I am going to a new church today and my mother agreed to come with me. As a child my parents never went to church. When I was 12 years old I went to a church for a few months that a girlfriend belonged to. My mother would drop me off and I didn't understand why she didn't want to come. I sang "Amazing Grace" once in that church and she did come for that service.
When J was 2 years old he sang "Amazing Grace" for my father's family at Christmas when I went to visit one year. His voice was sweet and clear as he sang and I remember feeling so proud and touched.
Through the years I have gone to church off and on. My first husband and I went for about a year, but I had mixed feelings because once we married I saw how he was not a good example of a christian. I felt that he was a hypocrite.
My current husband was raised Pentecostal and brought up in the church. He also witnessed much hypocrisy in his church and when we married, although I wanted to find a church to join, his heart was not in it. He would go with me occasionally and I would take J and go without him when he didn't want to go.
After I called the police to take J away, one of my girlfriends who knew the anguish I was feeling sent me this inspirational message that touched my heart.
“Sometimes only the step I’m on, or the very next one ahead, is all that is illuminated for me. God gives just the amount of light I need for the exact moment I need it. At those times, I walk in surrender to faith, unable to see the future and not fully comprehending the past.
Because it is God who has given me what light I have, I know I must reject the fear and doubt that threaten to overtake me. I must determine to be content where I am, and allow God to get me where I need to go. I walk forward, one step at a time, fully trusting that the light God sheds is absolutely sufficient.”
5 comments:
There are some great churches out there, filled with imperfect people. I love the picture with God's light. For me, I'd say there are times when the cone is turned upside down. With the pinpoint on me and the larger light on God. He seems so able to handle my concerns when I am standing in darkness. Have a blessed week.
Madison -
I love the way you think and write!
I can really relate to your husband about church going. I struggle with that too and it sounds like he and I have similar backgrounds.
I LOVE what your friend sent me. That is something I will copy to have around when I need it! Thanks for sharing.
Hi Sherry, somehow I lost track of your blog for a little while, glad I refound it. I used to go to church every week for many years, haven't been in about five. I think about it but have some bitterness toward it :(
Our pastor said that the Christians (God's army) are the only soldiers that shoot their own wounded. In other words, the very place we turn to for help, the church, is often a place that can wound us most. But that is simply because a church if full of people, and people - all people - are imperfect! We have to try and see beyond the imperfections of those who fill the pews to the God Who can love perfectly. It is precisely because of hurts my husband and I endured in the church that we started Glass House Ministries; we wanted to find a place to be real and create a haven for others to do the same.
Sherry, I pray that God leads you to a church that is just right for you. And for those who have been hurt in church - Sherry's husband, Annette, Barbara, to name those I see here - I pray you will find peace and healing.
I had another pastor once who said that sometimes God sends us a message, but the messenger can turn us off. He suggested we eat the meat and spit out the bones...
Anyhow, that's enough of my lame philosophy!
Love and hugs to you all,
Cheri
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