Anger and "In the Middle"
I find myself in the same situation as Garnet at her blog. A couple of weeks ago I offered to let my son's girlfriend sleep in our guest bedroom one particular evening. She has been helping to drive him once or twice a week to work or his probation appointment. I don't remember the particulars from that offer, but he declined at the time. Last night, J called asking if she could spend the night (in the guest room), because she could pick him up at 1am and take him to his probation appointment today at 1:15pm, followed by work at 2:00pm.
My husband and I have been taking turns picking him up at 1am. It was planned that J's Aunt was going to take him to work today. I had forgotten about his probation appt. My hours aren't flexible this week, because I'm in training.
I put J on hold when he called to run it by my husband. He said "No, he didn't agree". So, I tried to explain to J and he got upset. I am "in the middle" again. I tried to talk to my husband about it after I hung up from talking with J, but he gets upset if I start questioning him, trying to understand his reasons. I stay calm. Each time he gets upset, I interrupt him and ask if we could try to just talk and stay calm. He makes statements such as "just do what you want", "I'm the bad guy, the "dick" again", "the bottom line is...".
At one point he walks over and standing three feet from my face, spews anger at me. I don't react.
I wait for a few minutes and tell him I won't put up with that kind of anger being directed at me and that I believe he has an anger problem. I ask him if he sees the anger. He says "no". In the past, he has admitted that he has an anger problem, but has done nothing to work on it.
Through the years, there have been a handful of times that his anger has turned physical with J. A push, a slap on the chest, picking him up off of the floor to throw him on the couch, etc. and only once with me, jabbing his finger into my chest repeatedly. I have looked at my part in it, as Garnet said in her post, and can see from his perspective that he feels like I continue questioning him until I get the response I want sometimes. Like an attorney cross-examining. I would like to set up my camcorder so that we could replay it and watch ourselves, each time we try to resolve an issue.
He came in the room a few minutes ago and said, "Sorry about last night". Normally, I say, "O.K.". This time I said "hmm". As I write this out, it sounds like "abuse". I tell myself that he has gotten better. I had quit smoking again for 4 days until this outburst, and felt the need for one last night.
This makes me sad...I welcome your comments.
Bisons, Elk and Bears...Oh My!
Glacier National Park, Montana is absolutely stunning! My husband and I had the
pleasure of visiting there and Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming in 2006.
We flew into an airport between the two, rented a car and drove to
Glacier first. Driving along the 50 mile "Going to the Sun Road" was gorgeous
and a bit nerve wrecking because of the sheer drop-offs!
We went on a few hikes in the three days we were there.
The most memorable was the 10 mile round trip hike to "Iceberg Lake",
which is pictured below the eagle photo. We saw a brown bear
on the hike, but the photo isn't that great, so I didn't attach it!
This Bison was ambling along the road as we drove by in Yellowstone!
The Elk walked by while we were having a picnic lunch...the
wild life was spectacular!
This waterfall was along one of the hikes we did.
Being a hunter, my husband felt naked without a gun hiking in the wildnerness.
We had some bear mace, but he didn't have much confidence in it. We
had heard that you should make noise when coming around corners,
so we would sing or clap our hands quite frequently,
and felt quite silly at times!
Hope you have a beary nice day today!!
Gratitude
Almost two weeks have passed since J was in Court. He is doing very well...working 50 hours a week...having some fun...went bowling Saturday night with friends and to a Black and White party with friends last night. A friend of his picked him up...a girl in a "black & white" dress. I told J that if there is any hint of trouble, to call us and we'll come pick him up. Because he's on probation, he has to be very careful. My husband voiced his concerns to me after J left, that what if someone in the car has alcohol or pot and they get stopped, or, what if the party gets out of hand and the police are called and what if...!! I said it is out of our control...all we can do is offer to drive/p/u.
J and I have had a couple of conversations about the past...he assured me that I absolutely did the right thing when I called the police, resulting in him spending 6 months altogether with jail...then "lockdown" rehab. When I asked if there was anything else I could/should have done, he said no, that having "real" consequences of going to prison is what is a huge motivator for him and having had clean time of at least 6 months is also important he said. I believe the reconnection that has occurred between his father and he has also helped in his healing process.
His father asked him how he could help and J said money would be the only way, since he lives 1000 miles away. He has lots of fines, an attorney to finish paying off, will need to have money to buy a car, insurance, BMV fines, etc., etc. He sent him $500 for now.
I mentioned a family friend, whose son is also going through addiction problems to J and the fact that he hasn't been to jail yet. He said that he most likely needs to go. He said that it doesn't usually work for someone who has already been to jail. I believe he is speaking from the experiences that a few of his friends have been through, although most of his friends are just finishing with college and one in particular is heading to Europe in June with another friend.
I just booked another trip leaving in June...this one with a girlfriend. We're heading first to Madrid, Spain for a couple of days, taking the train to Lisbon, Portugal for a couple of days, onto Barcelona, where we'll board a 12 night cruise that stops at: Cannes, France, Florence, Italy, Rome, Naples, Venice (my birthday will fall while we're there), Croatia, Greece and back to Spain, where we'll have to take another train back to Madrid, because that was the most economical air accomodations.
I'm really excited and have been very busy booking all of the details...cruise, rail travel, hotels, etc. etc., buying new sandals and beach hat! My job will end right before the trip leaves and when I approached my husband with the plan, he was surprisingly positive about it. When I called my friend to say it was a go...she kept shrieking and yelling...yeah, yeah!
When opportunity is staring you in the face...in this case...a friend that isn't working right now...has the $...likes to travel the way I do...a day or two in each spot...I say GO for it! J will be in the court ordered rehab for two of the three weeks that we'll be gone, so the timing is good.
Anyway, I'll have new photos to post in a couple of months!
Gratitude:
J is sober...the safety part is up to he and God!!
For trains, planes, buses, cars, motorcycles, bicycles, feet!!
For my understanding husband!!
For my friends (including blog friends) and family!!
For a loving God!!
Cruisin with Mom
Mom and I went on a 7 night cruise to the Southern Caribbean in 2004.
We flew to San Juan, Puerto Rico a day early so that we could explore. We
walked around "old" San Juan. I rented a car and we drove to
the El Yunque Rain Forest.
The second photo is of "Trunk Bay" in St. John, which is one
of the most beautiful of all!
This is the bay of Greneda and I just loved the women with their fruit baskets!
We were amazed with the guys jumping from a very high spot
on the cliff to the water below at the Annadale Falls in Grenada.
The above photo is of the "Natural Bridge" on the island of Aruba.
I rented a 4-wheel drive vehicle and took it off-road, with the
aid of a map and went careening through sand and
bumping along the coast line, while Mom screamed,
"You're crazy! What are you doing?" as her head
barely missed hitting the top of the vehicle.
I replied, "We're having fun Mom!"
Wonderful memories, except for me not being able to sleep on the ship because of her snoring!
Hope you can find some fun today!!
Up, Up and Away
This past week, I received an e-mail through that on-line group I've
mentioned before, called meetup.com. It was from a man
who thought we had met the past year at a hike and was
wondering if I'd be interested in helping him get his hot air
balloon in the sky. I asked my husband if he'd be
interested, so he decided to come along.
We rode out on the Harley and only stayed for about an hour.
It was quite fascinating!
That's me helping below...
He had two other people there to pick him up
once he called them with his GPS coordinates.
I love this picture of the inside!
My husband and I were holding the rope that
attached to the top of the balloon and as it rose
we were to pull back to keep it steady.
As you can imagine, it took all of our
strength as it pulled us towards it!
I hurt my toe a couple of weeks ago and it's still
healing, so I had sandals on. I warned my husband
to watch out for my foot...but...it was stepped on...ouch!!
I would like to go for a ride some time...
this was just a test flight for him.
Later, I received an e-mail thanking us for our help and
he said he had a "splash n dash"...touched down in
a pond...and then ultimately came down in a farmer's field!
Dating Adventures
During the time that my husband and I were divorced, I decided to join Match.com. Although I had other interests to occupy my time, I felt the need for some male company. I wasn't working for the six months that I was surfing for dates, so it became a part-time job...literally...I dated about 35 guys...most of them once...and a handful between two to five dates. Generally, I could tell if there was any chemistry during the first date.
Many of the men didn't look like their pictures! Looks have become less important to me as I've gotten older...although that "hard to define" chemistry is a must!
Being the organized person I am, when I found someone I was interested in....I would print their profile...and make notes on it, after having spoken to them...via e-mail or telephone. Many of them liked to text...a lot...and I don't. I prefer hearing the person's voice.
There was the guy I talked to on the phone who said he had gotten a DUI so if I wanted to meet, it had to be early evening, because he couldn't drive after 8pm. We had a number of conversations before I agreed to meet at a restaurant. There was no spark and when we walked to our vehicles, his was dented in the front and explained that he had hit a pole. Although he assured me he had only one DUI, later when I searched his name on court records, discovered two of them, and upon relaying my findings to him, he said, "I was 19 years old when the first one occurred and my mother had just died".
There was the handsome Italian Engineer, that I was initially attracted to but ultimately that was replaced with boredom. Or the cute blonde who asked me how he looked once we got settled at our table for dinner...uugh!!
I can't leave out the younger 36 year old, who had just been dumped by his girlfriend who was in law school and who said that I was going to help him get over her....NOT!
While questioning one of my first dates as we were waiting for our entrees to arrive, he explained that he still lived in the same house as his "soon-to-be ex...because of the kids". I asked how old the kids were...the youngest was starting college. I don't think so!!
I didn't even recognize one of the men when he entered the restaurant...he looked ten years older than his profile. When I called him on it...he said the picture was a few years old!
I had one scary situation. After meeting a man and hitting it off for lunch, we decided we'd meet later for dinner and that he'd pick me up with his touring motorcycle. I had been out running errands and was on my way home when he called me. We talked for about 15 minutes and as I pulled into my driveway, there he was. Never once did he say during the phone conversation that he was at my condo. I pulled in and immediately told him that wasn't cool and asked him to leave...he did!
I knew to stay away from the guys who had pictures of them bare chested, standing in front of expensive automobiles or posing with his arm on a blonde. It was a learning experience and helped me to hone many life skills. I also conducted an experiment...my first profile was a fairly accurate depiction of my personality...free-spirit, good-hearted...etc...a couple of months later I changed it to just a paragraph long...basically saying I just wanted to have fun and the type of men responding changed. Then I switched it again to reflect my more serious side (I'm a Gemini...go figure) and drew a new type.
During a yearly visit to my gynecologist, I mentioned I was dating and he said, "You'll find that most men over 50 are impotent and alcoholics". I said, "That's comforting"!
Lip Gloss in Costa Rica
This trip to Costa Rica was in February 2007, right before my
husband and I separated and divorced. I planned the trip and the
first stop of our eight day adventure was about 45 minutes from San Juan.
We stayed at Vista del Valle, which was located
on a coffee plantation. This is a photo of our little bungalow!
Carlos, the Cowboy took us for a ride. It was great fun...
because we got to gallop when we wanted and he
did tricks for us. He even stood up on his saddle while riding!
There was a pool there and although my husband never gets drunk,
he drank too much that first day at the pool. He asked me for
some chap stick, so I took advantage of the situation
and handed him some of my "tinted" lip gloss.
His lips were shiny red and later he wondered why
a gay couple (two guys) were staring at him so intently!
He's a notorious prankster...so I felt no remorse! In the past, he's
turned the hot water off at the source while I was in the shower...brrrr...
and carried out lots of other funny and some...not so funny jokes
at my expense. Last week he had a guy at work photoshop
a picture of one of our friends, "Barry" into the movie ad
for "Brokeback Mountain", called it Brokeback Barry"
and put it on facebook!
We drove to Arenal Volcano and spent an afternoon at the
"Tabacon Hot Springs", which was amazing. It was a
natural hot springs that wound around through the
jungle. You could climb in anywhere and there
was a view of the active volcano!
The photo above that looks like Switzerland is actually of Arenal Lake.
After visiting the Cloud Forest, we drove to our last spot, the
lovely "Manual Antonio" National Park. These are
photos from our balcony.
Hope you enjoyed and don't use your wife's lip gloss!!
Packin Heat
In 2006, I went on a 2200 mile road trip through New England by myself. My husband was worried about my safely because I had decided to camp at two of the five locations I was visiting. He tucked a pistol in the trunk...between the camping gear. I was more nervous about driving with a concealed weapon than anything else!
First, I drove to a campsite 30 minutes by train from Boston. Boston was everything I had hoped for and more. It was so clean...that's what I remember vividly. The second picture is of the most photographed street in America...except I don't remember the name of it.
I also saw the Holocaust Memorial, went to the top of the Prudential Tower and took a boat ride in the harbor.
This was my campsite in Maine, near
Portland and the second picture
is of the famous "Headlight" lighthouse in Portland.
I then drove to the White Mountains in New Hampshire. I stayed at a place
called "Country Bumpkins" and the owner gave me a tour of his cabin that
was full of antiques that he had collected through the years. I went on a 3 mile
round trip hike through the mountains at 7:30am on a trail called "Lonesome Lake".
It's pictured below. I didn't encounter a soul on the trail, so it was a bit lonesome!
While there I also took the Cog Railway to the top of Mt. Washington.
This is a photo from my "table for one" at Simon Pearce's Restaurant / Glass Shop
in Quechee, Vermont. It was fascinating to watch the glass blowers in action before my meal.
The bottom picture is of a darling chapel at the "Sugarbush farm" in Vermont.
I took many photos of covered bridges and toured the Marsh-Billings
Rockefeller Mansion in Woodstock, Vermont.
My 8 day adventure ended in Niagara Falls...
Hope you enjoyed the photos and have a wonderful day!
Good News
In Court today, for the felony charge from a year ago, J received "Treatment in Lieu of Conviction". He will have 14 days in Rehab for an assessment, then out-patient treatment, which I believe consists of a couple of months of intensive treatment...3 x week...3 hours per day...random drug screens...follow-up treatment that lasts another 9 months. The attorney that represented him, who has been doing this for 30 years, has never had this situation before, two felonies in two different counties at approximately the same time, and both of them granting "Treatment in Lieu of Conviction".
I have been praying every day for J, along with about 40 other people, including many of you, and believe that, not only were my prayers answered, but J is one lucky guy! He'll have to also serve 20 days in rehab for the DUI in May. He's not sure how this will affect his job, but he is grateful for the outcome. Since I started my training for the Census Bureau, his step-dad took him today.
His girlfriend is on Suboxone and seems to be on the right track also. She's still in college part-time and picks him up from work occasionally. J's work hours changed from 4pm-4am....to....2pm-1am....so my husband went to get him last night and asked why one of the guys at work, who lives near here can't drive him. J said that the guy smokes pot at work (outside), so he doesn't want to drive with him. Good thinking!!
Much to be thankful for in our home!!
Much peace, love and joy to everyone!
Nature on my Street
Where I like to enjoy nature!
Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
God writes the gospel not in the Bible alone, but on trees and flowers and clouds and stars. ~Martin Luther
Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better. ~Albert Einstein
Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.
~Kahlil Gibran
One touch of nature makes the whole world kin. ~William Shakespeare
Hope you have an inspired day!
New Harley...New Boobs...Scrapbooking
My husband purchased a new Harley soon after I purchased new Boobs! I guess they go together some how! I guess this is TMI, but I'm proud of them, just like he is of his bike. My Doctor actually referred to it as "reconstructive surgery", because they're not bigger than they were "before menopause". The other day my mom asked me, "Do you still like your new boobs?" I said, "Of course", as I'm thinking...that's an odd question!
You may be wondering what do a harley, boobs and scrapbooking have to do with each other. Actually nothing, but I wanted to also post some pics of J when he was younger. I have two large scrapbooks of our lives until he was 16 years old, at which point I stopped, probably because of "the teenage years"!
Oh, and J is doing great so far...his job is going well...he seems happier. He thinks 2nd shift is great for him, because of his sleep disorder and because he's not available to go out with friends in the evenings, except on the weekends.
Thanks to all of you for your comments, wisdom, and prayers!
...and here are some quotes about families...
“Whatever they grow up to be, they are still our children, and the one most important
of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on
anything at all except that they are our children.” ~ Rosaleen Dickson
Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts. ~Author Unknown
You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu
When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would
be impossible to endure them. ~George Bernard Shaw
My Grandfather
He wrote a 35 page autobiography in the 90's and I'd like to share some of it with you. There are many stories that I'd like to share, but unfortunately, it was necessary to greatly condense it. These are his words:
My ancestors came to Long Island from England and then settled in North Carolina in 1693. I was born in Indiana and my father made a living repairing things, mostly watches and clocks. In his spare time he made violins. He was a nut about violins. In fact, he would rather scratch a tune out of a violin than food out of the earth.
He told me in later years that he had made his first violin out of a shingle but when his father caught him playing it, he broke it into pieces. The Quakers had strong beliefs about having too much fun and the violin was considered a tool of the devil.
My mother was a talented painter and painted professionally before she married Dad. My father worked as a general mechanic for a period of time and one of the workmen gave me a large dry battery. I began gathering discarded dry batteries that had been junked because of low voltage. These connected in series would provide enough power to operate a small electric motor Dad had bought me, as well as a spark-coil. The seed was sown. That was the forerunner of me becoming a radio engineer.
About this time Dad began pressuring me to take up the violin, but I wasn't interested. He paid a teacher fifty cents a lesson to teach me, but when he decided I was spending too much time with electricity and not enough practicing the violin, he stopped paying the teacher. My teacher told me that he would teach me for free if I wanted to continue. I suppose it was just spite that caused me to continue with the lessons. Later when I earned some money teaching violin, I repaid the teacher.
A friend had given me an old copy of the boy scout's handbook that showed how to build a small receiver using a "coherer" and 2 electric door bells, and that's how I made my first receiver. My father had given me a nice seven jewel Elgin pocket watch in a gold filled case and I traded it to a school friend for a bunch of junk, coils, wire, a pair of headphones and a magnetic vibrator type battery charger. When I brought the stuff home, I sure caught hell. I got all of this for a bargain, because World War I had just been declared and the Commerce Department had stopped the use of all ham equipment. Consequently, my friend had decided to get out of ham "wireless". The word "radio" was coined several years later.
My first job was picking strawberries on a farm about 3 miles from home, and I had to walk to work. Next, I worked for the largest grocery store in town and was told I could eat anything in the store, and as much as I wanted, and I did. I was 10 years old at the time and I suffered working the long hours. I worked from 7am until 11pm, on my feet the entire time and then after the store closed I had to go with the delivery truck and deliver bushel baskets of food all over town. I finished around 2:30am and then had to walk a mile home. I usually couldn't sleep very well after this because of severe leg cramps.
The next summer I worked for a sheet-metal company that made running boards, fenders and hoods for automobiles. My pay was 7 cents an hour and I worked 10 hours per day. I got a job at the "Remy Electric Company" the following summer.
World War I was over and I got my ham operator and station licenses in 1920 and began operating legally. Concurrently, I was taking violin lessons at the Metropolitan School of Music at Indianapolis, attending high school, and playing in the school orchestra. When I was 16 years old, I decided to join the Musicians Union hoping to make a little money. This was during the day of the silent movies. I tried out for a job in the orchestra at the "Starland", a local theater and got it. The pay was $35 for seven days a week 2:00-4:00pm and 7:00-10:30pm.
He's the tall guy behind the drummer
Riviera Theater...violinist; Meridian Theater Orchestra... Leader; Murat Theater; English Opera House; Ohio Theater; Isis Theater, Kokomo...Leader; Circle Theater, Indianapolis...Violinist; Lowe’s Palace Theater...Concert Master; and the Madison Theater, Illinois...Violinist, Indiana Theater; Concert Master at Cincinnati Civic Symphony; Orange College Symphony Orchestra, California; Stetson University Symphony; Concert Master with the Daytona Beach Little Symphony and Director of the Debary Concert Orchestra.
Many of the big name stars were in these shows, such as Eddie Cantor, Jack Benny, Al Jolson, Fannie Brice, Bob Hope, Dick Powell and Paul Whiteman.
In 1923, I married my wife and nine months later our first son was born, followed in 1929 with our last son.
After retiring in 1969, I played for the Hendersonville Symphony, in North Carolina and gave violin performances at churches, the Salvation Army, and retirement homes.
My other positions were as follows:
Phototone Company in Indiana as designer of amplifiers for their theater sound systems and then promoted to Chief.
Eli Lilly traveling to hospitals and clinics showing a film about insulin for diabetes that they had just developed.
WLW in Cincinnati as an engineer in the studio, master control recording, remote pickups, transmitter operation and maintenance. I was working there during the Flood of 1937. It was a site to behold, looking down into 3rd street below, seeing small boats traveling in the water covering the street pavement.
WSAI as Chief Engineer.
VOA, Munich, Germany, Transmitter Supervisor, Foreign Service Staff Officer in the State Dept. and then Studio Supervisor.
United States Information Agency, Bonn, Germany as Technical Chief of the Radio Branch and later transferred to W. Berlin in the same capacity.
Chief at KFOX in California.
I started a company that did consulting for the Defense Contracting Industry.
Radio Free Europe, Darmstadt, Germany and lived there for 11 years before retiring to Florida.
He's the fellow on the right
Some of my other accomplishments include:
Designed and built a portable sound projector - - assigned patent rights to a Company in exchange for commission. The Company went bankrupt during the 1929 stock market crash.
Built a portable public address system – made extra money with it through neighborhood picnics and on the side for WLW.
Elected Steward and Executive Board Member and later Local Union President and Business Mgr. for the new Union (I believe it was IBEW).
Member of The Masonic Blue Lodge, Scottish Rite & Syrian Temple Shrine.
I visited Mittenwald, Germany, bought 100 yr. old wood, shipped it to my father in Indiana and he made two violins, which he thought were the finest in his collection.
One of my favorite writers, Sydney Harris said “The violin is unique in that no other instrument sounds more heavenly when played well or more agonizing when played badly”.
Here are a few of my observations:
Knowledge, education, curiosity, imagination and perseverance all went into the making of the transistor and I believe the transistor and its progeny have done more for our scientific world today than anything else. Just look at what has been accomplished with the use of electronics in medical science. The microchip, which is nothing more than many tiny transistors in a small package. It is extremely important in the space program, computers and most electronic devices.
Those five words: knowledge, education, curiosity, imagination and perseverance applies to anything worth doing. There is a sixth word--challenge, which is of great importance. All of these, coupled with an understanding of human nature are the ingredients necessary for getting along in this world. It is also a good idea to practice "The Golden Rule".
This was his 80th Birthday party. They had a
40 year old belly dancer for him.
The same belly dancer came out of retirement
20 years later for his 100th Birthday party!
My Mother
When my mother was living with me last year, I composed a five page typewritten mini "autobiography" for her. Following the ideas from a website called "Living Legacies", I questioned her extensively and discovered many things about her that I previously wasn't aware of.
When she was born in the early 1930's, there was a mid-wife to herald her birth. She was one of eleven children, born into poverty. Her parents did share-cropping for a few years and life was difficult in the country.
There was no electricity or running water. Coal oil lamps were used and there was an outhouse. They didn’t own a car, so walking was a necessity. A horse and wagon was used to transport their possessions when they moved. The boys were the horsepower to pull the plow for farming!
Rainwater was collected to wash hair and bath time came around once a week. Her mother would cut everyone’s hair when necessary. Although mom was a tall and skinny girl, she chopped wood, carried water from a spring, helped with doing laundry on a washboard, and would knock hens off of their nests, so she could gather their eggs. One of her sisters miled the cows. They had pigs and usually a few dogs and cats.
The boys would sleep together in one bed and the girls in another bed. Mom remembers having to pick dandelions for soup, because they had very little food. There were the cherished memories of her mother making cornbread, fried chicken, milk gravy, chicken & dumplings, bacon, eggs, and homemade blackberry pies.
Mother wore hand-me-down clothing and Grandma would make broom-stick skirts for the girls. When the holidays came, there were peppermint sticks for Christmas and Turkey was a treat for Thanksgiving. She has fond memories of playing hide-n-seek, swimming in the creek, playing with dolls, and her brothers making homemade toys out of sticks. They picked berries and shelled walnuts.
Gathered together, sitting on the floor, the children enjoyed listening to radio broadcasts of "The Shadow", "Inner Sanctum" and the "Squeaky Door".
She left home when she was 17 years old and lived with one of her older sisters for a year, before moving to the YWCA. She married my father in her early 20's.
Life was difficult for Mom as she was raising her three children, because Dad changed jobs frequently and the lack of money was a constant. She felt frustrated because she couldn’t provide much for her children in the way of clothes or any activities that required money. There were no family vacations, except for camping.
Dad and Mom owned a Deli for a while, and Mother worked behind the counter, while Dad grew his beard long and traveled through Amish villages, purchasing meats and cheeses from them.
Mother’s next job was laundering napkins at a restaurant/nightclub. I had left home at this point and was in the military.
Dad began drinking while we were still children and there was much turmoil through the years. They ultimately divorced in 1981 and Mother moved to a small apartment. She met her next husband shortly thereafter and remarried in 1983.
For the past 20 years she was an Apartment Complex Manager and her husband was the Maintenance Man there. She has fond memories of her years with him, before he died in 2001. They went fishing, had picnics and grilled out, went to dinner with her sisters, had friends that lived in the apartment complex and enjoyed many good times with them.
Beginning around 1995, Mother had a ghost that would harass her every night in the apartment that she and her husband lived in, until she moved out in 2008. She had a team of paranormal investigators spend the night once and they recorded activity.
In November, 2008, Mother was informed that she has a giant aneurysm at the base of her skull and they don’t want to operate on it. She was in a nursing home and not doing well, so I quit my job and she moved in to my home so that I could take care of her. She improved rapidly and a year later she moved into a senior citizen apartment nearby.
The following are some of mother’s thoughts, beliefs and opinions:
• She believes in God, heaven and hell.
• If she could have three wishes they would be to own a small compact house, that my older brother would stop drinking and that her aneurysm would disappear.
• Her advice to young people is: To live life without drinking too much and without anger.
• Her advice to married people is: To love one another like you would love yourself.
• She is sometimes afraid of the thought of death and other times, not.
• Her greatest challenge in life has been her oldest son, because he has been mean and angry with her for most of his life.
• The most generous thing she’s ever done is: sacrificing many of her wants/needs/money in trying to change her son into a loving son.
• The meaning of life to her is: It is what you make it. God gave us life to see what kind of individuals we would be on earth.
Nature...Disconcerting Phone Call...Humor
This is a picture I took of a squirrel in the back yard, nibbling on a piece of bread that my husband threw off the deck yesterday. We enjoyed watching him drop it...run down the tree to retrieve it...and then back up to resume his meal.
We had just fallen asleep last night when my phone rang at 10:15pm. It was a man's voice asking for "_______", which is the name of my husband. I asked who was calling and the name sounded familiar. Immediately, I'm on alert because 1) we don't usually get phone calls that late; 2) why was he calling on my phone asking for my husband; 3) my son's past drug life.
The name doesn't sound familiar to my husband and in his fuzzy half-asleep brain, he's telling him he doesn't know anyone by that name. The man says, "Aren't you the friend of _____'s?", as I whisper, in my fuzzy half-asleep brain, "I think it's the father of one of J's friends", so then husband says to the man, "Oh, sure, how are you?" The man then says, "The plant will be ready by the 8th or 9th. What day is better for you?" Husband says, "What?" Man then repeats himself. Husband says, "Oh, the 8th would be better". Man then says, "O.K., I'll give you a call then". Husband says, "O.K., talk to you then".
After he hangs up, we're both very confused. Husband says it was a drug deal, I say, are you sure, maybe by plant he means something else. We call J on speakerphone and ask him if he knows this person, he says "Yes, I'm going to his wedding in May".
To summarize the outcome: My son has used my phone a few times when his battery has been low, because he left his charger at his Aunt's and he had called this friend from my phone a few days ago. This friend was trying to reach someone that has the same first name as my husband and hit redial for the wrong phone number. My son was very concerned that we were thinking he was involved in something, which we have to admit crossed our minds. When we thought it through, we realized that it didn't involve J because the friend asked for someone else, not J.
Anyway, J had called the friend when he hung up from us and then called us back to talk about it. As we were talking, the friend called us and apologized. He explained the mishap and said he wanted to make sure that we knew that J was turning his life around and had nothing to do with this. I thanked him for calling back and said, "If you don't stop what you're doing, you'll end up eventually getting into trouble also!"
It dredged up past fears and reminded me of how vulnuerable our emotions are!
....and to end on a humorous note
My husband was relaying a funny incident that happened the other day with our roommate. He said that I wasn't home this particular day, when he was standing in the kitchen and had terrible gas. He was just in the middle of releasing a very loud "fart", when he heard her dainty footsteps rounding the corner. He turned and said that her eyes were very wide and she almost started running out the door with a horrified look on her face!
My husband finds these topics of humanity to be very humorous and was almost crying with laughter as he shared this moment with me!
I hope that everyone can find something to laugh about every day!
Happy Easter
Update on J:
Although he doesn't share much with me about his feelings, he is quite vocal concerning my driving. It seems I'm a bit fuzzy headed when he's in the car and a few times have almost missed turning where I'm supposed to...I'm sure it has nothing to do with waking up at 3:30am to pick him up...having a new route to learn....or his surliness with me.
I'm what you would call an "assertive" driver. I have never had an accident that was my fault and no one ever has to honk their horn at me. I got fed up with his comments the other day, so when he said, "I don't understand why you drive the way you do", I calmly said, "I don't understand why you seem to take your irritability out on me, not your father, your step-father, your girlfriend, just me! I have been driving much longer than you have been alive and have never had an accident that was my fault, so if you don't like it, find another ride and just shut up!" It worked like a charm, he's been much nicer.
At Court last week, he was sentenced to 20 days, $525 in fines and 2 years license suspension, retroactive from March 2009, for the DUI from a year ago...that was continued many times. The Judge gave him the option of serving the time in jail or rehab. He has his last Court appearance for the felony drug possession this week and depending on the outcome of that, will then go back before the other Judge to give him his decision. The rehab will cost $600, if he chooses that. He didn't think it was worth $600 to avoid jail and I said it was a drop in the bucket compared to the money I've already put out and that he was worth it! Later, after telling his father about it, he said he would pay for it.
Update on Sherry:
I volunteered to tutor a child on Saturday. She's in 6th grade and smart. We had 3 1/2 hrs. to go over reading and math. Initially things were going well, but then she began testing. She'd get up to sharpen her pencil...5 times...open the window...2 times...secretly start texting with her phone, until I caught on...argue about answers that were wrong, insisting they were right...talk loudly disturbing others in the room. I tried to keep her focused and on task, but when that didn't work, I ignored her and then she had to get me to focus. It worked!
I moved my computer out of the master bedroom into another bedroom, so I don't wake my husband since I'm getting up so early. I bought a few new pictures for the walls to make it more homey.
I went to a new hairdresser this week and just love my hair and her! As we got to know each other, she asked about my son and I told her about his addiction problems. She then opened up to me about her sister's problems and how it has affected her and her mother. I told her about my travel adventures and she then shared that she has a fear of traveling too far from home. She's in her 20's...very cute...and her boyfriend moved to Texas. She was going to visit him this weekend and was afraid that once she arrived she would feel panicked that she may not be able to get back home...an irrational fear. She said that just hearing about my travels...most of them by myself...helped her. It's amazing how we can help people just by being open!
Last night, as I sat on the deck letting thoughts float through my mind, I had a sudden urge to go buy an Easter basket for my roommate, whom I barely know. In the past four months, we've spoken a total of perhaps 10 minutes. She's an engineer, 27 yrs. old, from New York...her family comes from the Mariana Islands in the South Pacific. I've accepted the situation as it is...she doesn't want a relationship with us...even to the point of not saying "hello" if you're sitting in the living room and she arrives home and passes through to go downstairs to her space. My husband thinks she is "bitchy, rude, and wierd".
Anyway, I ran out and got a basket, a plush bunny, an organic chocolate bar, hummus, organic black bean tortilla chips, guacomole, burts bee body butter, and a small potted rose plant. She was in her office when I went downstairs to give it to her and I said, "Here is an early Easter basket", she said, "I don't celebrate Easter" as she shook her head and the look on her face was priceless. I said, "It's just a present then...to make you feel good". She said, "You didn't have to do this". I said, "I know, I wanted to". So, she gave me a hug!
Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate and Happy Day to those of you who don't!
Sinful
A river flows in deep dark, sweet waves
Her sweetness lingers long after we kiss
tempting both the mortal and divine
Sinfully delectable
Heavenly wicked
I taste
Seducing my senses with secret charms
To resist is hopeless
A luscious molten language of love
Shackles me forever to her shifting form
Write a story or poem with exactly 55 words
Go see Mr. G if you'd like to play
@ Mr. G
(he knowsitall and counts 'em all too!)
