine addict, says that sometimes convincing fellow legislators of the value of more treatment was a “hard sell,” but he told them this was a public-safety issue: “I’ve begged for my life once from someone addicted to cocaine,” he says. “I would much rather spend money on his addiction than face that gun again. This isn’t about being soft on crime. It’s about being tough, but also smart.”

His initiative saw positive results initially: the prison population, predicted to climb by more than 5,000 by the end of 2008, grew by only a 10th of that. Public and political opinion, even among Republicans, started to turn in favor of treatment—until earlier this year, when Gov. Rick Perry asked each state agency to slash 5 percent from their budgets. Once again, treatment ended up on the chopping block. The Texas Department of Criminal Justice proposed to slash $23 million from treatment programs. Whitmire argued successfully against that proposal, but now the system faces an even larger pending cut of 10 percent.

According to a report commissioned by the Justice Center at the Council of State Governments, “Of the proposed $124.3 million FY 2010–11 reduction [in Texas], $109.4 million, or 88 percent, will be reductions in probation and parole supervision, alternatives to incarceration, mental health services, substance abuse treatment, halfway houses, and intermediate sanction facilities.” Tony Fabelo, director of research at the CSG and a coauthor of the report, says “the only way to save money,” at least in the short term, “is shutting down programs or shutting down prisons. And if there were an outcry about shutting down programs, there would be a bigger one about shutting down prisons. So those are the dynamics where we are trapped.”

That is deeply concerning to Whitmire. “If we do not continue these programs, people will re-offend, recidivism rates will rise, and it will be a danger to the public,” he says. “You either pay now, or pay later—and you pay a lot more later.”

What happens to addicts who don’t get treatment in prison? Often they return to their addiction upon their release. “When somebody’s addicted to heroin and they don’t get treatment, they’re [likely] to get addicted to heroin again,” says Rich. “The drug has biologically changed their brains. You can tie someone down and make sure they don’t use any opiates and you can keep them there for years, and the day they walk out, they [can] get opiates.”
And then they’re likely to wind up back in the prison system. That’s bad news for the inmates, the prisons, and the taxpayers, since, as Rich puts it, treatment is “certainly cheaper than the gobs of money we’re spending to keep locking people up.”

In other words, no matter how you feel about drug-addicted inmates, you’re going to pay for dealing with their addiction. So why aren’t we choosing the cheaper—and arguably more humane—option?
Find out more about the social and economic impact of America's prisons in our series. Read about the debate over whether cash-strapped states should cut classrooms or prison cells, and find out how the recession is slamming private jails.

Missed You


I returned from the three week whirlwind European trip on June 21st and had two days to unpack, do laundry, go through mail, pay bills, etc. etc. and pack for a four day boating/camping trip in Kentucky.  I returned Sunday from that and realized I forgot my password for getting into my blog.  I tried resetting the password, but "they" would send the info to the account I couldn't remember the password for...but I finally remembered!

I'm up to date on what's going on with most every one...just haven't had time to comment yet.  I can't remember if I mentioned I decided to sell my house.  I bought the house when my husband and I were divorced.  I put it on the market two days before I left on the trip and there has been much activity.  I received a good offer yesterday and signed a contract...so now we'll be looking to possibly rent a place or buy.  Ultimately, we'd like to move to the Carolinas or somewhere?

J is doing great!  He was in his two week assessment through the courts while I was gone and they assessed that he just needs an out-patient program.  He goes to a class Monday through Thursday, 9-12noon and then works from 2pm-10pm.  His boss agreed to let him only work until 10pm, instead of 1am for the two months that he is attending.  Then he will only go twice a week 9-12noon for a few months and then once a week.  In between showings of the house, I've been driving about 2 1/2 hours total per day to get him to everything.  It's a small price to pay for having my son back!

He had his last court appearance last week and his attorney was very excited that he was able to be granted "Treatment in Lieu of Conviction" in two different counties.  In his 34 years of handling these cases, he's never seen it happen.  I've been praying for all of us almost every day...even on the trip.

Here are a few pictures of the 888 that I took...

In Lisbon, Portugal




Cinque Terre, Italy (We hiked 1 1/2 hours from one town to the next, along the Italian riviera)




Venice (this was on my birthday...took a Gondola ride)




The trip was amazing and I am blessed in many ways.  I'll post more later!

Update


Wanted to let you know that today I leave for my three weeks in Europe...so I won't be commenting...but I will continue to pray for everyone!

There have been some changes here lately...my husband and I (mostly me) decided to sell our house.  I bought it when we were divorced almost two years ago...and feel that it's too much space just for us.  My roommate is moving out...that's another story!

J has been home since Saturday from the 20 days at the DUI rehab and is leaving tomorrow for the two week assessment.  He went to a wedding Sat. evening...where he drank some...and last night went to a party...where he drank even more...not a good sign!  I know he is worried about going back in for the assessment!

I've been getting the house ready for the market.  Part of me wishes I was here to "orchestrate" everything, but most of me...99% can't wait to get the hell out of dodge!

See you in the summer!

Harley Heaven



There is something fascinating about people watching at Bike Night! Almost as if this is the stage for people’s alter egos to surface…their time to let it all hang out!




My husband and I seem to be those people. Years ago we donned the cowboy hats and boots and knew all of the line dances…now it’s time to straddle the Harley! This isn’t him…





Do you see the inner child bursting out…




This is the friend I’ll be going to Europe with…watch out!!





I just had to show off the new jeans I got for Mother's Day!





Who said your 50's have to be dull!

Two Blogs


While checking out Pioneer Woman's Blog, I discovered Katie Granju's blog Mama Pundit.  Granju’s son H was brutally beaten, most likely during a drug deal gone bad and suffered a drug overdose on April 28th.  Through her blog I discovered Joanna Cravey's Blog, a grandmother raising her drug addicted daughter's daughter.  Joanna discovered Katie's blog on The New York Times blog, Motherlode, by Lisa Belkin.

Both women could use our prayers and support!

It's interesting to me how we stumble upon blogs concerning addiction, even when we're not looking for them.

My son J is being released Saturday after serving 20 days for the DUI he received back in March of 2009.  He will be home for only three days before going into a court ordered two week assessment that stems from the felony charges also from March of 2009.  If you'll recall, he was granted "Treatment in Lieu of Conviction".

My trip to Europe is rapidly approaching...only five more days!

Fantasy Farm


Had a great time at my Cousin's farm this weekend!




He carves wooden sculptures...








Has amazing gardens...








There are chickens, horses, baby lambs, a donkey, a dog, two cats, pigs, and a miniature horse!
I'm just not posting photos of all...




and red barns...




Hope your weekend was filled with beauty!!


The Woods


These are photos I took...except for the one of me...the past few days from three hikes I've gone on.
I'm grateful today for nature, my "Vasque" hiking boots, and cameras!






"Quit hanging on to the handrails . . . Let go. Surrender. Go for the ride of your life. Do it every day."
Melody Beattie, "Finding Your Way Home"







"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we really are, far more than our abilities."
Albus Dumbledore in one of the Harry Potter books & movies







"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."
Judith Kelman







"All of us have been dying, hour by hour, since the moment we were born. Realizing this, let all things be placed in their proper perspective. . . . Remember, it is always later than you think."
Og Mandino in  "The Greatest Success in the World"





"That whisper you keep hearing is the universe trying to get your attention."
Oprah Winfrey

"Life is Good" Award



Shen from ReunitedSelves honored me with
the "Life is Good" award.  Thanks Shen!!  The following are my answers to the
questions associated with acceptance of the award:




1. What would your perfect day consist of?


Being outdoors with the sun shining...a backrub...a yummy picnic lunch...a hike through the woods...a nap... saying, hearing and meaning the words "I Love You"...hearing the birds singing and later...some music!


2. How would you describe yourself if you were an item of clothing?


A light-weight, wrinkle resistant, colorful, wrap dress that could be worn during the day as a casual outfit or dressed up in the evening with high heels and appropriate accessories!


3. What hobbies are you currently working on?


My blog, hot yoga, travel planning, and reading!


4. Walking in the woods in wellies or bare foot on the beach?


Walking in the woods in wellies!


5. Have you ever hugged or sang to a tree?


I have hugged a tree!


6. Growing your own veggies or nipping to the supermarket?


I've never grown my own veggies - but I do buy some organic!


7. Have you found anyone exciting in your family tree?


I think my grandfather was pretty exciting!


8. Slap up meal in a posh restaurant or fish 'n' chips from the wrapper?


I like both - but I'd have to pick "posh restaurant" since usually it's the latter!


9. Which element do you most resonate with, Earth, Air, Fire or water?


"Fire"!  I'm usually the firestarter and tender of it...and jump over campfires for everyone's entertainment!


10. Do you believe in fairies?


If fairies are "Angels", then Yes!


Thanks again, Shen!


It's a really hard choice, but I would like to pass this award on to the following bloggers:

Renee at renee-mentalimages

Heather's Mom at heathersmom1

Barbara at parentofheroinaddict

Her Big Sad at herbigsad

Anna at letgohangon

Annette at journeyofrecoverysearchforserenity

Jennifer at onetrueself

If you have time, post it as I have and answer the questions!!

A Day in the Life of a Census Taker



I've been working as a Crew Leader Assistant and also going out in the field to do Census work.  It's been interesting!  I'm lucky that the area I'm working in is very nice...some of the homes are million dollar homes.  I've probably been to about 75 houses and only encountered one lady that was somewhat beligerant.  She was quite rude and when I got to the question about picking a race...she said..."American - that white is not a race...it's a color of skin."  Towards the end she apologized and said that she just has a problem with the government.  She then remarked that she'd heard we make $60 a visit and I said "No - nothing close to that", so she asked how much I make and I told her politely that I wouldn't share that information.  I've worked with the public my whole life in some capacity and with many "difficult" bosses and co-workers, so this has been a natural fit for me.


When I approached another house, there were two dogs in the yard, a border collie and an "ankle biter".  An "electric fence" sign was posted and I stood on the sidewalk sizing up the situation as the "ankle biter" yapped away.   Less than a minute went by and I made the decision to brave it...so I walked up the driveway onto the entry sidewalk, up to the front door, while the "ankle biter" followed me...yapping.  The first thing the homeowner said was, "I guess you have to be a dog lover to have this job", to which I replied, "I watch the Dog Whisperer and I am a dog lover".  

A couple of days ago I pulled into someone's driveway because there wasn't a close parking spot and decided I wouldn't lock my car.  As I shut the door, I had a sinking feeling that I locked it out of habit...and I did...with my cell phone in it.  The home owner was very understanding and let me use her cell phone.  My husband said that there was a "valet" key that he had put under the front end of the car with a plastic tie down...thank God!

I'm still reading the one year Bible and it talks about the Census being taken way back when.  In America it's been taken since 1790!

Not sure what my next gig will be yet!

Bitter Sweet



Last night my son arrived home with his girlfriend and handed me two dozen roses...this is a picture of them...and a card.  He said he thought the card was perfect.  It said:


Mother

no one has to tell me how lucky I am to have you,
because I've known for along time

When I think back over the years
and remember all the special things
you've done for me,
I realize that you're not only
a great mother, but you're also
a wonderful person.
You've taught me so much
about life and love and giving,
and those are lessons I'll never forget.

So many things that have added to my happiness
have been gifts from you...
maybe having a mother like you
has spoiled me a bit,
but don't ever think
I don't appreciate and love you,
because I do...with all my heart.

Happy Mother's Day


Inside he wrote:  I'll never be able to express how much you mean to me and how much I love you.
                          Thank you so much for being here for me through everything.  Love, J


My husband just left to take J to his three week DUI rehab.  As J and I hugged goodby...I swallowed the tears until he walked out of the door.  I'm very lucky to have a son like him...I'll miss him!