My son is coming home from jail today...

My son called a few minutes ago and is having his girlfriend bail him out of jail today. He has been there for a month as of today. I need to give some information of how we arrived at this point.

J is my only child and until he was a sophomore in High School he was an honor roll student (without having to study) and a star athlete (6'9" tall - basketball and baseball). His choir teacher called me at home and begged me to convince him not to drop out of choir because he was so talented. His grades plummeted towards the end of his sophomore year and he dropped out of both sports.

He has always been a strong willed child and a master at rationalizing and debating topics with me. He wanted to go to a vocational school in town for the last 2 years of High School and said that way he could learn a trade so I let him (mistake??). We have always been very close. I divorced his father when he was 2 years old and then moved back to Ohio when he was 3 years old to be close to family. I was a single parent until he was 6 years old and then married my present husband.

My ex-husband tried to get custody when J was 6 years old and we had a year long court battle that he lost. J was in counseling for that year and because he was so intimidated and afraid of his father, the counselor told J that it was O.K. to lie to his father. He saw his father every other weekend and on Wed. evenings. His father was very controlling and there are many incidents that were of great concern (i.e. having him pull down his pants when he was 11 years old to be spanked for not practicing enough baseball while he was at my house).

When he was 12 years old his father (who had moved to the same town as us with his wife and their child) hit a neighbor, almost killing him, (they lived in an affluent part of town) and after a lengthy court battle was acquitted - they said it was self defense. Anyway, I was able to get visitation taken away for 1 1/2 years until J was 14. His father, step-mother and half-sister moved away soon thereafter and J didn't want to visit him once he turned 16.

I moved a lot as a child (18 times in 13 years) so it was important to me that he stay in the same school district growing up and we did. He was very popular in school and my husband bought him his first vehicle - a 20 year old SUV - when he was 16. J mowed lawns from the time he was 10 years old and once he dropped out of sports he always had a part time job while in school.

J always had a lot of love and discipline. My house was where all of the children would come to jump on the trampoline, eat chocolate cake and play hide-n-go seek. I loved playing with the kids - even though I worked full time - I had lots of energy and loved children.

I will add more details later. Right now I will concentrate on the addiction. I found cigarettes in his school backpack when he was 14 or 15 and then caught he and a friend in his bedroom with marijuana when he was 15. I called the friend's parents, told them and grounded J for 1 month.

16 years old:  Admitted to the principal at school that he had smoked marijuana on the way to school with a friend in his vehicle. They searched the vehicle – didn’t find anything and he had to go through counseling.

16 years old:  He skipped school and a company called the police to complain that there were boys throwing rocks at the cars – police called – they chased them and J was caught. I don't remember if he was charged with anything.

17 years old: He was at a friend's house drinking with 3 girls and 2 other guys – parents not home – the cat triggered the alarm in the house and the police came around back and found them. I think he got a disorderly conduct charge.

18 years old: He was buying beer at a carry out – caught by undercover police – had to testify against the shop owner.

19 years old:  He was driving his girlfriend to Michigan to visit her mother and was pulled over for throwing a cigarette out of the car. He was caught with paraphanelia and pot. He hired himself an attorney and got some reduced charge.

He had moved out of my home before this happened and lived with a roommate for 1 year until he was 20. When I would go to visit him he had lost a lot of weight and complained that his stomach hurt. I still didn't know it was a drug addiction (where was I???)(don't worry I'm not blaming myself, just wondering how I was so blinded)!

20 years old:  He called me at 6am in morning – up all night - stopped to get something to eat and was pulled over for his turn signal being out – I thought he was very intoxicated when he called me (but this is when he told me that he had been taking massive amounts of xanax (up to 50 pills a day). He refused to take the urine test and was charged with an OVI. He had to attend a class.

I talked to him about going to a rehab and he said they didn't work unless someone was ready for it to work. He had other friends that had gone. Of course he thought he knew everything!! I will post more later!!