The Root of Hope - Ibogaine

I stumbled across a video about Ibogaine...a plant found in Africa and legally used in a variety of countries to treat addiction to heroin (and other opiates), alcoholism, and cocaine. There are quite a few You Tube videos to view related to it. The video has Greg Douglas, formerly with the Steve Miller Band, who after battling a 30 year addiction to heroin, was cured after taking Ibogaine.

Henry...lost his life due to addiction

This video is about Henry, the son of Katie Granju, who lost his life due to his addiction to opiates.  It is very moving!  It's becoming clear to me that one of the main problems we face in trying to get the message out to other parents of at risk teens (before it is too late...as in the case of Henry) is the tendency to remain silent.  Usually, we remain silent or anonymous to protect our child's identity.  I believe if more recovering addicts would join with their parent(s) to educate others, then more parents would be better prepared to deal with all of the issues that accompany drug use.

Nature...Disconcerting Phone Call...Humor

This is a picture I took of a squirrel in the back yard, nibbling on a piece of bread that my husband threw off the deck yesterday.  We enjoyed watching him drop it...run down the tree to retrieve it...and then back up to resume his meal.

We had just fallen asleep last night when my phone rang at 10:15pm. It was a man's voice asking for "_______", which is the name of my husband. I asked who was calling and the name sounded familiar. Immediately, I'm on alert because 1) we don't usually get phone calls that late; 2) why was he calling on my phone asking for my husband; 3) my son's past drug life.


The name doesn't sound familiar to my husband and in his fuzzy half-asleep brain, he's telling him he doesn't know anyone by that name. The man says, "Aren't you the friend of _____'s?", as I whisper, in my fuzzy half-asleep brain, "I think it's the father of one of J's friends", so then husband says to the man, "Oh, sure, how are you?" The man then says, "The plant will be ready by the 8th or 9th. What day is better for you?" Husband says, "What?" Man then repeats himself. Husband says, "Oh, the 8th would be better". Man then says, "O.K., I'll give you a call then". Husband says, "O.K., talk to you then".

After he hangs up, we're both very confused. Husband says it was a drug deal, I say, are you sure, maybe by plant he means something else. We call J on speakerphone and ask him if he knows this person, he says "Yes, I'm going to his wedding in May".

To summarize the outcome: My son has used my phone a few times when his battery has been low, because he left his charger at his Aunt's and he had called this friend from my phone a few days ago. This friend was trying to reach someone that has the same first name as my husband and hit redial for the wrong phone number. My son was very concerned that we were thinking he was involved in something, which we have to admit crossed our minds. When we thought it through, we realized that it didn't involve J because the friend asked for someone else, not J.

Anyway, J had called the friend when he hung up from us and then called us back to talk about it. As we were talking, the friend called us and apologized. He explained the mishap and said he wanted to make sure that we knew that J was turning his life around and had nothing to do with this. I thanked him for calling back and said, "If you don't stop what you're doing, you'll end up eventually getting into trouble also!"

It dredged up past fears and reminded me of how vulnuerable our emotions are!


....and to end on a humorous note

My husband was relaying a funny incident that happened the other day with our roommate.  He said that I wasn't home this particular day, when he was standing in the kitchen and had terrible gas.  He was just in the middle of releasing a very loud "fart", when he heard her dainty footsteps rounding the corner.  He turned and said that her eyes were very wide and she almost started running out the door with a horrified look on her face! 

My husband finds these topics of humanity to be very humorous and was almost crying with laughter as he shared this moment with me!

I hope that everyone can find something to laugh about every day!

A bit of humor...more drugs....Alanon

My son's birthday was in December and after it had passed, my mother asked me if the "lockdown rehab" had a birthday party for him...when I shared this with my son he had a good laugh!!

In yoga class yesterday, the owner of the facility mentioned to the class that she knows that her 17 year old son is smoking pot and that she's not stupid because she used to smoke it when she was younger.  She lives in the most affluent section of our City and told us that there had been a drug bust at the home of one her son's friends.  She shared that they found "oxycontin" among other drugs.  All I said was that it was an epedemic.

I went to my first Alanon meeting Tuesday evening...I had been to a few Naranon meetings months ago.  There were about 12 people in attendance and the topic was grief.  The facilitator spoke for a while about her grandmother having passed away 10 days earlier and then about 5 other people that she didn't know, but were either family or friends of co-workers who had also passed.  There was a man there who was a bit obnoxious and initially I was thinking, "what am I doing here - I prefer to read my blogger friends' thoughts and inspiration", but when I left I realized that I learned more about myself during that hour.  I learned to not make assumptions, to have more compassion, and that there are connections to thoughts and feelings that at first aren't apparent.

I've always felt that I was consistently good and nice to people.  In Melody Beattie's Book, "Beyond Codependency", she addresses the issue of why then do we feel that many people don't treat us the same way.  She explained that people treat us how we are acting towards ourselves.  If you consistently put other people's needs before yours, this is what is reflected back to you.  If you are always protecting other people's feelings rather than honoring yours, others will disregard your feelings as well.  "Relationships are a mirror for our internal life". 

This really rang a bell for me!

Peace, love and joy to all of you today!

Bored to Death "Literally"

My son has always said "He's bored" since he was a child if he wasn't doing something.  When you have a highly intelligent (I may be biased - but he did make straight A's without studying and tested in the top 5% in the nation in Math in 6th grade), somewhat hyperactive child, whose grandfather was a "hoarder" and battled with depression, whose father and other grandfather a "hoarder of money", an uncle who is an "alcoholic", mother and grandmother a "nicoholic", and various other extended family members that have issues with alcohol, anxiety etc., this article gives some "food for thought"!

LONDON – Can you really be bored to death?

In a commentary to be published in the International Journal of Epidemiology in April, experts say there's a possibility that the more bored you are, the more likely you are to die early.


Annie Britton and Martin Shipley of University College London caution that boredom alone isn't likely to kill you — but it could be a symptom of other risky behavior like drinking, smoking, taking drugs or having a psychological problem.


The researchers analyzed questionnaires completed between 1985 and 1988 by more than 7,500 London civil servants ages 35 to 55. The civil servants were asked if they had felt bored at work during the previous month.


Britton and Shipley then tracked down how many of the participants had died by April 2009. Those who reported they had been very bored were two and a half times more likely to die of a heart problem than those who hadn't reported being bored.


But when the authors made a statistical adjustment for other potential risk factors, like physical activity levels and employment grade, the effect was reduced.


"Someone who is bored may not be motivated to eat well, exercise, and have a heart-healthy lifestyle. That may make them more likely to have a cardiovascular event," said Dr. Christopher Cannon, an associate professor of medicine at Harvard University and spokesman for the American College of Cardiology.


He also said if people's boredom was ultimately linked to depression, it wouldn't be surprising if they were more susceptible to heart attacks; depression has long been recognized as a risk factor for heart disease. Cannon also said it was possible that when people are bored, dangerous hormones are released in the body that stress the heart.


Britton and Shipley said boredom was probably not in itself that deadly. "The state of boredom is almost certainly a proxy for other risk factors," they wrote. "It is likely that those who were bored were also in poor health."


She said boredom is linked to anger suppression, which can raise blood pressure and suppress the body's natural immunity. "People who are bored also tend to eat and drink more, and they're probably not eating carrots and celery sticks," she said.


Still, Mann said it was only people who were chronically bored who should be worried.


"Everybody is bored from time to time," she said.


Have a great day!

My relapse...

I bought a pack of cigarettes yesterday.  I have been fighting it especially since the vacation.  After analyzing it, I think its a combination of factors: 1) being bored on the vacation and watching lots of other people smoking; 2) being bored at home - getting discouraged about finding a job; 3) having an argument with my husband Monday evening; and 4) I got a letter from J's attorney saying that he wasn't sure that J would get "treatment in lieu of conviction" for the pending charges in the other county now.  That it would be a miracle if he did.  I left a message for him to call me to find out if he could be facing any prison time.  I know that he'll have to serve 20 days for the pending DUI. 


J and I had spoken on the phone after I received the letter, and I mentioned it to him.  He asked if there was a chance of him serving time and I said "no, I didn't think so", mainly so that he wouldn't worry excessively.  So, instead I realize that I took on that burden of worrying, not only about possible prison time, but that J was now probably worried also.  That only lasted for a couple of days and gradually I didn't feel that anxiety.  I also realized that the issues that led to my husband and I splitting last time are still there, just not as prevalent.  I'm going to suggest to him that we see the therapist.


I went last night by myself to see J because there was a chance his girlfriend was going to come and only 2 people can visit at one time.  Also, I really just wanted some one on one time with him.  The girlfriend didn't show - J said she tried to drop off the paperwork necessary to be a visitor a few days earlier, but was 15 minutes late, so she mailed it in.  She's now supposed to come on Sat.  There are always some kind of excuses....


I spent a couple of hours yesterday stopping at businesses within 2-3 miles of our house, picking up applications for him.  Most of them were fast food or restaurant establishments, along with a couple of auto parts stores, a tanning salon, movie rental place, etc.  I got more information from his case manager about the job hunting.  The guy that helps them look for a job doesn't really actively find job postings, he just drives them around to p/u applications and drop them off or interview.


J was really appreciative of the apps. The first 15 minutes I was asking him more about the severity of his drug use.  I told him I hoped he didn't feel like I was cross examining him and he wondered why I was so interested in the past.  I tried to explain that through the years I knew he was confiding certain things to me, but then months or years later he would give me more information or confirm that he had lied about something previously, so I wasn't sure what the truth was. 


He said that he started taking the xanax daily when he was 16 years old.  He started taking vicodin and percocet around that time also and then started snorting the oxycotin after he moved out of the house when he was 19.  He said he snorted Heroin about 5 times.  I asked why he didn't do that more and he said because he knew where that would lead and that it felt "dirtier" to do that.


I saw the new therapist on Monday and we clicked.  Most of that hour was spent again on me giving her background information.  Unless she has a cancellation, the soonest I could see her is a week from Sat.


I told J that I would like him to go to see her when he is released and explained that he wouldn't have to take meds if he didn't want to, that just having therapy and exercise can help if you have depression or anxiety.  We talked more about his plan when he is released.  Ultimately, he wants to get an apartment with the gf.  I told him what the therapist said concerning her - that she is most likely a trigger because they had used together.  He didn't respond.  He said that he has to stay busy when he is released!


To change the subject - two of the events that I scheduled went very well.  There were about 20 people that joined my husband and I at the art center and I had a turnout of about 55 people for the hike on Sunday.  Although it was cold at first, the sun was bright!  I may have to cancel tomorrow night's event at the horse races, because we're supposed to get snow.


I will quit smoking again very soon!  That reminds me, J asked me how the not smoking  was going and I told him I had just bought a pack that day.  He was disappointed.  I told him that I can kind of relate to drug addiction, but that I had thought to myself when deciding rather to buy a pack, that if I knew there was a chance that I could go to jail or die that day from it, that there was no way I would have done it.  He disagreed with me - which is scary!


Gratitude:


J is safe and sober
God has given me another day of life

The Visit

My husband and I visited J last night.  It was great to get to hug and kiss him after waiting 4 months.  He looked great - he's gained almost 20 lbs.  I spoke with his case manager yesterday before the visit and she was very helpful and nice.  She said J was doing very well with his classes and she has noticed a change in him from when he first arrived.  He's opening up more.  She said he has asked her a number of times about going back to college.

Anyway, I had mentioned to him on the phone on Sunday that I wasn't sure he would be able to come live at home when he was released.  For one thing, we're not on a bus line.  He said he could ride one of our bikes to the bus stop which is miles away by way of  a very dangerous, winding road.  I told him we had time to make a decision about that.  So, last night we talked about that more.  I asked him if his father does give him the $13,000 when he is released, what his plans for it would be.  He said he would pay off half of his credit card debt and that he thinks he needs to make it on his own.  Just stay here for the first couple of weeks and then move to an apartment.  That he needs to stay busy.  I asked if a large sum of money would be a trigger for him and he said no.  He said that looking back he realizes that when he would go out spending a lot of money on a new phone, clothes, xbox, etc. was a trigger.

He thinks he can get the job back working for his friend's cousin that he had when this happened.  He was working 2nd shift 2pm-2am, but there is no bus that goes there. 

We talked briefly about drugs and he said that he was doing well before the last month of trouble - that he had been clean for 3 months and then he decided one day to try it again and see if it was like it was in the beginning.  He said it was, so he decided to try it the next day to see if it was still good and it was, so the third day he tried it and he didn't get high.  I didn't asked him what he tried, but it seems clear that he made a conscious decision to get high.  I asked if he had any cravings and he said only for cigarettes.  I reminded him that I had quit about 9 weeks ago now and he said "Oh yeah - I forgot - that's great!"  A little self-absorbed - wouldn't you say!

I asked him if he feels anxious or depressed.  He said that he's not happy all of the time and I said that no one is.  He said if he had to lean one way or the other, he'd say that yes he probably has a problem, but that he wouldn't want to take any medicine.  I mentioned that I went to a therapist and that now I have found another one that I'll be seeing Monday and that she could see him also when he gets out if he wants to.  He said he really didn't want to, but that if I wanted him to then he would.  The new therapist asked me if his mental health has been evaluated and I said no.  She said that usually people don't become addicts unless there is some type of mental health issue also.

I also asked him if he thinks I did the right thing calling the police and he said yes!  I am still traumatized by that and feel that the therapist can help me work through it.

J and his step dad joked around and talked about sports, etc.  It was nice to see J smile!

It was a good visit and he is definitely getting better.  I liked that he realized that he needs to stay busy and make it on his own.  I also realize that we're just beginning - when he is faced with life on the outside - that's the true test!

Gratitude:

J is safe and sober
The sun is shining this morning
My coffee tastes good

Peace and blessings to everyone!!

Prescription Pills: The new drug of choice for teens

This article was on MSN's homepage today.  They gave an 18 year old high school student 5 years in prison for distributing oxy.  How sad for everyone.

Prescription Pills: The new drug of choice for teens:

http://health.msn.com/medications/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100247883&page=1

J called me on the 31st after I had already posted on my blog.  He sounded on edge, probably because it was his birthday and New Year's Eve (everyone was going out to have fun).  He asked me if I knew of any decent jobs (so he wouldn't have to take just any job) for him when he is released at the end of March.  The residents at the rehab are not discharged until they have a job or are in school.  It seemed like an odd question.  Sometimes, I think he thinks that I know everything (did that make sense?).   He said that he has a lot of free time there because the classes only last 2 hours per day.

He wants to go back to school since he only went for one semester right out of high school.  I asked him if he could do some research on the internet to decide what he wants to take in school and he said he doesn't think you can use the internet until you've been there three months.  He said there is a guy there whose wife mails him school work for online college and he mails it back to her. 

I have always been the one in the past to make suggestions, give reminders and research information for/to my son and realize now that was detrimental.  I want to be here as support for him and as we all know, its a fine line between support and enabling.  I know that some of you allow your son/daughter to live with you and others feel that is not the thing to do.  Since my son won't be able to drive for at least 6 months after he is released, he will need to live on a bus line and even then, the bus doesn't go everywhere (probation appts., etc.) that he will need to go.  I know that is his problem.

J said he wants his step-father and I to visit this Saturday, since he's only allowed two people per week.  I was surprised he didn't want his girlfriend, but I didn't comment on it.

I am in the process of planning another trip for February, but this one for my husband and I to go on.  We usually go somewhere once a year together and I'm thinking this time we could go on a cruise on the coast of South America that hits Argentina, Brazil and Uruguay.  I sometimes feel a little guilty for the amount of travel that I'm doing recently, but then I remember the hair color commercial - "I'm worth it"!

Gratitude:

Tears
Sleep

Veteran's Day and Christmas

My husband and I went out for dinner tonight at Applebee's. I got a free meal because I served in the Army for 4 years (stationed in Germany for 2 1/2 years).


Am I crazy....I put up the christmas tree and decorations today! I played Diana Krall's Christmas music on my Ipod while decorating. I have to admit I cried a little thinking about J. All of the ornaments bring back memories...especially the one he made with a picture of him when he was about 8 with glitter around the edges.

I'm having family here for Thanksgiving - they'll think it's a little strange having Christmas decorations up already - oh well!



Tomorrow is another court day. This one was for his "physical control" citation - passed out in his car at a gas station. The urine test came back positive for "benzos" and something else - the attorney doesn't have a copy of the exact findings yet. J was on a prescription for a "benzo" for his sleep disorder so I'm supposed to bring that.

There are two more continued cases next week.

Gratitude:

My son is safe and sober.
My girlfriend was released from the hospital.
Holiday decorations, pretty lights, etc.
The peaceful feeling I have right now.
Living in the USA.

Peace, love and happiness to everyone!!

Court Results & Moving Day

J had three different court proceedings in two different counties this week. Since he is still in jail for the "wreckless op" case, attorney #1 represented him in the other county and was able to continue those cases until next week. The other case was here in our county so they brought J to the courtroom. I spoke with attorney #2 in the hall before it started. This was the case where I called the police on J and he was facing a felony drug possession charge.

I've been praying daily asking God to "please heal J" and to "please give the attorneys and Judges in the case the guidance to make the best decision for J to be healed". I also requested other family members who didn't know what was going on to also pray.

The Judge sentenced J to the "lockdown rehab" (he didn't say for how long) and then three years probation. The wait is 1-2 months for a bed and they will keep J in jail until there is an opening. Attorney #2 asked the Judge if J could be released on his release date next week so that he could make his other court appearances and the Judge said "NO" - that it looks like he has a "catch 22" situation and someone will have to figure it out.

It is quite complicated because the attorney #1 is telling me that unless J can get out of jail to make the court appearances in the other county, they can't go along with this county's rehab recommendation. The two attorneys are supposed to talk again and I should hear something soon.

I know that I've been worried, but it truly helped to pray and feel that J was being looked out for. Through this process, I am fine tuning my beliefs and think that prayer is the most important piece of the process, but that seeking education/knowledge and then acting on that knowledge (when it is something that I can control and feel in my gut that I should act upon) is the way I want to handle my life and what affects me.

I just finished reading "Beautiful Boy" and "The Cross and the Switchblade". The later book is by the founder of the "Teen Challenge". As time goes on I am learning more...



My husband took 1/2 day off of work on Monday so that myself, a friend and my husband could move my mother into her new senior citizen apartment. Moving is my specialty - I've moved 42 times in 51 years - not counting when I help others move. Everything was finished by Monday evening except a couple of end tables for the living room.

Today after Court I went with her and helped her pick out a small dining room set that will be delivered in a week. It has been a challenging time having her live with me for the past 10 months, but I think I have learned more patience among other things.

Gratitude:

1. My son is safe and sober!
2. My mother moved out (yahoo)!
3. I've gotten some e-mails and a phone call through my job search.
4. The beautiful sun shining through warming me as I type this.

Thanks for your prayers and good thoughts!

Family Fun

As I was belting out Beatles songs last night on J's new "Guitar Hero", I sensed a sadness within me. My roommate, J's girlfriend, J and I took turns playing the drums, the guitar and singing. My husband even joined in for a couple of songs. Later as I acknowledged the lurking sadness within, surrounded by family bonding and "normalcy", the reality that J would be gone for 6 months, through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and his birthday, was looming closer like a space shuttle countdown.

My husband says he is counting down because it will be like a vacation, not having to remind J to turn off lights, pick up his clothes, put his dirty dishes away, etc. etc. Of the money that J has left in his bank account, I've talked to him about having a plan for me to pay the minimum balances on his credit cards while he is gone with that money. After he arrived home yesterday with the "Beatles Guitar Hero", I didn't say anything, because I know that he is here most all of the time, and needs something to do.

As we're all learning, the future is uncertain and mostly an illusion to them. As I read what I just typed, I realize that I feel the same way about "the future". I am thankful that he spent the money on that and not something else.

We had court the other day again and this Judge agreed to continue the sentencing until the beginning of November, after we go to Court in the other County. We have Court again on Monday and Tuesday for other charges. J had a urine test a couple of days ago and has another one today.

My roommate is moving out on Monday and I will miss her. My husband and she don't mesh very well so he feels differently than I do. He'd prefer not to get another roommate, but since I'm not working right now, the pressure is on and I am looking for another roommate. Our house is two separate levels and living areas, so there is plenty of space!

I deleted my last post, "The Eulogy" because I asked my husband if he would mind me posting it and he said that it is private! He hasn't expressed an interest in reading my blog, but I wish he would. I am an open person and realize that I have to respect other people's wishes/differences.

Today I'm thankful for:

1. My son is safe and sober.
2. My gas powered leaf blower.
3. Having a garage for when it rains/snows.
4. My reading glasses.
5. My sheepskin houseslippers.

PEACE AND BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE THIS WEEKEND!

Attracting What We Want

J is now in two different drug testing programs for two counties!

He talked to me last night about going to a college football game with 2 friends who drink but don't do drugs. They would be driving over 2 hours away and spending the night. I told him it was his decision. I prayed to God last night to keep him safe. I noticed that I didn't sleep as well last night.

Today, he said that because the game was just across the state border that he didn't think he'd be allowed to go.

I began my spiritual quest about 2 years ago. I've always been an eternal optimist. The most recent spiritual book I'm reading focuses on how we can control our thoughts. Our emotions are to be our guide. If we start to worry, replace it with a better thought. If we find ourselves getting impatient or irritable to be aware of it and to change our thinking about the person/situation. They emphasize that we should always look for the good in people and also think and talk about what we want in our lives, not what we don't want. We will attract what we want that way. It's not about changing others, but changing ourselves.

I want and envision myself to be happy, peaceful, healthy, loving, affectionate and successful.
I want and envision my son to be healthy, happy, successful and at peace.
I want and envision my husband to be supportive, affectionate, successful, happy and loving.
I want and envision my mother to be happy, content, healthy as she can be, and at peace.

It actually goes hand in hand with the Alanon/Naranon program in that we should be walking our own walk and to not let other people's emotions and/or negative situations become our main focus.

Today I'm thankful for:

1. I can walk, talk, see, hear (just a bit deaf), smell, and taste.
2. I have regular toilets (in Peru, Egypt and Jordan - many of the toilets are just holes in the
ground.
3. Books/Writers.
4. Modes of transportation: Car, bicycle, motorcyle.
5. To still have the ability to do fun things like water-ski, snow-ski, hike, bike, jog.

Much love and peace to everyone!!

I turned my son in to the police

The next morning at 4:30am I went downstairs and J was passed out on the floor of his bedroom. I got him up and he was very drugged. We talked some and as I was getting him into bed I tried to take his jeans off but he resisted so something told me to put my hand in his pocket and I pulled out a bottle of pills. I got him into bed - he asked me to lay down with him, which I did and he immediately went back to sleep. My heart ached for my son!

I had done some research online a few weeks earlier and came across some articles that I have attached at the bottom. It was if the blinders had been lifted. I had also attended a Naranon meeting.

I called a drug crisis hotline and I explained some of the circumstances of the situation and the gentleman told me that his 19 yr. old daughter was in prison and would be out in February, that he was watching her baby until then and that I should make my son leave the house immediately and if he wouldn't then to call 911 (non-emergency) and ask them to take him from the premises. I knew that he was in no condition to leave so I called. Two cruisers arrived and they asked if he lived there (did his mail come there) and I said yes - so they said they couldn't take him - that I would have to have him evicted. I asked them to wait and I walked away and called the hotline again.

I got a different guy this time and didn't give him any details other than that the police wouldn't take him and should I tell them about the pills. He said YES - so I did and they went to his bedroom with me and handcuffed him and took him to jail.

It was the hardest/easiest thing I've ever done. By easiest I mean I felt like I was being led to do this and didn't feel much at the time. By the hardest, for the weeks to follow I would analyze it to death (in between all of the reading I've been doing for the last few months - mostly spiritual books (Dr. Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, and the Bible) and worry that because he was within weeks of getting into the rehab and had been doing well - except he did confide in me a couple of days before this happened that he found a way around the system for the hotline - he would call on Friday after 3pm and if he didn't need to go in the next day then he knew he could party because they were closed on Sundays.

His new charges were a felony drug possession and a misdemeanor possession. I then grappled with the decision of whether to get another attorney for him because these charges were in a different county and he was now facing certain prison time (although he had still never been to a drug rehab). I DIDN'T WANT TO ENABLE.

I did hire another attorney and now the two attorneys (who know each other) are pretty certain that he will be admitted to a 3-6 month lock-down drug rehab (there are 4 more upcoming court dates by mid-Oct.) and that the felonies will be dismissed in lieu of treatment.

So, as you can imagine, I am concerned that when my son comes home today, will he stay clean until he is admitted to the rehab. He was able to get himself off of two different drugs and stay clean for a few months and now that he knows what jail is like and that he is facing prison if he doesn't stay clean, he says there is no way he will do anything. I will have some strict rules and if he breaks them I will make him leave the house.

These are the articles:

• My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

• My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

• My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action. And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.

• Stop being surprised. I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.

__________________
Have A Great Day - Jon



I AM AN ADDICT.

You can't make me clean, though I know it is what you want for me to be. But until I want it, I won't be. You can't love me clean, because until I learn to love myself, I won't be. I know you must wonder how can I learn to love myself when I am caught up in a life style of self-hatred and self destruction. I can learn from my own experiences. I can learn from the things that happen to me along the path of my own mistakes. I can learn by being allowed to suffer the consequences of my choices. Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need learn.

I know it devastates you to watch me hurting myself. I know you want to jump in and save me. This helps ease your pain, but I don't think you understand just how damaging it is to me.

You see, although I look and sound like your loved one. I am not. That person is in a self imposed prison way deep down inside of my being and what you see before you is an addict ruled and reigned by my addiction. I am an addict and my main focus is to feed the addiction. Every effort you put forth in the name of "helping me" falls prey to my addiction giving it more power to shackle me down a little more each time.

I feed my addiction enough. So please don't help me.

The only way for the real me to get free is to be free. FREE to fall as far down as I need to go in order to find the strength to fight and find my way back. To break free.

How can or will I ever be able to get clean you wonder ...

The same way I gave myself over to my addiction is the same way I can give myself over to my recovery. BY MYSELF

By not enabling me you will be allowing me to reach "rock bottom". By trusting the process you move over and allow me to find my own way back. You see, it is in the fight to get free that I will find myself. It is in the fight that I will learn to love myself and the more I love myself ... the more I will start to do to better myself, but I myself, must do this.

I am aware that when I use I am playing Russian roulette with my life. I know this, but that is a chance I take when I use. The addict in me is willing to take that chance in the name of getting high.

Rock bottom is but a circumstance away. I can't reach it you are blocking the entrance.

I know you love me and you only want whats best for me ... but that very love keeps you blind sighted to just what truly is best for me and causes you to act from/out of fear and emotions.

Please for my sake don't try to stop me... just let me go ... move out of the way and let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me ... as far down as I have to, to reach rock bottom. Don't try to cushion the fall. Just believe in me and trust the process. Pray for me that when I do hit ... it is not with the impact that leaves me for dead (I know that is your greatest fear), but if it comes to that, be sure to tell my story so that others might learn from my mistakes and live.

Passion
Recovering addict

"I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be" - Joyce Meyer


10 Ways Family Members Can Help a Loved One with a Drug or Alcohol Problem
By Ed Hughes, MPS

The pain and suffering of addiction is not limited to the alcoholic or drug addict. Family members share a tremendous burden as well. Shame, guilt, fear, worry, anger, and frustration are common, Everyday feelings for family members concerned about a loved one’s drinking or drug use. In most cases, the family has endured the brunt of the consequences for the loved ones addiction, including the stress of worry, financial costs, and life adjustments made to accommodate the addicted person’s lifestyle. Addiction leads the addict away from positive influences of the family. The disease twists love, concern, and a willingness to be helpful into a host of enabling behaviors that only help to perpetuate the illness.

Family and friends are usually very busy attempting to help the alcoholic or addict, but the help is of the wrong kind. If directed toward effective strategies and interventions, however, these people become powerful influences in helping the loved one “hit bottom” and seek professional help. At the very least, families can detach themselves from the painful consequences of their loved one’s disease and cease their enabling behavior.

Here are 10 ways family members can help there loved one and themselves:

1) Do learn the facts about alcoholism and drug addiction . Obtain information through counseling, open AA/NA meetings, and Alanon/Naranon.
Addiction thrives in an environment of ignorance and denial . Only when we understand the characteristics and dynamics of addiction can we begin to respond to its symptoms more effectively. Realizing that addiction is a progressive disease will assist the family members to accept their loved as a “sick person” rather than a “bad person.” This comprehension goes a long way toward helping overcome the associated shame and guilt. No one is to blame. The problem is not caused by bad parenting or any other family shortcoming. Attendance at open AA/NA meetings is important: families need to see that not only are they not alone in their experience, but also that there are many other families just like theirs involved in this struggle. Families will find a reason to be hopeful when they hear the riveting stories of recovery shared at these meetings.

2) Don’t rescue the alcoholic or addict. Let them experience the full consequence of their disease. Unfortunately, it is extremely rare for anyone to be “loved” into recovery. Recovering people experience “hitting bottom.” This implies an accumulation of negative consequences related to drinking or drug use which provides the necessary motivation and inspiration to initiate a recovery effort. It has been said that “truth” and “consequences” are the foundations of insight and this holds true for addiction. Rescuing addicted persons from their consequences only ensures that more consequences must occur before the need for recovery is realized.

3) Don’t support the addiction by financially supporting the alcoholic or addict.
Money is the lifeblood of addiction. Financial support can be provided in many ways and they all serve to prolong the arrival of consequences. Buying groceries, paying for a car repair, loaning money, paying rent, and paying court fines are all examples of contributing to the continuation of alcohol or drug use. Money is almost always given by family members with the best of intentions, but it always serves to enable the alcoholic or addict to avoid the natural and necessary consequences of addiction. Many addicts recover simply because they could not get money to buy their drug. Consequently they experience withdrawal symptoms and often seek help.

4) Don’t analyze the loved one’s drinking or drug use. Don’t try to figure it out or look for underlying causes. There are no underlying causes. Addiction is a disease. Looking for underlying causes is a waste of time and energy and usually ends up with some type of blame focused on the family or others. This “paralysis by analysis” is a common manipulation by the disease of addiction which distracts everyone from the important issue of the illness itself.

5) Don’t make idle threats. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Words only marginally impact the alcoholic or addict. Rather “actions speak louder than words” applies to addiction. Threats are as meaningless as the promises made by the addicted person.

6) Don’t extract promises. A person with an addiction cannot keep promises. This is not because they don’t intend to, but rather because they are powerless to consistently act upon their commitments. Extracting a promise is a waste of time and only serves to increase the anger toward the loved one.

7) Don’t preach or lecture. Preaching and lecturing are easily discounted by the addicted person. A sick person is not motivated to take positive action through guilt or intimidation. If an alcoholic or addict could be “talked into” getting sober, many more people would get sober.

8) Do avoid the reactions of pity and anger. These emotions create a painful roller coaster for the loved one. For a given amount of anger that is felt by a family member in any given situation, that amount-or more-of pity will be felt for the alcoholic or addict once the anger subsides. This teeter-totter is a common experience for family members—they get angry over a situation, make threats or initiate consequences, and then backtrack from those decisions once the anger has left and has been replaced by pity . The family then does not follow through on their decision to not enable.

9) Don’t accommodate the disease. Addiction is a subtle foe. It will infiltrate a family’s home, lifestyle, and attitudes in a way that can go unnoticed by the family. As the disease progresses within the family system, the family will unknowingly accommodate its presence. Examples of accommodation include locking up ones and other valuables, not inviting guests for fear that the alcoholic or addict might embarrass them, adjusting one’s work schedule to be home with the addict or alcoholic, and planning one’s day around events involving the alcoholic or addict.

10) Do focus upon your life and responsibilities. Family members must identify areas of there lives that have been neglected due to their focus on, or even obsession with, the alcoholic or addict. Other family members, hobbies, job, and health, for example, often take a back seat to the needs of the alcoholic or addict and the inevitable crisis of addiction. Turning attention away from the addict and focusing on other personal areas of one’s life is empowering and helpful to all concerned.

Each of these suggestions should be approached separately as individual goals. No one can make an abrupt change or adjustment from the behaviors that formed while the disease of addiction progressed. I can not over-emphasize the need for support of family members as they attempt to make changes. Counseling agencies must provide family education and programs to share this information. They must offer opportunities for families to change their attitudes and behaviors. The most powerful influence in helping families make these changes is Al-Anon/Naranon. By facing their fears and weathering the emotional storms that will follow, they can commit to ending their enabling entanglements.

The disease of addiction will fervently resist a family’s effort to say “no” and stop enabling. Every possible emotional manipulation will be exhibited in an effort to get the family to resume “business as usual.” There will always be certain family members or friends who will resist the notion of not enabling, join forces with the sick person, and accuse the family of lacking love. This resistance is a difficult but necessary hurdle for the family to overcome. Yet, it is necessary if they are to be truly helpful to the alcoholic or addict. Being truly helpful is what these suggestions are really about. Only when the full weight of the natural consequences of addiction is experienced by the addict- rather than by the family- can there be reason for hope of recovery.