Awakening Through Love

Awakening Through Love

Beauty and My Life


Here are some additional photos from Europe...


Dubrovnik, Croatia



Island of Capri, Italy



On board the cruise at sunset



Segovia, Spain



We found a car for J and bought it Saturday...it's a 1997 with only 67,000 miles on it!  He passed his written and physical driving tests...but the Court messed up and didn't provide the BMV with the correct information concerning J's suspension.  So...after many phone calls, hopefully today they will fax the correct info over to the BMV so that we can get his "interlock" drivers license.  Of course, it's a trial in patience for J...to have a car now and not be able to drive it just yet.

He has another drug test today in between class and work.  Tomorrow he has a probation appt. in between class and work...busy, busy, busy!!

The other day I asked him why he was so quiet...he said the drugs changed his personality.  I asked him if he was being serious...he said "Yes".  I do get him to chuckle and/or smile occasionally...which is great to see!

I'm also being patient concerning the sale of my house and the purchase of another one.  We still haven't heard back about the appraisal from last week and we put an offer down on a foreclosure property that is owned by the bank...to which they replied that there was another offer...so to give our best offer...which we did...now we're waiting.  I haven't packed a thing yet...just going through things gradually...getting together goodwill items and throwing away some.  I'm not a pack rat...but I'm excited about simplifying my life!  For example, I have a paraffin wax warmer for the hands that I haven't used in years...gone now!

I received a call about a job and they'll be calling me later this week for an interview...the timing is great!  I am an event planner/sales manager and I used to work with the Chef from this facility when we were at another venue, so he referred me.

My husband and I went canoeing yesterday...it was fun.

I'm treating myself to a massage today...it's only $30 for 1 hour...it was half price!

Sending peace and love to all of you!!

Driving Soon


J was granted driving privileges again...whew!  Lots of details to attend to...calling the insurance co. to get a referral to a "high risk" company and then calling them...driving over for him to sign and p/u paperwork...setting up an 8 hr. BMV required driving class for this Saturday...etc. etc.  He was told by the BMV that he has to retake his written and physical driving test...He'll have to go into work late on Monday to do that.

I helped with some of these details...but J still says everything is a little overwhelming.  It makes you wonder about the people who don't have every conceivable type of help available to them...financial, transportation, emotional if requested...like J...How they handle it?

J's Dad is going to send him the money for an inexpensive car.  He has to get an interlock (blow in before the car starts) device installed.  Hopefully, we'll find a vehicle within a week!

I finally got my bail money...$1250...back from over a year ago!

J also had a urine test this week...a probation appointment where he found out that they are transferring that County's probation to the other County...so he was pleased by the news.

Hope to post again soon!

The Case for Treating Drug Addicts in Prison





This was an article on MSN's home page that I thought was interesting.  It's rather long!

Author: Scott Olson



The Case for Treating Drug Addicts in Prison        


Treatment for drug addiction works better and costs less than imprisonment alone. So why are states abandoning it?

Drug Rehab a Rare Commodity in Prison For the last 16 years, Dr. Josiah Rich has gone weekly to prisons in or near Providence, R.I., to treat people being held there for drug-related offenses. Each time, he has wrestled with an ethical conundrum: not the issue of whether the offenders have done something wrong, but whether the American prison system is doing something worse. “What I see is not bad people,” he says. “Predominantly, I see people with a disease.”

Of the 2.3 million inmates in the U.S., more than half have a history of substance abuse and addiction. Not all those inmates are imprisoned on drug-related charges (although drug arrests have been rising steadily since the early 1990s; there were 195,700 arrests in 2007). But in many cases, their crimes, such as burglary, have been committed in the service of feeding their addictions. Rich, a professor of medicine and community health at Brown University, is worried that, by refusing or neglecting to provide treatment to these addicts, many U.S. prisons are missing the best chance to cure them—and in the process to cut down on future crime. Treatment can reduce recidivism rates from 50 percent to something more like 20 percent, according to the DEA. Yet it is not widely provided.

“Our system has taken the highest-risk and most ill people and put them in a place where they have constitutionally mandated health care,“ Rich says. “What a great opportunity to make a difference. Are we just trying to punish people? Or are we trying to rehabilitate people? What do we want out of this?”

Looking at the way prisons currently deal with drug addiction, the answer to Rich’s question is unclear. Over the last few years, some in the justice system have warmed to the idea of treating drug addicts in addition to (or instead of) incarcerating them.

In some states, most notably Ohio, almost all first-time drug offenders and many second-timers are offered treatment. That is by no means the case nationally. According to a report released last year by the National Institute on Drug Abuse, just one fifth of inmates get some form of treatment. That number may be lower in the near future: tight budgets are forcing many states to cut back or close down their existing treatment programs. Kansas and Pennsylvania have already done so; California and Texas may follow suit in the next few months.

The irony here is that by lowering recidivism, the programs themselves save money in the long run. The NIDA report released last year cited a remarkable statistic: heroin addicts who received no treatment in jail were seven times as likely as treated inmates to become re-addicted, and three times as likely to end up in prison again. For every dollar spent, the programs save $2 to $6 by reducing the costs of re-incarceration, according to Human Rights Watch. Looked at another way, the programs can save the justice system about $47,000 per inmate.

RELATED ARTICLE: Should States Cut College or Prison Spending? »

So why would prisons target their own treatment programs in an effort to cut costs? Part of the reason is that pharmacological treatment—such as giving heroin addicts methadone to help them through withdrawal—requires a lot of regulation, and thus it’s expensive in the short run. Pharmacological treatment isn’t the only way of helping addicts—the White House’s drug-policy arm has a good list of other options—but in many cases it’s the most effective. Unfortunately, it’s also very tricky. It can be undermined by the fact that addicts can easily relapse behind bars; a Human Rights Watch report last year claimed that “drugs are as available in prison as in the street,” often getting to inmates via the mail. (Reliable statistics on inmate drug use are understandably hard to come by, since prisoners have no reason to fess up to using.)

There are other challenges, too, particularly in treating addicts with methadone. “People are loath to provide methadone because it poses some security risk,” says Dr. Amy Nunn, also a professor of medicine at Brown. “It could be diverted or sold on the black market, or someone might rob the dispensary.” When methadone is given, it’s usually with strict oversight at a medical center, not as a matter of course in the correctional facility. That takes money.

Buprenorphine, which is used to treat opioid addicts, is a little easier for prisons to deal with because it’s “harder to divert,” Nunn adds. The medication has an additive that prevents it from being crushed up and inhaled. But it is not widely used either. Only half of all states and prisons provide any form of methadone or buprenorphine treatment, and those that do make use of the drugs do so in a limited fashion, even though the WHO has both medications on a list of drugs that should be available to all prisoners at any time.

But Nunn says the real problem is an ideological one, not a practical one. “In spite of all of the proven clinical and social and economic benefits of pharmacological treatment, people really have a moral opposition to it,” she says. “They think if you’re providing people with treatment, you’re not addressing their addiction in an appropriate way. They think people who have addictions deserve what they get, and that the only way to treat addiction is abstinence, when nothing could be further from the truth.”

Steven Belenko, a professor of criminal justice at Temple University, adds that people who work in prisons don’t necessarily think that way: “Correctional professionals recognize the importance of these types of services,” he says. Bob May, associate director of the Association of State Correctional Administrators, agrees. He says people who work in the system “acknowledge the value of the programs. There was a time, years ago, when that wasn’t the case. People weren’t convinced that the programs were effective, or even cost-effective.

When I was working as chief of detectives in a sheriff’s department, I didn’t believe in these programs, either. My job was to put people away. You know, you think it’s just some bleeding-heart liberal trying to make excuses for a crime. But I didn’t know that 75 to 80 percent of people I was arresting for other crimes had an abuse problem.” Now, he adds, “we know from the research that with people who go through drug treatment, even if they still use drugs afterwards, their crimes are less violent and less frequent. Even if it’s not a 100 percent change, it’s a good thing.” The public doesn’t necessarily think treatment is bad, either; a recent poll found that more than two thirds of Americans would support state laws requiring treatment—not jail time—for first- and second-time drug offenders.

But politicians may oppose treatment (at least publicly), especially if they’re worried about being seen as soft on crime. And even if they support the idea, with state budgets under a crunch, treatment can start to look expendable. “It’s the legislators who are funding or not funding these types of things,” Belenko says. “So even when prison systems are very open and supportive of treatment, they face a bunch of administrative constraints and cost constraints. They don’t have enough funds to do this.”

That’s been the case as long as treatment programs have been around, judging by a 1991 government report, which showed that only a fifth of drug-addicted inmates who needed treatment were able to get it. But the current economy has made things worse. In Florida, for instance, corrections secretary Walter McNeil recently suggested—“reluctantly,” according to the St. Petersburg Times—a $36 million budget cut that would close “most of the state’s publicly funded treatment centers.”

Then there’s Texas. In 2003 the state government (largely led by Republicans) started to whittle away at treatment programs. Four years later, thanks to efforts led by State Sen. John Whitmire, it changed course, putting more money into them, rather than less, and adding 6,000 “beds” available to treat nonviolent prisoners who have substance-abuse issues. Whitmire, who had been robbed at gunpoint by a cocaine addict, says that sometimes convincing fellow legislators of the value of more treatment was a “hard sell,” but he told them this was a public-safety issue: “I’ve begged for my life once from someone addicted to cocaine,” he says. “I would much rather spend money on his addiction than face that gun again. This isn’t about being soft on crime. It’s about being tough, but also smart.”

His initiative saw positive results initially: the prison population, predicted to climb by more than 5,000 by the end of 2008, grew by only a 10th of that. Public and political opinion, even among Republicans, started to turn in favor of treatment—until earlier this year, when Gov. Rick Perry asked each state agency to slash 5 percent from their budgets. Once again, treatment ended up on the chopping block. The Texas Department of Criminal Justice proposed to slash $23 million from treatment programs. Whitmire argued successfully against that proposal, but now the system faces an even larger pending cut of 10 percent.

According to a report commissioned by the Justice Center at the Council of State Governments, “Of the proposed $124.3 million FY 2010–11 reduction [in Texas], $109.4 million, or 88 percent, will be reductions in probation and parole supervision, alternatives to incarceration, mental health services, substance abuse treatment, halfway houses, and intermediate sanction facilities.” Tony Fabelo, director of research at the CSG and a coauthor of the report, says “the only way to save money,” at least in the short term, “is shutting down programs or shutting down prisons. And if there were an outcry about shutting down programs, there would be a bigger one about shutting down prisons. So those are the dynamics where we are trapped.”

That is deeply concerning to Whitmire. “If we do not continue these programs, people will re-offend, recidivism rates will rise, and it will be a danger to the public,” he says. “You either pay now, or pay later—and you pay a lot more later.”

What happens to addicts who don’t get treatment in prison? Often they return to their addiction upon their release. “When somebody’s addicted to heroin and they don’t get treatment, they’re [likely] to get addicted to heroin again,” says Rich. “The drug has biologically changed their brains. You can tie someone down and make sure they don’t use any opiates and you can keep them there for years, and the day they walk out, they [can] get opiates.”
And then they’re likely to wind up back in the prison system. That’s bad news for the inmates, the prisons, and the taxpayers, since, as Rich puts it, treatment is “certainly cheaper than the gobs of money we’re spending to keep locking people up.”

In other words, no matter how you feel about drug-addicted inmates, you’re going to pay for dealing with their addiction. So why aren’t we choosing the cheaper—and arguably more humane—option?
Find out more about the social and economic impact of America's prisons in our series. Read about the debate over whether cash-strapped states should cut classrooms or prison cells, and find out how the recession is slamming private jails.

Missed You


I returned from the three week whirlwind European trip on June 21st and had two days to unpack, do laundry, go through mail, pay bills, etc. etc. and pack for a four day boating/camping trip in Kentucky.  I returned Sunday from that and realized I forgot my password for getting into my blog.  I tried resetting the password, but "they" would send the info to the account I couldn't remember the password for...but I finally remembered!

I'm up to date on what's going on with most every one...just haven't had time to comment yet.  I can't remember if I mentioned I decided to sell my house.  I bought the house when my husband and I were divorced.  I put it on the market two days before I left on the trip and there has been much activity.  I received a good offer yesterday and signed a contract...so now we'll be looking to possibly rent a place or buy.  Ultimately, we'd like to move to the Carolinas or somewhere?

J is doing great!  He was in his two week assessment through the courts while I was gone and they assessed that he just needs an out-patient program.  He goes to a class Monday through Thursday, 9-12noon and then works from 2pm-10pm.  His boss agreed to let him only work until 10pm, instead of 1am for the two months that he is attending.  Then he will only go twice a week 9-12noon for a few months and then once a week.  In between showings of the house, I've been driving about 2 1/2 hours total per day to get him to everything.  It's a small price to pay for having my son back!

He had his last court appearance last week and his attorney was very excited that he was able to be granted "Treatment in Lieu of Conviction" in two different counties.  In his 34 years of handling these cases, he's never seen it happen.  I've been praying for all of us almost every day...even on the trip.

Here are a few pictures of the 888 that I took...

In Lisbon, Portugal




Cinque Terre, Italy (We hiked 1 1/2 hours from one town to the next, along the Italian riviera)




Venice (this was on my birthday...took a Gondola ride)




The trip was amazing and I am blessed in many ways.  I'll post more later!

Update


Wanted to let you know that today I leave for my three weeks in Europe...so I won't be commenting...but I will continue to pray for everyone!

There have been some changes here lately...my husband and I (mostly me) decided to sell our house.  I bought it when we were divorced almost two years ago...and feel that it's too much space just for us.  My roommate is moving out...that's another story!

J has been home since Saturday from the 20 days at the DUI rehab and is leaving tomorrow for the two week assessment.  He went to a wedding Sat. evening...where he drank some...and last night went to a party...where he drank even more...not a good sign!  I know he is worried about going back in for the assessment!

I've been getting the house ready for the market.  Part of me wishes I was here to "orchestrate" everything, but most of me...99% can't wait to get the hell out of dodge!

See you in the summer!

Harley Heaven



There is something fascinating about people watching at Bike Night! Almost as if this is the stage for people’s alter egos to surface…their time to let it all hang out!




My husband and I seem to be those people. Years ago we donned the cowboy hats and boots and knew all of the line dances…now it’s time to straddle the Harley! This isn’t him…





Do you see the inner child bursting out…




This is the friend I’ll be going to Europe with…watch out!!





I just had to show off the new jeans I got for Mother's Day!





Who said your 50's have to be dull!

Two Blogs


While checking out Pioneer Woman's Blog, I discovered Katie Granju's blog Mama Pundit.  Granju’s son H was brutally beaten, most likely during a drug deal gone bad and suffered a drug overdose on April 28th.  Through her blog I discovered Joanna Cravey's Blog, a grandmother raising her drug addicted daughter's daughter.  Joanna discovered Katie's blog on The New York Times blog, Motherlode, by Lisa Belkin.

Both women could use our prayers and support!

It's interesting to me how we stumble upon blogs concerning addiction, even when we're not looking for them.

My son J is being released Saturday after serving 20 days for the DUI he received back in March of 2009.  He will be home for only three days before going into a court ordered two week assessment that stems from the felony charges also from March of 2009.  If you'll recall, he was granted "Treatment in Lieu of Conviction".

My trip to Europe is rapidly approaching...only five more days!

Fantasy Farm


Had a great time at my Cousin's farm this weekend!




He carves wooden sculptures...








Has amazing gardens...








There are chickens, horses, baby lambs, a donkey, a dog, two cats, pigs, and a miniature horse!
I'm just not posting photos of all...




and red barns...




Hope your weekend was filled with beauty!!


The Woods


These are photos I took...except for the one of me...the past few days from three hikes I've gone on.
I'm grateful today for nature, my "Vasque" hiking boots, and cameras!






"Quit hanging on to the handrails . . . Let go. Surrender. Go for the ride of your life. Do it every day."
Melody Beattie, "Finding Your Way Home"







"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we really are, far more than our abilities."
Albus Dumbledore in one of the Harry Potter books & movies







"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."
Judith Kelman







"All of us have been dying, hour by hour, since the moment we were born. Realizing this, let all things be placed in their proper perspective. . . . Remember, it is always later than you think."
Og Mandino in  "The Greatest Success in the World"





"That whisper you keep hearing is the universe trying to get your attention."
Oprah Winfrey

"Life is Good" Award



Shen from ReunitedSelves honored me with
the "Life is Good" award.  Thanks Shen!!  The following are my answers to the
questions associated with acceptance of the award:




1. What would your perfect day consist of?


Being outdoors with the sun shining...a backrub...a yummy picnic lunch...a hike through the woods...a nap... saying, hearing and meaning the words "I Love You"...hearing the birds singing and later...some music!


2. How would you describe yourself if you were an item of clothing?


A light-weight, wrinkle resistant, colorful, wrap dress that could be worn during the day as a casual outfit or dressed up in the evening with high heels and appropriate accessories!


3. What hobbies are you currently working on?


My blog, hot yoga, travel planning, and reading!


4. Walking in the woods in wellies or bare foot on the beach?


Walking in the woods in wellies!


5. Have you ever hugged or sang to a tree?


I have hugged a tree!


6. Growing your own veggies or nipping to the supermarket?


I've never grown my own veggies - but I do buy some organic!


7. Have you found anyone exciting in your family tree?


I think my grandfather was pretty exciting!


8. Slap up meal in a posh restaurant or fish 'n' chips from the wrapper?


I like both - but I'd have to pick "posh restaurant" since usually it's the latter!


9. Which element do you most resonate with, Earth, Air, Fire or water?


"Fire"!  I'm usually the firestarter and tender of it...and jump over campfires for everyone's entertainment!


10. Do you believe in fairies?


If fairies are "Angels", then Yes!


Thanks again, Shen!


It's a really hard choice, but I would like to pass this award on to the following bloggers:

Renee at renee-mentalimages

Heather's Mom at heathersmom1

Barbara at parentofheroinaddict

Her Big Sad at herbigsad

Anna at letgohangon

Annette at journeyofrecoverysearchforserenity

Jennifer at onetrueself

If you have time, post it as I have and answer the questions!!

A Day in the Life of a Census Taker



I've been working as a Crew Leader Assistant and also going out in the field to do Census work.  It's been interesting!  I'm lucky that the area I'm working in is very nice...some of the homes are million dollar homes.  I've probably been to about 75 houses and only encountered one lady that was somewhat beligerant.  She was quite rude and when I got to the question about picking a race...she said..."American - that white is not a race...it's a color of skin."  Towards the end she apologized and said that she just has a problem with the government.  She then remarked that she'd heard we make $60 a visit and I said "No - nothing close to that", so she asked how much I make and I told her politely that I wouldn't share that information.  I've worked with the public my whole life in some capacity and with many "difficult" bosses and co-workers, so this has been a natural fit for me.


When I approached another house, there were two dogs in the yard, a border collie and an "ankle biter".  An "electric fence" sign was posted and I stood on the sidewalk sizing up the situation as the "ankle biter" yapped away.   Less than a minute went by and I made the decision to brave it...so I walked up the driveway onto the entry sidewalk, up to the front door, while the "ankle biter" followed me...yapping.  The first thing the homeowner said was, "I guess you have to be a dog lover to have this job", to which I replied, "I watch the Dog Whisperer and I am a dog lover".  

A couple of days ago I pulled into someone's driveway because there wasn't a close parking spot and decided I wouldn't lock my car.  As I shut the door, I had a sinking feeling that I locked it out of habit...and I did...with my cell phone in it.  The home owner was very understanding and let me use her cell phone.  My husband said that there was a "valet" key that he had put under the front end of the car with a plastic tie down...thank God!

I'm still reading the one year Bible and it talks about the Census being taken way back when.  In America it's been taken since 1790!

Not sure what my next gig will be yet!

Bitter Sweet



Last night my son arrived home with his girlfriend and handed me two dozen roses...this is a picture of them...and a card.  He said he thought the card was perfect.  It said:


Mother

no one has to tell me how lucky I am to have you,
because I've known for along time

When I think back over the years
and remember all the special things
you've done for me,
I realize that you're not only
a great mother, but you're also
a wonderful person.
You've taught me so much
about life and love and giving,
and those are lessons I'll never forget.

So many things that have added to my happiness
have been gifts from you...
maybe having a mother like you
has spoiled me a bit,
but don't ever think
I don't appreciate and love you,
because I do...with all my heart.

Happy Mother's Day


Inside he wrote:  I'll never be able to express how much you mean to me and how much I love you.
                          Thank you so much for being here for me through everything.  Love, J


My husband just left to take J to his three week DUI rehab.  As J and I hugged goodby...I swallowed the tears until he walked out of the door.  I'm very lucky to have a son like him...I'll miss him!




Close Encounter




I awoke at 4:30am this morning and decided to get up.  I noticed a light on beneath my son's bedroom door...thinking he left his T.V. on...opened the door and he was still up.  He told me that after his girlfriend picked him up from work and was driving him home...the police stopped them because she had a tail light out.  She didn't have her driver's license on her and one of the officers questioned my son....asked him for his I.D., ran a check and saw that he was on probation.  J said there were at one point three police cars there and it took about 30 minutes.    He was surprised they didn't search the car!

There were no reprecussions, because they weren't doing anything wrong.  When it's 1am in the morning, there is a greater risk of being pulled over.

He was a bit upset because now he has to report to his Probation Officer that there was some contact with law enforcement.  I asked him if he has cravings for drugs and he said, "Yes, actually yesterday I thought about it because of going away for three weeks on Sunday".  I'm glad he's honest with me.  I told him that I continue to pray for him every day!!

Mother's Day Prayer for each of you...



I had planned to delete my last post concerning my husband before he returned from his weekend golf outing, but didn't...not sure why.  When he returned, we caught up on each other's news from the weekend and I went to the grocery.  I had listed my mother's stove on Craig's List for her and sold it in one day.  The guy was due to come pick it up...which my husband was aware of.  Upon returning from the grocery, my husband wasn't at home and the guy was there with his son to take the stove.  I called my husband and left a message on his cell phone. 

I was downstairs in the storage room with the two strangers and called my husband again...he answered...I asked him where he was...he said just driving around.  The guy had to take the front of the stove off to fit it through the doors and as he was loading it into his truck, my husband made an appearance.  I didn't want to be alone with strangers in my house...although my son was in his bedroom sleeping. 

After they left, I asked my husband if he was upset about something...he said he read my blog.  I asked why that upset him...he said because I left out the part about me yelling at him...I asked when I yelled at him...he said off and on through the discussion.  He said he also didn't like the world knowing about our business.  I told him that my blog is like a journal for me...a place I should be able to write about what I want.  He said he thought it was a place for me to write about J's issues.  I told him that this is a family disease and everyone is affected.

I asked him if I could set up a camcorder when we "communicate" and he said, a bit sarcastically, "I'll have to think about it".  I asked him if he would go to counseling with me, he said Yes.

I know other bloggers have had the same issue as far as family members not being comfortable with how much is shared on the blog.  I want to respect his needs/feelings, but also my own.  When I replay the discussion and try to understand why he feels that I was yelling, I'm at a loss.  That's why a camcorder would come in handy.  I haven't asked about it again and he hasn't given me an answer.

Moving on to other topics...J leaves at 8am on Mother's Day to go into the 3 week DUI rehab.  I'll be having the celebration at my house and we'll combine it with my mother's birthday, like we usually do.  I asked J the other day if he is surprised at how well he is doing and he said, "Yes".

This is the best Mother's Day gift I could receive!

Anger and "In the Middle"


I find myself in the same situation as Garnet at her blog.  A couple of weeks ago I offered to let my son's girlfriend sleep in our guest bedroom one particular evening.  She has been helping to drive him once or twice a week to work or his probation appointment.  I don't remember the particulars from that offer, but he declined at the time.  Last night, J called asking if she could spend the night (in the guest room), because she could pick him up at 1am and take him to his probation appointment today at 1:15pm, followed by work at 2:00pm.

My husband and I have been taking turns picking him up at 1am.  It was planned that J's Aunt was going to take him to work today.  I had forgotten about his probation appt.  My hours aren't flexible this week, because I'm in training.

I put J on hold when he called to run it by my husband.  He said "No, he didn't agree".  So, I tried to explain to J and he got upset.  I am "in the middle" again.  I tried to talk to my husband about it after I hung up from talking with J, but he gets upset if I start questioning him, trying to understand his reasons.  I stay calm.  Each time he gets upset, I interrupt him and ask if we could try to just talk and stay calm.  He makes statements such as "just do what you want", "I'm the bad guy, the "dick" again", "the bottom line is...".

At one point he walks over and standing three feet from my face, spews anger at me.  I don't react.

I wait for a few minutes and tell him I won't put up with that kind of anger being directed at me and that I believe he has an anger problem.  I ask him if he sees the anger.  He says "no".  In the past, he has admitted that he has an anger problem, but has done nothing to work on it.

Through the years, there have been a handful of times that his anger has turned physical with J.  A push, a slap on the chest, picking him up off of the floor to throw him on the couch, etc. and only once with me, jabbing his finger into my chest repeatedly.  I have looked at my part in it, as Garnet said in her post, and can see from his perspective that he feels like I continue questioning him until I get the response I want sometimes.  Like an attorney cross-examining.  I would like to set up my camcorder so that we could replay it and watch ourselves, each time we try to resolve an issue.

He came in the room a few minutes ago and said, "Sorry about last night".  Normally, I say, "O.K.".  This time I said "hmm".  As I write this out, it sounds like "abuse".  I tell myself that he has gotten better.  I had quit smoking again for 4 days until this outburst, and felt the need for one last night.

This makes me sad...I welcome your comments.

Bisons, Elk and Bears...Oh My!



Glacier National Park, Montana is absolutely stunning!  My husband and I had the
pleasure of visiting there and Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming in 2006.

We flew into an airport between the two, rented a car and drove to
Glacier first.  Driving along the 50 mile "Going to the Sun Road" was gorgeous
and a bit nerve wrecking because of the sheer drop-offs!

We went on a few hikes in the three days we were there.
The most memorable was the 10 mile round trip hike to "Iceberg Lake",
which is pictured below the eagle photo.  We saw a brown bear
on the hike, but the photo isn't that great, so I didn't attach it!





This Bison was ambling along the road as we drove by in Yellowstone!
The Elk walked by while we were having a picnic lunch...the
wild life was spectacular!






This waterfall was along one of the hikes we did.





Being a hunter, my husband felt naked without a gun hiking in the wildnerness.
We had some bear mace, but he didn't have much confidence in it.  We
had heard that you should make noise when coming around corners,
so we would sing or clap our hands quite frequently,
and felt quite silly at times!


Hope you have a beary nice day today!!


Gratitude


Almost two weeks have passed since J was in Court.  He is doing very well...working 50 hours a week...having some fun...went bowling Saturday night with friends and to a Black and White party with friends last night.  A friend of his picked him up...a girl in a "black & white" dress.  I told J that if there is any hint of trouble, to call us and we'll come pick him up.  Because he's on probation, he has to be very careful.  My husband voiced his concerns to me after J left, that what if someone in the car has alcohol or pot and they get stopped, or, what if the party gets out of hand and the police are called and what if...!!  I said it is out of our control...all we can do is offer to drive/p/u.

J and I have had a couple of conversations about the past...he assured me that I absolutely did the right thing when I called the police, resulting in him spending 6 months altogether with jail...then "lockdown" rehab.  When I asked if there was anything else I could/should have done, he said no, that having "real" consequences of going to prison is what is a huge motivator for him and having had clean time of at least 6 months is also important he said.  I believe the reconnection that has occurred between his father and he has also helped in his healing process.

His father asked him how he could help and J said money would be the only way, since he lives 1000 miles away.  He has lots of fines, an attorney to finish paying off, will need to have money to buy a car, insurance, BMV fines, etc., etc.  He sent him $500 for now.

I mentioned a family friend, whose son is also going through addiction problems to J and the fact that he hasn't been to jail yet.  He said that he most likely needs to go.  He said that it doesn't usually work for someone who has already been to jail.  I believe he is speaking from the experiences that a few of his friends have been through, although most of his friends are just finishing with college and one in particular is heading to Europe in June with another friend.




I just booked another trip leaving in June...this one with a girlfriend.  We're heading first to Madrid, Spain for a couple of days, taking the train to Lisbon, Portugal for a couple of days, onto Barcelona, where we'll board a 12 night cruise that stops at: Cannes, France, Florence, Italy, Rome, Naples, Venice (my birthday will fall while we're there), Croatia, Greece and back to Spain, where we'll have to take another train back to Madrid, because that was the most economical air accomodations.

I'm really excited and have been very busy booking all of the details...cruise, rail travel, hotels, etc. etc., buying new sandals and beach hat!  My job will end right before the trip leaves and when I approached my husband with the plan, he was surprisingly positive about it.  When I called my friend to say it was a go...she kept shrieking and yelling...yeah, yeah!

When opportunity is staring you in the face...in this case...a friend that isn't working right now...has the $...likes to travel the way I do...a day or two in each spot...I say GO for it!  J will be in the court ordered rehab for two of the three weeks that we'll be gone, so the timing is good.

Anyway, I'll have new photos to post in a couple of months!

Gratitude:

J is sober...the safety part is up to he and God!!
For trains, planes, buses, cars, motorcycles, bicycles, feet!!
For  my understanding husband!!
For my friends (including blog friends) and family!!
For a loving God!!

Cruisin with Mom


Mom and I went on a 7 night cruise to the Southern Caribbean in 2004. 
We flew to San Juan, Puerto Rico a day early so that we could explore.  We
walked around "old" San Juan.  I rented a car and we drove to
the El Yunque Rain Forest. 

The second photo is of "Trunk Bay" in St. John, which is one
of the most beautiful of all!





This is the bay of Greneda and I just loved the women with their fruit baskets!






We were amazed with the guys jumping from a very high spot
on the cliff to the water below at the Annadale Falls in Grenada.




The above photo is of the "Natural Bridge" on the island of Aruba.

I rented a 4-wheel drive vehicle and took it off-road, with the
aid of a map and went careening through sand and
bumping along the coast line, while Mom screamed,
"You're crazy!  What are you doing?" as her head
barely missed hitting the top of the vehicle. 

 I replied, "We're having fun Mom!"

Wonderful memories, except for me not being able to sleep on the ship because of her snoring!

Hope you can find some fun today!!


Up, Up and Away



This past week, I received an e-mail through that on-line group I've
mentioned before, called meetup.com.  It was from a man
who thought we had met the past year at a hike and was
wondering if I'd be interested in helping him get his hot air
balloon in the sky.  I asked my husband if he'd be
interested, so he decided to come along.




We rode out on the Harley and only stayed for about an hour.
It was quite fascinating!

That's me helping below...




He had two other people there to pick him up
once he called them with his GPS coordinates.






I love this picture of the inside!





My husband and I were holding the rope that
attached to the top of the balloon and as it rose
we were to pull back to keep it steady.
As you can imagine, it took all of our
strength as it pulled us towards it!

I hurt my toe a couple of weeks ago and it's still
healing, so I had sandals on.  I warned my husband
to watch out for my foot...but...it was stepped on...ouch!!






I would like to go for a ride some time...
this was just a test flight for him.





Later, I received an e-mail thanking us for our help and
he said he had a "splash n dash"...touched down in
a pond...and then ultimately came down in a farmer's field!