Awakening Through Love

Awakening Through Love

Home from Jail

J arrived home last night with his girlfriend and I had steak/vegie/salad ready. We talked more about how jail was. Drug addicts banging their heads against the wall. Playing cards and betting commissary items and how some guys would get into fights because they wouldn't pay up. J witnessing a guy go into a diabetic coma and the nurse shinning a light into his eyes and then just laying him in his cell. How the people released on work release would return with drugs stashed in their ______. Guys that would give all three of their meals to someone in exchange for a cup of coffee (needed a fix). J said he didn't get into it with anyone because he didn't mess with them and they didn't mess with him.

He told me how he won't let me down this time and how he didn't even crave drugs while he was in there. He apologized for all the stress he's caused and understands why I called the police. He says he doesn't remember much about the evening but thinks he O.D.'d and that's why he was on the floor. I asked him if he knew how many pills he took and he said 20 xanax bars and snorted 5 crushed up percocet. He thinks I saved his life.

After reading so many of these blogs and other addiction related material I know to be cautious about what to believe. I had made a MISTAKE back about 1 year ago when I let J's girlfriend start sleeping over. I spoke with J a couple of days ago about house rules that we were going to institute and were in the process of deciding on them and said one of them would be that his girlfriend could come to visit 1 or 2 times per week. I was under so much emotional strain that I don't remember if I said she couldn't spend the night.

Anyway, I did read the initial draft to her over the phone so last night when he said she wouldn't be spending the night I thought we were all on the same page. This morning about 7am I saw her shoes in the foyer so I went downstairs and woke them up explaining that she would need to leave. He became very upset and said "This is f------ bull----". Normally, J is not disrespectful and is a very affectionate, kind person. He is very protective of her and I reminded her that I had read the rules to her on the phone. Initially my rules were:

1. NO drugs or alcohol
2. NO friends to visit except Lily twice a week (no sleepovers).
3. Complete daily chores as given to you by me.
4. No leaving the house without my consent.
5. Awake by 8am Mon-Fri and 9:30am Sat-Sun (with your own alarm clock) and lights
out by 11pm Mon-Fri and 12:30am Sat-Sun.
6. Exercise for 1/2 hr. per day 5 days a week.
7. Read every day for 1/2.
8. Limited home phone privileges - controlled by me.

After reading more co-dependent / enabling / addiction info yesterday decided to stick with Rules 1, 2 and 3. His future/life is in his hands and God's.


Athena said...

ANY rules you make in your house are valid. I would add "respectful" after the comment he made to you when you enforced one ofthe rules. Sigh. It's hard, I know.

My daughter I found out, at long last went to court for her heroin possession charge last week (she was 4-5 mos pregnant at the time)... she got... Deferred Adjudication!

I haven't seen the legal system being much of a deterrent, alas, where addiction is concerned.

LisaC said...

In my group meetings, my therapist talks about "spinning out of control." When she hears us talk about setting rules, and they appear more for our addict than for us (boundaries are for you...I was reminded of that earlier today in a comment from Dad and Mom) it becomes about "controlling," and that generally leads to more pain and anguish.

It is so difficult to know if your son is being honest with himself, much less with you at this point. Just hang in there.

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