Bundle of Joy!

We have a new bundle of joy…Jake! He’s a Brittany Spaniel and three months old. The previous owners had him for a month. The husband is in the military and is being deployed to Iraq on Monday. He got him for his wife so she wouldn’t miss him so much while he’s gone for a year…but they have three children and another dog and it’s a bit too much for her.

I’ve had dogs most of my life and have missed having one for the past few years in some ways and have enjoyed the freedom of not having one also. I have been jogging him two miles each day for the past three days that we’ve had him. I read that this breed of dog can become destructive if not exercised enough…so this is the perfect place for him. We have an invisible fence that encompasses an acre of the five acres of land, but I need to research how and when to train him. His favorite games are me chasing him and playing tug of war. He’s already a mama’s boy - following me everywhere. He was living in an apartment…so he’s almost on sensory overload out in the country…with the new sights, sounds and smells. He’s a hunting dog and has already pointed a grasshopper. He loves to drink out of the KOI pond and it’s fun to watch the goldfish swim over to where he’s lapping up water and for some reason congregate there. He’s fallen in a couple of times.!


The neighbor’s cat…who was here all of the time…has been scarce lately. I’ll miss the presents the cat was leaving for me at the back door almost every day…dead mice and a half-eaten squirrel (yuck)!

This is a photo of the lane that leads to our house…we’re the last one down the quarter-mile road…

This is our neighbor’s barn…he has sheep, alpacas, dogs and cats!

He says, I'm pooped!

P.S.  I've been seeing my mother every 2-3 days and have established better boundaries!  I quit smoking 5-6 days ago...with the help of the patch...and feel much better!

Smoke Another One!

You're probably wondering what this post will be about.  It's about me having a revelation today concerning my relationship with my mother.  I had a meeting with the staff at her nursing home today - and my mother was part of it.  Basically, everyone is fed up with her...they didn't tell her, but after that meeting I spoke with the Director and the Social Worker and talked a while longer.  The Director said she almost turned my mother away the day she came in because she is so difficult to deal with.  She's uncooperative with physical therapy...is constantly walking outside to smoke and complains she's too tired for therapy.  She complains constantly...about everything!

I have brought her home to give her a shower once and gave her a shower at the nursing home once because she doesn't want them to.  The entire time I'm with her...which has been every day for 1-4 hours a day...she complains.  She's manipulative and disrespectful.  She'll turn on the charm...when necessary though.  I've always known these things about her...but was in denial about how disruptive she really is and about how abusive she's been to me.  Through the years I've made excuses for her behavior...but I'm running out!

It's time for me to set boundaries!  It's difficult though when you feel guilty because you feel like you're not being a good daughter if you don't jump and especially now that she's got two broken arms.  But she sure can walk outside to smoke...lots!

After speaking with the Director and Social Worker they opened my eyes to how she works me.  They think she has a mental problem.  I asked them if it would be wrong to go 3 days before I saw her...they said, "You don't have to see her at all while she's here...if you don't want to."  WOW.  It would take me too long to try to give enough examples to paint the full picture...so I don't expect anyone to really understand.

By the way...the "Smoke Another One" pertains really to me - because I struggle with stopping my cigarette habit and think that this is one more piece of the picture that will help me to heal from my past and STOP smoking!

P.S.  Relating to my last post...my brother spent two nights with a friend and then my mother gave him $100 yesterday for a hotel for a few nights...even though he has been contacted by my cousin to help him find housing.

Does this have my name on it?

As I mentioned in my last post my mother broke both of her arms and is in a nursing home for the next 3 to 4 weeks.  She lives in a subsidized retirement apartment and my older brother who is an alcoholic has been living with her there for the past six months.  She sneaks him in and out the side door but other residents have complained to the Manager that they think he is living there.  The Manager called me over a month ago and asked me if he was and I said that I'm not in contact with him and didn't want to get involved.

My mother enables him and is co-dependent.  She helps him financially, although he receives unemployment...even though she is accumulating a lot of credit card debt, lives on a fixed income and has no means to pay it off.  He is abusive to her...mentally, emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically.  I have called the police once when he locked her out of her previous apartment (when he was drunk) and she admitted to me for the first time that he was grabbing her arms and twisting her skin to the point of bruising her.  The police spoke to him and said if there were any more problems they would take him to jail.

Since he's been living with her he keeps the air conditioner very cold which suits him but freezes my mother who has circulation problems.  Since she has been in the Nursing home for the past few days he won't agree to let anyone come to her apartment to get the things that she needs.  He'll bring a few things at a time for her...but doesn't know what type of clothes she needs that will fit over her splint.  He'll call her and cuss her out on the phone and has control of her car, her purse and her jewelry.  He told her he lost her jewelry and then the next day said he found it.  She is intimidated of him but when my other brother, my cousin or myself talk to her about finding him a shelter to live in...a place that can help him find employment...she says now is not the right time...that it would send him into a nervous breakdown.

He is very jealous of me and my brother mostly because when my father passed away in 2006 he was given much less in the Will.  My father and he hadn't spoken in over 20 years.  He is filled with hatred and anger.

I've talked with a few people about me calling the Manager and reporting him and then my cousin and her husband could help him with a list of the places he could go.  My cousin said she would call the Manager, because she feels someone needs to get involved.  I know my brother would immediately call my mother and upset her to the extreme.

I grapple with this decision because she is an adult and makes her own decisions.  At the same time, I know that if I was walking by someone who was being physically abused, I would get involved to help.  My husband and son think I should call or let my Cousin call.  Initially, my Mother was going to refuse to go to the Nursing home and just return back home and let him take care of her...although he sleeps most of the day.  In one breath she complains about him and in the next, she protects him.

I would appreciate any and all comments/thoughts!