Awakening Through Love

Awakening Through Love

Death Will Set Her Free

The situation that my mother is in right now is nothing short of appalling!  I feel like I'm living a nightmare right now...but somehow I'm accepting it.  She has deteriorated in the past five days to not being able to walk on her own.  I went over to her apartment on Tuesday to give her a shower and my alcoholic brother started an argument with me.  He kept running up to me with his fist raised and screaming at me to get out of his apartment.  He was within inches of my face and one of his eyes was completely bloodshot...I felt like I was looking into the face of the devil!  I called 911 and the police came.  They couldn't do anything since he didn't hit me.

I called my mother that day at noon to make sure she was awake so I could come and asked her if she'd been out of bed yet.  She said no...that J (the alcoholic brother) was still asleep in the living room.  I asked if she needed to go to the bathroom...she said yes, but that she could wait until I got there.  She called me on the way and said that he had gone out to get them something to eat but she didn't want to ask him to take her to the restroom because he was in a foul mood, cursing and yelling about having to take care of her.   The day before he had taken the phone from Mom when I was speaking with her and was complaining that when he lifts her to place her on the toilet she clings to the wall and that bothers him.  I said, "Why don't you have her go to hospice for five days to give you a break or she can come stay with me."  He said, "I don't need a break and she doesn't want to live with you or go to hospice".

Anyway, when I arrived my brother said, "You know Mom doesn't want to live with you or go to hospice."  I said, "I know...but that could change soon".  He got upset and said he wouldn't allow her to and I said, "Are you her boss?"  He said, "Yes, I am" and that's when he became enraged.  I left right after the police did and my brother said, "Don't let the door hit you in the ass".

I spoke with her Nurse yesterday and filled her in...she said Mom has been telling her some things and that she thought I would be calling.  She set up an aide to come in 3 times a week and yesterday I had my cousin go over.  I found out the social worker, the nurse and my cousin were all there at the same time.  While they were there, my brother stayed in my mom's bedroom and they had to call his cell phone (that my mom pays for) to speak with bizarre is that?  Everyone knows she's being abused...but because she wants it that way...nothing is being done to change it.

They discovered a bedsore on her and told him he needs to make sure she lays on her side some of the time.  He said he can't watch her 24/7.  Mom said she fell out of bed trying to get to the bathroom while he was sleeping yesterday and they had to bandage a sore on her leg.

Now I can't safely go over to see my dying mother and she rarely calls me because he gets upset when she does.  My mother is so co-dependent and worried about being able to smoke when she wants that she's willing to continue the last month of her life in this horrible situation.  This makes me repulsed with both of them and very sad.

I am praying for her quick death!  I know I can't control this...perhaps that is why I'm dealing with it as well as I am.


Dad and Mom said...

I am so sorry to read this Sherry. Sometimes it is so tragic it is hard to express anything except sorry.

Be strong we are all here for you.

Annette said...

Oh Sherry. I have been thinking about you so much lately and wondering how your mom is doing. I am so sorry. It is truly horrifying. If she had more time you would be able to petition to become her guardian but it sounds like it won't be long. Weeks maybe. I am glad that the Hospice team knows the situation.

((HUG)) It is very sad.

Sherry said...

Dad & Mom - Thanks so much for the support...I'm feeling better!

Annette - Thanks so much for thinking of me and for your kind words and support!

Hope everyone has a blessed Memorial Day weekend!

Addiction--Mom trying to Detach with Love said...

Sherry, I am so sorry to read this post. I was grateful neither of my brothers were around at the time my mom became ill and then passed. I hated watching them live with her and abuse her, had to call the police a few times myself. You know that I have been in a similar situation and it is a shame that the social worker didn't take this a step further and get her out of there and into hospice or with you. I know until my mother's last breath, she would have been happy if she could have been with her boys...still makes me shake my head. I pray your mom can find some peace before she leaves this world and I am here for you anytime, you have my email address. Much love and light to you.

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