Awakening Through Love

Awakening Through Love

Showing posts with label jail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jail. Show all posts

Travel Therapy


The following is an article I'm going to submit for a contest and would like constructive criticism.  The following questions should be answered:

Have you been particularly enlightened, surprised or changed by a travel experience? Why do you travel?


Travel Therapy

My anticipation and excitement mounted as the plane landed in Cairo, Egypt.  Although I had traveled quite extensively in comparison to many Americans and lived in Germany while in the military, this 18-day trip to Egypt and Jordan would be my first encounter with a foreign and exotic culture.  Having left my career earlier that year to take care of my ill mother and with the knowledge that my 21-year-old beautiful, talented and intelligent son was battling the demon of drug addiction, I was eager to lose myself exploring far away lands.  This would be the first of three journeys that I embarked upon in 2009. 

It was easy to forget while squinting my eyes against the bright, penetrating eastern sun to gaze at the immense Pyramids; walking in the footsteps of Moses to the top of Mt. Sinai to witness the sunset; or floating weightless in the Dead Sea.  It was easy to forget as I danced with the Bedouin people of the Wadi Rum desert, in the swirling smoke filled tent, my blood pulsing with the rhythmic beat of their instruments; having my skin rubbed raw in a steam filled Turkish bath house, or losing myself amidst the towering rose colored, carved monuments of the lost city of Petra.

A few weeks later, it was easy to forget while hiking the ancient Inca Trail to the mysterious and sacred city of Machu Picchu, where the spirits dwell among the stone buildings; playing soccer with local Peruvians on an island of the brilliant deep blue Lake Titicaca; and feasting on sweet, moist pancakes prepared over an open fire, as a guest in a local family’s home.

My son was in a court ordered outpatient rehab program, but it wasn’t enough.  Later that year, I found him passed out on the floor of his bedroom and called a crisis hotline.  He spent three months in jail and six months in a lock down rehab and I read everything I could concerning addiction, co-dependence, and enabling.  I started a blog and reached out to other hurting parents and became one of many that received and gave comfort and support.  I prayed for myself, my son, and the other tormented parents and their children.  I wondered how could this happen to us?  How does a straight A, star athlete become a drug addict?  

My final trip was to Thailand, Laos and Vietnam in December.  The elaborate temples, invigorating Thai massages, and an overnight stay on a boat off the shores of Vietnam, within the spectacular seascapes of Halong Bay, were salves for my anguished heart.

I arrived back home on Christmas Eve, having taken the opportunity to “Let go and Let God”, and thereby relinquished any preconceived notion of control over the fate of my precious son.  We weathered the storm and my son is now on the Deans List at a local community college.

Travel provided an escape from the soul wrenching spectacle of addiction, time to heal, the opportunity to see amazing sites, meet new friends, learn about different cultures, and best of all…to empower myself. 

Never give up hope and never stop traveling!




 

The Case for Treating Drug Addicts in Prison





This was an article on MSN's home page that I thought was interesting.  It's rather long!

Author: Scott Olson



The Case for Treating Drug Addicts in Prison        


Treatment for drug addiction works better and costs less than imprisonment alone. So why are states abandoning it?

Drug Rehab a Rare Commodity in Prison For the last 16 years, Dr. Josiah Rich has gone weekly to prisons in or near Providence, R.I., to treat people being held there for drug-related offenses. Each time, he has wrestled with an ethical conundrum: not the issue of whether the offenders have done something wrong, but whether the American prison system is doing something worse. “What I see is not bad people,” he says. “Predominantly, I see people with a disease.”

Of the 2.3 million inmates in the U.S., more than half have a history of substance abuse and addiction. Not all those inmates are imprisoned on drug-related charges (although drug arrests have been rising steadily since the early 1990s; there were 195,700 arrests in 2007). But in many cases, their crimes, such as burglary, have been committed in the service of feeding their addictions. Rich, a professor of medicine and community health at Brown University, is worried that, by refusing or neglecting to provide treatment to these addicts, many U.S. prisons are missing the best chance to cure them—and in the process to cut down on future crime. Treatment can reduce recidivism rates from 50 percent to something more like 20 percent, according to the DEA. Yet it is not widely provided.

“Our system has taken the highest-risk and most ill people and put them in a place where they have constitutionally mandated health care,“ Rich says. “What a great opportunity to make a difference. Are we just trying to punish people? Or are we trying to rehabilitate people? What do we want out of this?”

Looking at the way prisons currently deal with drug addiction, the answer to Rich’s question is unclear. Over the last few years, some in the justice system have warmed to the idea of treating drug addicts in addition to (or instead of) incarcerating them.

In some states, most notably Ohio, almost all first-time drug offenders and many second-timers are offered treatment. That is by no means the case nationally. According to a report released last year by the National Institute on Drug Abuse, just one fifth of inmates get some form of treatment. That number may be lower in the near future: tight budgets are forcing many states to cut back or close down their existing treatment programs. Kansas and Pennsylvania have already done so; California and Texas may follow suit in the next few months.

The irony here is that by lowering recidivism, the programs themselves save money in the long run. The NIDA report released last year cited a remarkable statistic: heroin addicts who received no treatment in jail were seven times as likely as treated inmates to become re-addicted, and three times as likely to end up in prison again. For every dollar spent, the programs save $2 to $6 by reducing the costs of re-incarceration, according to Human Rights Watch. Looked at another way, the programs can save the justice system about $47,000 per inmate.

RELATED ARTICLE: Should States Cut College or Prison Spending? »

So why would prisons target their own treatment programs in an effort to cut costs? Part of the reason is that pharmacological treatment—such as giving heroin addicts methadone to help them through withdrawal—requires a lot of regulation, and thus it’s expensive in the short run. Pharmacological treatment isn’t the only way of helping addicts—the White House’s drug-policy arm has a good list of other options—but in many cases it’s the most effective. Unfortunately, it’s also very tricky. It can be undermined by the fact that addicts can easily relapse behind bars; a Human Rights Watch report last year claimed that “drugs are as available in prison as in the street,” often getting to inmates via the mail. (Reliable statistics on inmate drug use are understandably hard to come by, since prisoners have no reason to fess up to using.)

There are other challenges, too, particularly in treating addicts with methadone. “People are loath to provide methadone because it poses some security risk,” says Dr. Amy Nunn, also a professor of medicine at Brown. “It could be diverted or sold on the black market, or someone might rob the dispensary.” When methadone is given, it’s usually with strict oversight at a medical center, not as a matter of course in the correctional facility. That takes money.

Buprenorphine, which is used to treat opioid addicts, is a little easier for prisons to deal with because it’s “harder to divert,” Nunn adds. The medication has an additive that prevents it from being crushed up and inhaled. But it is not widely used either. Only half of all states and prisons provide any form of methadone or buprenorphine treatment, and those that do make use of the drugs do so in a limited fashion, even though the WHO has both medications on a list of drugs that should be available to all prisoners at any time.

But Nunn says the real problem is an ideological one, not a practical one. “In spite of all of the proven clinical and social and economic benefits of pharmacological treatment, people really have a moral opposition to it,” she says. “They think if you’re providing people with treatment, you’re not addressing their addiction in an appropriate way. They think people who have addictions deserve what they get, and that the only way to treat addiction is abstinence, when nothing could be further from the truth.”

Steven Belenko, a professor of criminal justice at Temple University, adds that people who work in prisons don’t necessarily think that way: “Correctional professionals recognize the importance of these types of services,” he says. Bob May, associate director of the Association of State Correctional Administrators, agrees. He says people who work in the system “acknowledge the value of the programs. There was a time, years ago, when that wasn’t the case. People weren’t convinced that the programs were effective, or even cost-effective.

When I was working as chief of detectives in a sheriff’s department, I didn’t believe in these programs, either. My job was to put people away. You know, you think it’s just some bleeding-heart liberal trying to make excuses for a crime. But I didn’t know that 75 to 80 percent of people I was arresting for other crimes had an abuse problem.” Now, he adds, “we know from the research that with people who go through drug treatment, even if they still use drugs afterwards, their crimes are less violent and less frequent. Even if it’s not a 100 percent change, it’s a good thing.” The public doesn’t necessarily think treatment is bad, either; a recent poll found that more than two thirds of Americans would support state laws requiring treatment—not jail time—for first- and second-time drug offenders.

But politicians may oppose treatment (at least publicly), especially if they’re worried about being seen as soft on crime. And even if they support the idea, with state budgets under a crunch, treatment can start to look expendable. “It’s the legislators who are funding or not funding these types of things,” Belenko says. “So even when prison systems are very open and supportive of treatment, they face a bunch of administrative constraints and cost constraints. They don’t have enough funds to do this.”

That’s been the case as long as treatment programs have been around, judging by a 1991 government report, which showed that only a fifth of drug-addicted inmates who needed treatment were able to get it. But the current economy has made things worse. In Florida, for instance, corrections secretary Walter McNeil recently suggested—“reluctantly,” according to the St. Petersburg Times—a $36 million budget cut that would close “most of the state’s publicly funded treatment centers.”

Then there’s Texas. In 2003 the state government (largely led by Republicans) started to whittle away at treatment programs. Four years later, thanks to efforts led by State Sen. John Whitmire, it changed course, putting more money into them, rather than less, and adding 6,000 “beds” available to treat nonviolent prisoners who have substance-abuse issues. Whitmire, who had been robbed at gunpoint by a cocaine addict, says that sometimes convincing fellow legislators of the value of more treatment was a “hard sell,” but he told them this was a public-safety issue: “I’ve begged for my life once from someone addicted to cocaine,” he says. “I would much rather spend money on his addiction than face that gun again. This isn’t about being soft on crime. It’s about being tough, but also smart.”

His initiative saw positive results initially: the prison population, predicted to climb by more than 5,000 by the end of 2008, grew by only a 10th of that. Public and political opinion, even among Republicans, started to turn in favor of treatment—until earlier this year, when Gov. Rick Perry asked each state agency to slash 5 percent from their budgets. Once again, treatment ended up on the chopping block. The Texas Department of Criminal Justice proposed to slash $23 million from treatment programs. Whitmire argued successfully against that proposal, but now the system faces an even larger pending cut of 10 percent.

According to a report commissioned by the Justice Center at the Council of State Governments, “Of the proposed $124.3 million FY 2010–11 reduction [in Texas], $109.4 million, or 88 percent, will be reductions in probation and parole supervision, alternatives to incarceration, mental health services, substance abuse treatment, halfway houses, and intermediate sanction facilities.” Tony Fabelo, director of research at the CSG and a coauthor of the report, says “the only way to save money,” at least in the short term, “is shutting down programs or shutting down prisons. And if there were an outcry about shutting down programs, there would be a bigger one about shutting down prisons. So those are the dynamics where we are trapped.”

That is deeply concerning to Whitmire. “If we do not continue these programs, people will re-offend, recidivism rates will rise, and it will be a danger to the public,” he says. “You either pay now, or pay later—and you pay a lot more later.”

What happens to addicts who don’t get treatment in prison? Often they return to their addiction upon their release. “When somebody’s addicted to heroin and they don’t get treatment, they’re [likely] to get addicted to heroin again,” says Rich. “The drug has biologically changed their brains. You can tie someone down and make sure they don’t use any opiates and you can keep them there for years, and the day they walk out, they [can] get opiates.”
And then they’re likely to wind up back in the prison system. That’s bad news for the inmates, the prisons, and the taxpayers, since, as Rich puts it, treatment is “certainly cheaper than the gobs of money we’re spending to keep locking people up.”

In other words, no matter how you feel about drug-addicted inmates, you’re going to pay for dealing with their addiction. So why aren’t we choosing the cheaper—and arguably more humane—option?
Find out more about the social and economic impact of America's prisons in our series. Read about the debate over whether cash-strapped states should cut classrooms or prison cells, and find out how the recession is slamming private jails.

Communication Struggles



My husband and I have been having communication struggles. At the end of this morning's "communicating session" he said he thinks the problem is women. That he really dislikes women!

We don't yell/scream when we communicate. The typical scenario is that I tell him how I'm feeling about something and he gets defensive and takes it personally. Marriage is a struggle!


He agreed to go with me to visit J in jail for the first time last night. We "communicated" on the way and I mentioned that there seemed to be a lack of warmth/closeness between us. He agreed and said it has been for a while. I am the type person that likes to analyze the problem and break it down and he is the emotional one that gets upset quickly, says things he doesn't mean and/or ends the conversation abruptly. He has been going through a lot with his family this year which is a contributing factor.

He complains that I'm on the internet all of the time, which is not true (I give him examples of all the other things that I do also). It is quite complicated and I could give more details to help others understand the situation, but it is private and would turn into a book!

Anyway, while we're waiting in the waiting room, he admits that this is very hard for him - coming to see J in jail. I asked him to explain and he said for one thing it makes him feel like a failure as a step-father. He is not the type person to read or take other action to help him in situations so I just try to listen and not pass judgment.

I think men have it harder in life because they typically don't have friends they can talk to in depth about their feelings.





Well, I better get off the dreaded internet! Since I'm on it all of the time, I wonder how I managed to go out yesterday to purchase a camcorder for my trip, shampoo all of the carpets, do laundry, make phone calls, go to Lowes to p/u paint for a chest of drawers that I'm redoing today, stop by the grocery, scrub the laundry sink with steel wool, clean the house for company tomorrow, help my roommate move her things in last night after the visit to J, read the manual for the camcorder, pack some more for my trip, etc. etc. etc. Just a typical day in the life of Sherry!


SMOKE FREE - 7 DAYS!

Gratitude:

Son is safe and sober
Sense of humor
Patience
Antacids

Peace, love and happiness to everyone!!

Mind Games and Smoke Free


Although J is in jail, I imagine that he is in the military at boot camp! It is a way for me to feel better about his situation. I think that we fear the unknown and since I am familiar with boot camp, it helps.



J and I spoke the other day and he said that he volunteered to work in the kitchen 6 hours a day. He said it is making the time go by more quickly and mainly that he gets to eat more. His first day he had 2 pb/j sandwiches and 2 chicken patty sandwiches. Remember, he's 6'9" tall and slender, so he needs to eat...eat....eat!!

I was supposed to go visit him yesterday, but I ended up not going. I was thinking the football game was on at 1pm and he has joked in the past that when I visit it cuts into the first part of the game. Actually, the game started at 4pm. Since I can't call him I hope he wasn't disappointed. Part of me really didn't want to go, because we talk on the phone a couple of times a week, so we usually run out of things to talk about.




I am 84 hours smoke free...yeah!!

Gratitude:

My son is safe and sober
google - "you can find anything"
treadmill - easier on the knees and warmer
quiet home (except I have tinnitus so I always have ringing in my ears)

Court Results & Exotic Destination


In court last week, J decided to plead "no contest" to the physical control and the Judge gave him the minimum sentence, $50 fine and court costs. This week's two court cases also went well - the attorney was able to persuade them to not issue warrants and push the cases back on the docket so that J can be admitted to the rehab. He probably has about another month to go before a bed opens up - so he'll wait in jail.


I booked a trip to Thailand, Laos and Vietnam leaving December 8th and returning December 24th. My husband knows I've been stressed (mostly J's situation, my mother, searching for new career/job etc.) and supported my decision. When J called me today, I told him about it and he was also excited for me - he told me to be careful (he's a sweetie)! This is my passion and I'm going for it!

The new roommate decided to move in!! She'll be moving in a few days before I leave.

Gratitude:

J is safe and sober
Different cultures & opportunity to travel
Life

Pick a number at Jail & Roommate Search



Visited J at jail today. You pick a number and have a seat. You can call me crazy - but one of the ways I know God is with me is through the number 3 (which represents "the father, the son and holy spirit"). It has been an odd form of comfort. For a few weeks leading up to me finding J passed out on his bedroom floor and up until a couple of weeks ago, I noticed that the number 3 would appear constantly.

Almost every time I looked at the clock it would be 1:33, 10:30, 3:00, etc. and when I would pick a number at jail, it was always 3 or 13. J's inmate number when added together was 13!

When I went to buy new glasses, the bill was $333.63. When I got the oil changed in my car, the mechanic said it was $33.23, and then said "actually it is $30.23, I'm not sure where that extra 3 came from"! There are many other examples.

During this time I was feeling overwhelmed, anxiety-ridden, and all of the other emotions that a parent experiences when they finally comprehend the reality that their child is a drug addict.



Today's visit was fine. One of the positive experiences for him through this has been that his father and father's family have been writing him letters and reaching out. He's gotten letters not only from his father, but from both aunts, his grandmother, grandfather, my brother's ex-wife, my girlfriend, and of course me.

He even had an hour long conversation with his father (they only talk about once or twice a year). His father is planning on coming up from Texas to visit him over Thanksgiving!

While I was in the waiting room, there was a lady that spoke very little English (from Russia) and the police officer wasn't very helpful that was in the waiting room - so I spoke with the officer behind the 2 way mirrored glass and spoke for her. She was there to post $500 bail to get her daughter out. I don't know about the rest of you, but I get more pleasure out of giving than receiving!


I mentioned in an earlier post that my roommate moved out so we've been interviewing potential people. Last night a very nice girl in her late 20's, an engineer going to school at night to obtain her Master's degree (also a marathon runner, takes singing lessons, figure-skating lessons etc. etc.) came over and had dinner with us. She and I have a lot in common: athleticism, eating healthy (she's a vegetarian - I used to be), love of travel, etc. Her family is from the South Pacific Islands - one near Guam - needless to say she is beautiful (both inside and out)!

I have told all three people that have come over some of J's situation. I believe in being open and upfront concerning any possible issues.

She is making a decision by Tuesday - if it is meant to be it will be!


My husband is sick - possibly a virus or the flu. His fever was up to 102 yesterday. Sorry if I offend any men out there, but it seems whenever he is sick (even with a cold and no fever) the world is going to end. I have to say that he has gotten better about it, the older he gets.

Gratitude:

Son is safe and sober
Medicine (to make husband less grumpy and better)
Naps
Choices

Love, peace and happiness to everyone!!

Back in Jail - Blindsided





We went to Court yesterday and it was strange to be the only case being heard before the Judge. The Judge agreed to have J interviewed by TASC to determine whether he is eligible for Treatment in Lieu of Conviction. That is set up for tomorrow. We then went to my brother's house for my nephew's birthday party. J brought his "Beatles Guitar Hero" and we all had a good time with that.

Today we went to Court for 2 other charges in a different county and this Judge sentenced J to 30 days in jail for the "Reckless Op" charge and suspension of license for 1 year. He felt that J was not taking things seriously enough because of all of the events since March. The attorney explained that he recently was left in jail for 30 days and not bailed out and that he is NOW taking things seriously, but I guess a little too late.

The attorney was very surprised and it was sad to watch them handcuff J in his dress clothes and take him away!

J has been doing well - but - as I think about what the Judge said, I agree because even now he has not been wanting to go to the mandatory AA/NA meetings (he says they don't help him. This morning we had time to go to his twice weekly pre-rehab meeting before Court, but when I woke him up he said he didn't want to go and would just call them and tell them that he had Court today.

This may have been a blessing in disguise - who knows - he may have relapsed or worse before being sentenced to rehab!

Today I'm thankful for:

1. My son is safe and sober.
2. My husband's support (he's stopping to pick up something for dinner).
3. A feeling of acceptance and peace!

I have been reading everyone's posts - just haven't taken time to comment yet - but I read every word!

God Bless Everyone!

Home from Jail


J arrived home last night with his girlfriend and I had steak/vegie/salad ready. We talked more about how jail was. Drug addicts banging their heads against the wall. Playing cards and betting commissary items and how some guys would get into fights because they wouldn't pay up. J witnessing a guy go into a diabetic coma and the nurse shinning a light into his eyes and then just laying him in his cell. How the people released on work release would return with drugs stashed in their ______. Guys that would give all three of their meals to someone in exchange for a cup of coffee (needed a fix). J said he didn't get into it with anyone because he didn't mess with them and they didn't mess with him.

He told me how he won't let me down this time and how he didn't even crave drugs while he was in there. He apologized for all the stress he's caused and understands why I called the police. He says he doesn't remember much about the evening but thinks he O.D.'d and that's why he was on the floor. I asked him if he knew how many pills he took and he said 20 xanax bars and snorted 5 crushed up percocet. He thinks I saved his life.

After reading so many of these blogs and other addiction related material I know to be cautious about what to believe. I had made a MISTAKE back about 1 year ago when I let J's girlfriend start sleeping over. I spoke with J a couple of days ago about house rules that we were going to institute and were in the process of deciding on them and said one of them would be that his girlfriend could come to visit 1 or 2 times per week. I was under so much emotional strain that I don't remember if I said she couldn't spend the night.

Anyway, I did read the initial draft to her over the phone so last night when he said she wouldn't be spending the night I thought we were all on the same page. This morning about 7am I saw her shoes in the foyer so I went downstairs and woke them up explaining that she would need to leave. He became very upset and said "This is f------ bull----". Normally, J is not disrespectful and is a very affectionate, kind person. He is very protective of her and I reminded her that I had read the rules to her on the phone. Initially my rules were:

1. NO drugs or alcohol
2. NO friends to visit except Lily twice a week (no sleepovers).
3. Complete daily chores as given to you by me.
4. No leaving the house without my consent.
5. Awake by 8am Mon-Fri and 9:30am Sat-Sun (with your own alarm clock) and lights
out by 11pm Mon-Fri and 12:30am Sat-Sun.
6. Exercise for 1/2 hr. per day 5 days a week.
7. Read every day for 1/2.
8. Limited home phone privileges - controlled by me.

After reading more co-dependent / enabling / addiction info yesterday decided to stick with Rules 1, 2 and 3. His future/life is in his hands and God's.

I turned my son in to the police


The next morning at 4:30am I went downstairs and J was passed out on the floor of his bedroom. I got him up and he was very drugged. We talked some and as I was getting him into bed I tried to take his jeans off but he resisted so something told me to put my hand in his pocket and I pulled out a bottle of pills. I got him into bed - he asked me to lay down with him, which I did and he immediately went back to sleep. My heart ached for my son!

I had done some research online a few weeks earlier and came across some articles that I have attached at the bottom. It was if the blinders had been lifted. I had also attended a Naranon meeting.

I called a drug crisis hotline and I explained some of the circumstances of the situation and the gentleman told me that his 19 yr. old daughter was in prison and would be out in February, that he was watching her baby until then and that I should make my son leave the house immediately and if he wouldn't then to call 911 (non-emergency) and ask them to take him from the premises. I knew that he was in no condition to leave so I called. Two cruisers arrived and they asked if he lived there (did his mail come there) and I said yes - so they said they couldn't take him - that I would have to have him evicted. I asked them to wait and I walked away and called the hotline again.

I got a different guy this time and didn't give him any details other than that the police wouldn't take him and should I tell them about the pills. He said YES - so I did and they went to his bedroom with me and handcuffed him and took him to jail.

It was the hardest/easiest thing I've ever done. By easiest I mean I felt like I was being led to do this and didn't feel much at the time. By the hardest, for the weeks to follow I would analyze it to death (in between all of the reading I've been doing for the last few months - mostly spiritual books (Dr. Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, and the Bible) and worry that because he was within weeks of getting into the rehab and had been doing well - except he did confide in me a couple of days before this happened that he found a way around the system for the hotline - he would call on Friday after 3pm and if he didn't need to go in the next day then he knew he could party because they were closed on Sundays.

His new charges were a felony drug possession and a misdemeanor possession. I then grappled with the decision of whether to get another attorney for him because these charges were in a different county and he was now facing certain prison time (although he had still never been to a drug rehab). I DIDN'T WANT TO ENABLE.

I did hire another attorney and now the two attorneys (who know each other) are pretty certain that he will be admitted to a 3-6 month lock-down drug rehab (there are 4 more upcoming court dates by mid-Oct.) and that the felonies will be dismissed in lieu of treatment.

So, as you can imagine, I am concerned that when my son comes home today, will he stay clean until he is admitted to the rehab. He was able to get himself off of two different drugs and stay clean for a few months and now that he knows what jail is like and that he is facing prison if he doesn't stay clean, he says there is no way he will do anything. I will have some strict rules and if he breaks them I will make him leave the house.

These are the articles:

  • My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
  • My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
  • My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action. And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
  • Stop being surprised. I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great Day - Jon



I AM AN ADDICT.

You can't make me clean, though I know it is what you want for me to be. But until I want it, I won't be. You can't love me clean, because until I learn to love myself, I won't be. I know you must wonder how can I learn to love myself when I am caught up in a life style of self-hatred and self destruction. I can learn from my own experiences. I can learn from the things that happen to me along the path of my own mistakes. I can learn by being allowed to suffer the consequences of my choices. Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need learn.

I know it devastates you to watch me hurting myself. I know you want to jump in and save me. This helps ease your pain, but I don't think you understand just how damaging it is to me.

You see, although I look and sound like your loved one. I am not. That person is in a self imposed prison way deep down inside of my being and what you see before you is an addict ruled and reigned by my addiction. I am an addict and my main focus is to feed the addiction. Every effort you put forth in the name of "helping me" falls prey to my addiction giving it more power to shackle me down a little more each time.

I feed my addiction enough. So please don't help me.

The only way for the real me to get free is to be free. FREE to fall as far down as I need to go in order to find the strength to fight and find my way back. To break free.

How can or will I ever be able to get clean you wonder ...

The same way I gave myself over to my addiction is the same way I can give myself over to my recovery. BY MYSELF

By not enabling me you will be allowing me to reach "rock bottom". By trusting the process you move over and allow me to find my own way back. You see, it is in the fight to get free that I will find myself. It is in the fight that I will learn to love myself and the more I love myself ... the more I will start to do to better myself, but I myself, must do this.

I am aware that when I use I am playing Russian roulette with my life. I know this, but that is a chance I take when I use. The addict in me is willing to take that chance in the name of getting high.

Rock bottom is but a circumstance away. I can't reach it you are blocking the entrance.

I know you love me and you only want whats best for me ... but that very love keeps you blind sighted to just what truly is best for me and causes you to act from/out of fear and emotions.

Please for my sake don't try to stop me... just let me go ... move out of the way and let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me ... as far down as I have to, to reach rock bottom. Don't try to cushion the fall. Just believe in me and trust the process. Pray for me that when I do hit ... it is not with the impact that leaves me for dead (I know that is your greatest fear), but if it comes to that, be sure to tell my story so that others might learn from my mistakes and live.

Passion
Recovering addict

"I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be" - Joyce Meyer


10 Ways Family Members Can Help a Loved One with a Drug or Alcohol Problem
By Ed Hughes, MPS

The pain and suffering of addiction is not limited to the alcoholic or drug addict. Family members share a tremendous burden as well. Shame, guilt, fear, worry, anger, and frustration are common, Everyday feelings for family members concerned about a loved one’s drinking or drug use. In most cases, the family has endured the brunt of the consequences for the loved ones addiction, including the stress of worry, financial costs, and life adjustments made to accommodate the addicted person’s lifestyle. Addiction leads the addict away from positive influences of the family. The disease twists love, concern, and a willingness to be helpful into a host of enabling behaviors that only help to perpetuate the illness.

Family and friends are usually very busy attempting to help the alcoholic or addict, but the help is of the wrong kind. If directed toward effective strategies and interventions, however, these people become powerful influences in helping the loved one “hit bottom” and seek professional help. At the very least, families can detach themselves from the painful consequences of their loved one’s disease and cease their enabling behavior.

Here are 10 ways family members can help there loved one and themselves:

1) Do learn the facts about alcoholism and drug addiction . Obtain information through counseling, open AA/NA meetings, and Alanon/Naranon.
Addiction thrives in an environment of ignorance and denial . Only when we understand the characteristics and dynamics of addiction can we begin to respond to its symptoms more effectively. Realizing that addiction is a progressive disease will assist the family members to accept their loved as a “sick person” rather than a “bad person.” This comprehension goes a long way toward helping overcome the associated shame and guilt. No one is to blame. The problem is not caused by bad parenting or any other family shortcoming. Attendance at open AA/NA meetings is important: families need to see that not only are they not alone in their experience, but also that there are many other families just like theirs involved in this struggle. Families will find a reason to be hopeful when they hear the riveting stories of recovery shared at these meetings.

2) Don’t rescue the alcoholic or addict. Let them experience the full consequence of their disease. Unfortunately, it is extremely rare for anyone to be “loved” into recovery. Recovering people experience “hitting bottom.” This implies an accumulation of negative consequences related to drinking or drug use which provides the necessary motivation and inspiration to initiate a recovery effort. It has been said that “truth” and “consequences” are the foundations of insight and this holds true for addiction. Rescuing addicted persons from their consequences only ensures that more consequences must occur before the need for recovery is realized.

3) Don’t support the addiction by financially supporting the alcoholic or addict.
Money is the lifeblood of addiction. Financial support can be provided in many ways and they all serve to prolong the arrival of consequences. Buying groceries, paying for a car repair, loaning money, paying rent, and paying court fines are all examples of contributing to the continuation of alcohol or drug use. Money is almost always given by family members with the best of intentions, but it always serves to enable the alcoholic or addict to avoid the natural and necessary consequences of addiction. Many addicts recover simply because they could not get money to buy their drug. Consequently they experience withdrawal symptoms and often seek help.

4) Don’t analyze the loved one’s drinking or drug use. Don’t try to figure it out or look for underlying causes. There are no underlying causes. Addiction is a disease. Looking for underlying causes is a waste of time and energy and usually ends up with some type of blame focused on the family or others. This “paralysis by analysis” is a common manipulation by the disease of addiction which distracts everyone from the important issue of the illness itself.

5) Don’t make idle threats. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Words only marginally impact the alcoholic or addict. Rather “actions speak louder than words” applies to addiction. Threats are as meaningless as the promises made by the addicted person.

6) Don’t extract promises. A person with an addiction cannot keep promises. This is not because they don’t intend to, but rather because they are powerless to consistently act upon their commitments. Extracting a promise is a waste of time and only serves to increase the anger toward the loved one.

7) Don’t preach or lecture. Preaching and lecturing are easily discounted by the addicted person. A sick person is not motivated to take positive action through guilt or intimidation. If an alcoholic or addict could be “talked into” getting sober, many more people would get sober.

8) Do avoid the reactions of pity and anger. These emotions create a painful roller coaster for the loved one. For a given amount of anger that is felt by a family member in any given situation, that amount-or more-of pity will be felt for the alcoholic or addict once the anger subsides. This teeter-totter is a common experience for family members—they get angry over a situation, make threats or initiate consequences, and then backtrack from those decisions once the anger has left and has been replaced by pity . The family then does not follow through on their decision to not enable.

9) Don’t accommodate the disease. Addiction is a subtle foe. It will infiltrate a family’s home, lifestyle, and attitudes in a way that can go unnoticed by the family. As the disease progresses within the family system, the family will unknowingly accommodate its presence. Examples of accommodation include locking up ones and other valuables, not inviting guests for fear that the alcoholic or addict might embarrass them, adjusting one’s work schedule to be home with the addict or alcoholic, and planning one’s day around events involving the alcoholic or addict.

10) Do focus upon your life and responsibilities. Family members must identify areas of there lives that have been neglected due to their focus on, or even obsession with, the alcoholic or addict. Other family members, hobbies, job, and health, for example, often take a back seat to the needs of the alcoholic or addict and the inevitable crisis of addiction. Turning attention away from the addict and focusing on other personal areas of one’s life is empowering and helpful to all concerned.

Each of these suggestions should be approached separately as individual goals. No one can make an abrupt change or adjustment from the behaviors that formed while the disease of addiction progressed. I can not over-emphasize the need for support of family members as they attempt to make changes. Counseling agencies must provide family education and programs to share this information. They must offer opportunities for families to change their attitudes and behaviors. The most powerful influence in helping families make these changes is Al-Anon/Naranon. By facing their fears and weathering the emotional storms that will follow, they can commit to ending their enabling entanglements.

The disease of addiction will fervently resist a family’s effort to say “no” and stop enabling. Every possible emotional manipulation will be exhibited in an effort to get the family to resume “business as usual.” There will always be certain family members or friends who will resist the notion of not enabling, join forces with the sick person, and accuse the family of lacking love. This resistance is a difficult but necessary hurdle for the family to overcome. Yet, it is necessary if they are to be truly helpful to the alcoholic or addict. Being truly helpful is what these suggestions are really about. Only when the full weight of the natural consequences of addiction is experienced by the addict- rather than by the family- can there be reason for hope of recovery.