So Sad

My son and I had a talk yesterday about the rules and he told me that his girlfriend is the only person that makes him feel good about himself right now. He was ready to live at a friend's house (the 47 yr. old) so that he could be with her. During the conversation I asked him if he would describe himself to me and I gave him an example by describing myself to him, "Energetic, optimistic, hard-worker, compassionate, generous, etc. etc." and I said that I was leaving out any words that would describe issues that I feel I need to work on or "negative". He started by saying "I'm optimistic" and stopped and then he started to cry and said I can't think of anything good about myself. He said he feels depressed and unmotivated (although he did work out some after he got up yesterday.)

I then went on to describe to him the way that I see him, "loyal friend, compassionate, people are drawn to him (including animals), sensitive, very intelligent (he tested in the top 5% of the nation in math), talented (but just not using his talents now) etc."

It was difficult for me because I would think of a word and I realized that was him before the age of 14 so I didn't include those words. I changed the rules and said she could spend the night 2 evenings and come to visit twice a week.

I hope and pray that the rehab and with God's help J will meet the right people and be given the right situations to help him improve his self-esteem. It is sad when someone's own sense of worth is bound so closely with someone else.

I was proud of myself when my husband, J and I went out to get a bite to eat and stopped at Walmart for my husband to look at new tires, my son said he wished he could get a game for his xbox (he didn't ask for it - in fact since he was about 18 he never asks me to buy anything for him)(all of his were taken by the car towing company he thinks) but knew they were too expensive. I thought at first well...maybe I could get it for him...but then I decided NO. My motives were to make him happy and it would make me happy to make him happy.

J was having problems getting through to his girlfriend on the phone and I overheard him talking to a friend that only drinks some (no drugs) about going out to play pool. Right after that my mother was on the front porch and started vomiting and was very weak and dizzy so she agreed to go to Urgent Care and I thought to myself I'll ask J to come to help me with her so that he wouldn't go out with this friend. He agreed readily and almost carried her to the car.

We were gone for about 3 hours - she ended up having a urinary tract infection, slight ear infection and stool accumulation so she is on an antibiodic. He was very helpful and after we arrived back home I heard him telling the friend that he would only go to this one place (restaurant with pool table) and not to a bar. He ended up staying home and his girlfriend came over.

Part of the issue is that I think it would be O.K. for a couple of his friends who only drink come over to visit and not stay late so that he is safer by not driving with anyone and I could convince my husband to change that rule also - but I feel that I'm coming off as wishy washy with my son.

I love getting comments - I am very open to other's suggestions and feedback - and ultimately most of us do what we feel is right/best.