J called yesterday and immediately I was on alert because the usual recording, "This is a call from an inmate etc." didn't play and he said he was calling from his case manager's desk. He started his conversation by saying that the rehab had done a search and found food in his and 27 other "resident's" lockers. Since that is against the rules, he can't make any phone calls for 1 week, no visitors for 2 weeks, and has to wear an orange jumpsuit for 1 week. He asked me to call his girlfriend and let her know - I said I would.
I don't get it - he's allowed to have 2nd helpings of food and he has to break that rule! At first, when he said a search I was thinking the worst - they found drugs. When I told my husband he was angry at first and then he was joking about it - Mommy I got caught with snacks and now I have to wear this ugly jumpsuit - boo hoo!!
The phone call to his girlfriend was enlightening. When I mentioned J messing up with the paperwork for our visit, she said, "He complains about being bored - but can't get the paperwork to you on time - I guess he's playing too much ping pong - he told me to just wait until he's out - he'll beat me at ping pong!"
She also mentioned that she saw him right before Christmas for 2 hours, which I knew nothing about. She said at the last minute they were allowed to have someone visit for Christmas and the person didn't have to fill out any paperwork. Now it makes since as to why he wanted his step-father and I to visit rather than his girlfriend and I. I'm assuming the visit was before I arrived home from my trip Christmas Eve.
She went on to say that the last time she drank was New Year's Eve and that even though J has told her that she can drink - smoke pot - and he won't, that she told him that he's more important to her than doing those things. She said she gets the impression that he may still want to drink - I told her that he may not have the money for that - since he'll most likely not be living here and will have to support himself.
His father, who lives in Texas, told him that he would give him the money that his grandfather set aside years ago to help J with college, $13,000, when he is released. He currently has $9,000 in credit card debt. Oh well, we'll see.
The blinders are gradually being removed from my eyes! I may have to rename my blog, "Eyes Opened by love for J"!
5 comments:
Wow, that is a lot of money to give someone with J's history. Frankly, that would scare me, my son tells me large amounts of cash are a huge trigger. But sounds like it is out of your hands...nothing to do but pray.
The food rule sounds a bit extreme but thank God it was just junk food - not "junk" !!
Sherry, the girlfriend and the money scare me. One thing Anthony told me from jail a few weeks ago was that he can't drink, even one beer, because it takes his guard down and opens the door to use. Its hard to imagine never drinking again...but maybe for now its a good idea ?
As for that large chunk of money, I won't even give Keven more than $5 at a time because he TOLD me not to. He said he can't handle the temptation of having money its one of his biggest triggers.
I usually don't give advice or anything but these two things alarm me. I know there's nothing you can do about the gf, I am dealing with that with Keven too - a 26 year old with three kids is hitting on him at PH! Ironically her age and kids aren't my main concern, its her drug of choice (Oxy).
God help us all!
I have to shake my head about grown men getting in trouble for having snacks hidden! When the girls were little I used to find wrappers and such under their beds - like did they eat the candy bars under the bed??? But I understand they have to follow the rules. Praise God it wasn't something worse.
Blinders gradually being removed... sometimes I don't think God let's us "see" some things until He has prepared us to be able to handle them!
The snack thing is kind of silly, but that is their rules. If you check out my blog you will see I interferred with my son's college grant money (he ended up getting it anyway), because I was afraid he would OD. He got the money and as far as I know he didn't OD and he is running around doing the same stuff. Can't change the GF thing until they are ready, it is never good to have them hanging around or "waiting" as it just upsets the progression of recovery IMO. Just pray and stay out of his way, it is the only thing you can do as he has to live his life and work out his mistakes, however awful we may think that looks. Again, try not to worry or project the worst, remember it almost never turns out the way we imagine. (((HUGS))) Renee
Sherry, every rule in rehab is important...because our young men and women have been living without following any rules! It makes sense.
Like everyone else has said, the money could be a trigger, but if it is his money, you give it to him and then pray that he will make good choices. Otherwise, you make a decision "never" to give it to him (and that boundary can change 5 years from now when all is well) and move on.
Rehab is better than jail, but ony if J believes in the program and then works it. It is not a place to hang out and do nothing. That being said, only J can do this.
You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
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