Scientists at the Stanford Medical Center recently announced that they might have discovered a new explanation for why GAD has appeared. That the condition may be caused by scrambled neural connections between regions of the cortex dealing with integrating fear and emotion. GAD makes people live in a constant state of worry, even over the most ordinary matters.
I'm feeling a bit of that, but mostly unmotivated, isolated and indecisive. I went to see the therapist Friday because she had a cancellation. She wanted more background about my childhood and life. At the end, she suggested that I read a book called, "Adult Children of Alcoholics". I had told her that my father used to drink beer every day. I wasn't sure how much and he never appeared drunk. Anyway, it seems that years ago I had briefly glanced at that book wondering myself if he was an alcoholic. I went to Half Price Books and couldn't find it, so instead bought, Melody Beattie's, "Beyond Codependency". I'll get that one next.
I think a lot of my scrambledness is stemming from problems with my marital relationship and not being able to pinpoint which direction to go career wise. I know that some of that is because I don't want to be in a job that won't allow me to help J when he is released to the extent that I should and can. I know that he got himself into this, but as long as he is committed to recovery, I want to help initially with getting settled and with transportation.
J called me Friday and was very anxious trying to plan everything for when he is released. He asked my opinion on a few things and at the end of the conversation, I reassured him that there are people that can help him with transportation, family and friends and that I would be here for him. I realized after hanging up that what he was saying to me was that he wants to be responsible for himself and doesn't want to rely on others. He's always been very independent. He said if he misses one probation appointment, they can send him to prison.
Sometimes, I wish I could just sell everything and move away. I realize that is an option!
Hopefully I didn't sound like I'm whining - I'm grateful for everyone / everything in my life - just one of those days!
Peace, love and joy to all of you and thanks for your comments!
2 comments:
You don't sound like you're whining...you are sharing how you feel today. I am glad you feel safe doing that here, I feel the same way on my blog and it usually helps me to feel better to "get it out".
I've learned a lot about GAD since Keven has that plus panic disorder. Its SO TRUE about the "constant state of worrying over ordinary things".
I think its good for J to know that he has support and help with transportation.
I like your new template!!!
Thinking about and praying for you!
Huh, I read her book Codependent No More YEARS ago, and am now reading her book The New Codependency... somehow I must have missed the BEYOND... How many books does she have???
It didn't seem like you were whining - my gosh I have sooo many days when I feel like that - and truthfully - I have nothing to complain about in my life right now... I started reading that thinking hmmmm I bet I have GAD...
You have A LOT going on - in THREE MAJOR areas of your life right now! Give yourself the latitude to express your emotions and know that *you have a lot going on*...
I think that J is planning and trying to work out everything on his own is good.
God bless. God brings new mercies in the morning.
p.s. I think I might title ALL my blog posts "Scrambled"!!! Seems it can sum up everything :)
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