Trip to California

Back in 2006 I took a sabbatical and traveled quite a bit. One of my trips was to California. I had booked an Amtrak train/bus pass that took me all through California. My father had passed away a few months earlier and J had just graduated from High School. At the time I knew he smoked marijuana but it wasn't until March of 2008 that I found out he had a drug problem.

This was a much needed break for me after working full time my entire life, going to school at night for 8 years and being a mother of a child who was very involved in sports!

I flew out by myself to San Francisco and had a few hours to walk around before it was time to go to bed. The next day I was on a tour bus that was going to John Muir Woods and I had a cup of coffee that I had finished and needed to throw the cup away. I asked the driver if he had a garbage and he replied "No". We were stopped at a light about 10 vehicles back in the middle lane. The lane to our right was also backed up, but I noticed the lane on our left had no cars in it. These were one-way streets.

I noticed a garbage on the left (where no cars were) and asked the driver if I could run over and throw it away - he said "Yes". I walked in front of the bus and noticed the light beginning to turn green, so I started running to the garbage. All I remember was flying through the air onto the hood of a car, bouncing off and onto the ground. I popped right up and people started flocking around me, trying to get me to sit down. Someone called an ambulance and when they arrived, they asked which one of us was the accident victim.
I spent 4 hours in San Fran General and the only mark on me was a little scratch on my forearm. I believe in miracles and angels!

When I got to a restaurant (I was starving), called my husband and told him what had happened, his response was "You need to come home now" and I said, "I'm fine - my trip has just begun"!




This picture is in San Francisco. I loved the sculptures!





I then traveled onto Napa Valley and had a tour of the wineries with 10 other people. I ended up having a bruise on my leg from drinking too much wine that day (no bruises from getting hit by a car though)!!





My next stop was Yosemite! I met a girl from London on the bus who worked for e-bay and we ended up hiking 13 miles together the next day and biking 15 miles the following day.


My last stop was San Diego. I spent two days in each City and loved California!

Gratitude:
My son is safe and soberAngels
Language/wordsLove

Little Girl Lost

Peeling the skin from father’s sunburned back

Lying in bed stroking mother’s sad face

Watching the blood flow from her battered mouth

Listening to rage filled words from her lips

Walking through school hallways, eyes down, ashamed

Yearning for love and drowning the void with substances and strangers

Traveling far to escape the pain

Creating a life to shower my love upon

Finding fulfillment in being a mother

Trying to change the direction of his steps

Realizing control is an illusion

Avoiding the truth for protection

Crying tears for lost years

Feeling such sorrow for our pain

Surrendering to God my most precious gift

Praying for peace and healing

Communication Struggles

My husband and I have been having communication struggles. At the end of this morning's "communicating session" he said he thinks the problem is women. That he really dislikes women!

We don't yell/scream when we communicate. The typical scenario is that I tell him how I'm feeling about something and he gets defensive and takes it personally. Marriage is a struggle!


He agreed to go with me to visit J in jail for the first time last night. We "communicated" on the way and I mentioned that there seemed to be a lack of warmth/closeness between us. He agreed and said it has been for a while. I am the type person that likes to analyze the problem and break it down and he is the emotional one that gets upset quickly, says things he doesn't mean and/or ends the conversation abruptly. He has been going through a lot with his family this year which is a contributing factor.

He complains that I'm on the internet all of the time, which is not true (I give him examples of all the other things that I do also). It is quite complicated and I could give more details to help others understand the situation, but it is private and would turn into a book!

Anyway, while we're waiting in the waiting room, he admits that this is very hard for him - coming to see J in jail. I asked him to explain and he said for one thing it makes him feel like a failure as a step-father. He is not the type person to read or take other action to help him in situations so I just try to listen and not pass judgment.

I think men have it harder in life because they typically don't have friends they can talk to in depth about their feelings.





Well, I better get off the dreaded internet! Since I'm on it all of the time, I wonder how I managed to go out yesterday to purchase a camcorder for my trip, shampoo all of the carpets, do laundry, make phone calls, go to Lowes to p/u paint for a chest of drawers that I'm redoing today, stop by the grocery, scrub the laundry sink with steel wool, clean the house for company tomorrow, help my roommate move her things in last night after the visit to J, read the manual for the camcorder, pack some more for my trip, etc. etc. etc. Just a typical day in the life of Sherry!


SMOKE FREE - 7 DAYS!

Gratitude:

Son is safe and sober
Sense of humor
Patience
Antacids

Peace, love and happiness to everyone!!

Mind Games and Smoke Free

Although J is in jail, I imagine that he is in the military at boot camp! It is a way for me to feel better about his situation. I think that we fear the unknown and since I am familiar with boot camp, it helps.



J and I spoke the other day and he said that he volunteered to work in the kitchen 6 hours a day. He said it is making the time go by more quickly and mainly that he gets to eat more. His first day he had 2 pb/j sandwiches and 2 chicken patty sandwiches. Remember, he's 6'9" tall and slender, so he needs to eat...eat....eat!!

I was supposed to go visit him yesterday, but I ended up not going. I was thinking the football game was on at 1pm and he has joked in the past that when I visit it cuts into the first part of the game. Actually, the game started at 4pm. Since I can't call him I hope he wasn't disappointed. Part of me really didn't want to go, because we talk on the phone a couple of times a week, so we usually run out of things to talk about.




I am 84 hours smoke free...yeah!!

Gratitude:

My son is safe and sober
google - "you can find anything"
treadmill - easier on the knees and warmer
quiet home (except I have tinnitus so I always have ringing in my ears)

Awards from Friends

I received two awards from friends this week. The "Dragon's Loyalty Award" is from Barbara at The Needle and the Damage Done.

Thank you Barbara!!




The rules are as follows:
1. Thank whoever gave this to you
2. Copy award
3. Post it in your blog
4. Tell us 7 things that your readers don’t know about you
5. Link 7 new bloggers
6. Notify winners of the award with a comment on their blog
7. Keep being awesome!

I'm going to share 10 things because the 2nd award requires that.

1) I can still do a backbend.


2) I was on Match.com when my current husband and I were divorced for a year.


3) I used to believe back in my 20's that crying in front of people was a form of weakness.


4) I have lifted a 220lb. man onto my shoulders and swung him in circles (back in my 20's).


5) While in the military back in the late 70's, I took a train trip from Germany, through Austria, onto Italy to visit a friend and forgot my military papers. Back then if you were military you didn't need a passport. Anyway, I talked my way across both borders and again on the return trip.


6) I have skinny dipped in the Ohio River at night (not too long ago).


7) I have never flipped anyone off while driving.


8) Also, while in the military taking a plane flight from Frankfurt to London with a friend, forgot my papers again, so I rush back to the base to get a copy and upon arrival to the gate (about 20 minutes before take-off), there is no one there. Suddenly, a man on a bicycle stops and asks if I am Sherry ______. I said yes and he said, follow me. I am running through the airport following a stranger on a bicycle and they have me board a bus that takes me to the plane and as I am boarding, everyone claps because they couldn't take off since my luggage was already on board (embarrassing)!


9) I am missing one rib (when I was 7 years old the doctors said it was a birth defect). I must have given it to Adam!


10) I used to let J sleep with me from when I divorced his father (2 years old) until he was 10-12 years old. After I remarried when he was 6 years old, of course, it was very infrequent.


I am passing this one on to:


Chailatte at Hurting Parents~Addicted Son

Madison at Fight of Your Life

Renee at Mom of Opiate Addicted Son

Lisa at Loving and Parenting an Addict

Annette at Journey of Recovery...search for serenity

Heathers Mom

Lynn at Where is my beautiful, happy, perfect family


___________________________________________________

The "Honest Scrap" award is from Madison at Fight of Your Life.

Thank you Madison!!




I am passing this one on to:

Barbara at The Needle and the Damage Done
Debby at Oxycontin & Opiate Addiction How's My son

Mom & Dad at An Addict in our son's bedroom

Bill at DadOnFire

Cheri at Glass House Ministries

Gin at My Own Road

Ashes in the Wind & Peru

Today I took my father, grandfather and grandmother's ashes to scatter them at the Voice of America park. My grandmother passed in 1986, grandfather in 2004 and father in 2006. I've had their ashes since 2006. I chose the VOA park because my grandfather was one of the starting engineers for VOA in Germany during the early 1950's.

My father was somewhat of a lost soul and one of his hobbies was the ham radio. My grandmother doted on my grandfather, so I thought I should scatter them together. I said a few words for each of them and made sure I was standing upwind.

My mother wants to be cremated also and said she wants me to keep her ashes until I die. I'm not sure I want to do that....




These pictures are from my trip to Peru in April that I was blessed to be able to go on...the above shot is after a soccer game against 6 guys from Lake Titicaca (14,000 ft. elevation). Obviously, I was the only woman and the oldest person playing. I was the goalie and was able to block all of their shots and we won!!





This was taken at Machu Picchu after we hiked 3 1/2 days on the Inca Trail to arrive at sunrise.




This was a lady on the Uros Island (they are man/woman made islands out of reeds)!





I was feeding this Llama - they warned me that if I tried to touch him, he would spit on me!




This was at a roadside vendor - precious!!




We had fun in the desert jeep riding. I went on the trip by myself, but the other 10 people on the trip were from all over the world (Australia, Gibraltar, Morocco, Germany, New Zealand).


I quit smoking today - I'm on the patch - I am determined this time for many reasons!!

"Healing yourself is connected with healing others."

~ Yoko Ono

Court Results & Exotic Destination

In court last week, J decided to plead "no contest" to the physical control and the Judge gave him the minimum sentence, $50 fine and court costs. This week's two court cases also went well - the attorney was able to persuade them to not issue warrants and push the cases back on the docket so that J can be admitted to the rehab. He probably has about another month to go before a bed opens up - so he'll wait in jail.


I booked a trip to Thailand, Laos and Vietnam leaving December 8th and returning December 24th. My husband knows I've been stressed (mostly J's situation, my mother, searching for new career/job etc.) and supported my decision. When J called me today, I told him about it and he was also excited for me - he told me to be careful (he's a sweetie)! This is my passion and I'm going for it!

The new roommate decided to move in!! She'll be moving in a few days before I leave.

Gratitude:

J is safe and sober
Different cultures & opportunity to travel
Life

Pick a number at Jail & Roommate Search

Visited J at jail today. You pick a number and have a seat. You can call me crazy - but one of the ways I know God is with me is through the number 3 (which represents "the father, the son and holy spirit"). It has been an odd form of comfort. For a few weeks leading up to me finding J passed out on his bedroom floor and up until a couple of weeks ago, I noticed that the number 3 would appear constantly.

Almost every time I looked at the clock it would be 1:33, 10:30, 3:00, etc. and when I would pick a number at jail, it was always 3 or 13. J's inmate number when added together was 13!

When I went to buy new glasses, the bill was $333.63. When I got the oil changed in my car, the mechanic said it was $33.23, and then said "actually it is $30.23, I'm not sure where that extra 3 came from"! There are many other examples.

During this time I was feeling overwhelmed, anxiety-ridden, and all of the other emotions that a parent experiences when they finally comprehend the reality that their child is a drug addict.



Today's visit was fine. One of the positive experiences for him through this has been that his father and father's family have been writing him letters and reaching out. He's gotten letters not only from his father, but from both aunts, his grandmother, grandfather, my brother's ex-wife, my girlfriend, and of course me.

He even had an hour long conversation with his father (they only talk about once or twice a year). His father is planning on coming up from Texas to visit him over Thanksgiving!

While I was in the waiting room, there was a lady that spoke very little English (from Russia) and the police officer wasn't very helpful that was in the waiting room - so I spoke with the officer behind the 2 way mirrored glass and spoke for her. She was there to post $500 bail to get her daughter out. I don't know about the rest of you, but I get more pleasure out of giving than receiving!


I mentioned in an earlier post that my roommate moved out so we've been interviewing potential people. Last night a very nice girl in her late 20's, an engineer going to school at night to obtain her Master's degree (also a marathon runner, takes singing lessons, figure-skating lessons etc. etc.) came over and had dinner with us. She and I have a lot in common: athleticism, eating healthy (she's a vegetarian - I used to be), love of travel, etc. Her family is from the South Pacific Islands - one near Guam - needless to say she is beautiful (both inside and out)!

I have told all three people that have come over some of J's situation. I believe in being open and upfront concerning any possible issues.

She is making a decision by Tuesday - if it is meant to be it will be!


My husband is sick - possibly a virus or the flu. His fever was up to 102 yesterday. Sorry if I offend any men out there, but it seems whenever he is sick (even with a cold and no fever) the world is going to end. I have to say that he has gotten better about it, the older he gets.

Gratitude:

Son is safe and sober
Medicine (to make husband less grumpy and better)
Naps
Choices

Love, peace and happiness to everyone!!

Veteran's Day and Christmas

My husband and I went out for dinner tonight at Applebee's. I got a free meal because I served in the Army for 4 years (stationed in Germany for 2 1/2 years).


Am I crazy....I put up the christmas tree and decorations today! I played Diana Krall's Christmas music on my Ipod while decorating. I have to admit I cried a little thinking about J. All of the ornaments bring back memories...especially the one he made with a picture of him when he was about 8 with glitter around the edges.

I'm having family here for Thanksgiving - they'll think it's a little strange having Christmas decorations up already - oh well!



Tomorrow is another court day. This one was for his "physical control" citation - passed out in his car at a gas station. The urine test came back positive for "benzos" and something else - the attorney doesn't have a copy of the exact findings yet. J was on a prescription for a "benzo" for his sleep disorder so I'm supposed to bring that.

There are two more continued cases next week.

Gratitude:

My son is safe and sober.
My girlfriend was released from the hospital.
Holiday decorations, pretty lights, etc.
The peaceful feeling I have right now.
Living in the USA.

Peace, love and happiness to everyone!!

Life goes on...

I called the Rehab last week to see if I could have a tour and they said no.....so I arranged another book drive with a bookstore and took 6 boxes of books over to the Rehab. I asked the gentleman that I brought them to if I could have a tour and he said yes. It was comforting to be able to see where J will be living.



On Friday I went to visit my girlfriend who is in the hospital with H1N1 & pneumonia and dressed in protective gear. I rubbed her back and took flowers. I have known her for 38 years and I told her I loved her for the first time on Friday!



We gave our cat to my cousin yesterday because my husband is allergic to him. It was sad but my cousin has 2 other cats, a dog and two daughters. I'm sure he will adjust!



Today my husband and I rode our Harley for an hour to join our hiking club for a beautiful hike. It was sunny and in the 60's.


J has not called me since I saw him in Court on Thursday. The longest I have ever gone without talking to him is 2-3 days (except for when he was 3 years old when his father lived in Texas and had visitation for 6 weeks and wouldn't let him talk on the phone with me).

J told me recently while he was in jail that it makes it harder for him to talk with or see family while he's there because it makes him want out more. I believe it is his way of not thinking about it so he doesn't have to deal with it!

Gratitude:

My son is safe and sober.
My mother likes her new apartment.
The peaceful feeling I have today.
Finding a good home for my kitty.

Much peace and happiness to everyone!!

Court Results & Moving Day

J had three different court proceedings in two different counties this week. Since he is still in jail for the "wreckless op" case, attorney #1 represented him in the other county and was able to continue those cases until next week. The other case was here in our county so they brought J to the courtroom. I spoke with attorney #2 in the hall before it started. This was the case where I called the police on J and he was facing a felony drug possession charge.

I've been praying daily asking God to "please heal J" and to "please give the attorneys and Judges in the case the guidance to make the best decision for J to be healed". I also requested other family members who didn't know what was going on to also pray.

The Judge sentenced J to the "lockdown rehab" (he didn't say for how long) and then three years probation. The wait is 1-2 months for a bed and they will keep J in jail until there is an opening. Attorney #2 asked the Judge if J could be released on his release date next week so that he could make his other court appearances and the Judge said "NO" - that it looks like he has a "catch 22" situation and someone will have to figure it out.

It is quite complicated because the attorney #1 is telling me that unless J can get out of jail to make the court appearances in the other county, they can't go along with this county's rehab recommendation. The two attorneys are supposed to talk again and I should hear something soon.

I know that I've been worried, but it truly helped to pray and feel that J was being looked out for. Through this process, I am fine tuning my beliefs and think that prayer is the most important piece of the process, but that seeking education/knowledge and then acting on that knowledge (when it is something that I can control and feel in my gut that I should act upon) is the way I want to handle my life and what affects me.

I just finished reading "Beautiful Boy" and "The Cross and the Switchblade". The later book is by the founder of the "Teen Challenge". As time goes on I am learning more...



My husband took 1/2 day off of work on Monday so that myself, a friend and my husband could move my mother into her new senior citizen apartment. Moving is my specialty - I've moved 42 times in 51 years - not counting when I help others move. Everything was finished by Monday evening except a couple of end tables for the living room.

Today after Court I went with her and helped her pick out a small dining room set that will be delivered in a week. It has been a challenging time having her live with me for the past 10 months, but I think I have learned more patience among other things.

Gratitude:

1. My son is safe and sober!
2. My mother moved out (yahoo)!
3. I've gotten some e-mails and a phone call through my job search.
4. The beautiful sun shining through warming me as I type this.

Thanks for your prayers and good thoughts!